Hurdles

I've brought this big white box up a few times in the last 4 days and couldn't find a single word to write. I even wondered if I should be trying and through prayer and the help of some very special people who have listened and walked beside me the past few days I've decided that as much as I hurt I also need prayer warriors in a big way. There are some issues with Amara's paperwork on the Russian side. This could either prolong or bring us to opening our home to a different child. This hurts, this is confusing but we know that God is a big God and that He knows the plans He has for us. Sometimes it's not like we planned or hoped and that's where trust and faith is so very important. I am so thankful that I've accepted God to be my Saviour. As bad as this hurts my human heart I am at a great place of peace, which I'll be honest is very hard to explain. I sometimes think I should be more of a mess than I am and than I remember that it's God and He's comforting me.

As a selfish human I would pray that Amara comes home to us but the ultimate goal for me when I started this was to open my home to an orphan to lessen the # in orphanages and if it's not this child God knows our home and hearts are open and when He sees fit He will bring her to us. God knows that I love Amara and He knows what's best for her.

We have decided to open this to you as we know all our followers and we ask that as much as your stomach is suddenly feeling sick and shivers are creeping up your spine that you don't feel sorry for us...just pray for us and for Amara.

We sorry if we talked to some of you in the last few days or few hours and couldn't find the words to tell you. This has been tough. We are thankful for every one of your prayers and concerns and especially those who helped me through the last few days.

I will update you as we know more, however please respect our wishes that at this time we would like your prayers but don't care to share a lot of details.

God is good and He is bigger than any hurdle or bump. We're not giving up, we're not turning back. Adoption was for us to glorify God and that's still the path we're on.

I have to share this short story that I feel is so fitting for me and probably a lot of you.

At first I saw God as my observer, my judge, keeping track of the things I did wrong, so as to know whether I merited heaven or hell when I die. He was out there sort of like a president. I recognized His picture when I saw it, but I really didn't know Him. But later on, when I met God, it seemed as though life was rather like a bike ride, but it was a tandem bike, and I noticed that God was in the back, helping me pedal.

I don't know when it was that He suggested that we change places, but life has not been the same since. When I had control, I knew the way. It was rather boring, but predictable... It was the shortest distance between two points. But when He took the lead, He knew delightful long cuts, up mountains, and through rocky places at breakneck speeds. It was all I could do to hang on! Even though it looked like madness, He said, "Pedal."

I worried and was anxious and asked, "Where are you taking me?" He laughed and didn't answer, and I started to learn to trust. I forgot my boring life and entered into the adventure. And when I'd say, "I'm scared," He'd lean back and touch my hand.

He took me to people with gifts that I needed, gifts of healing, acceptance and joy. They gave me gifts to take on my journey...and we were off again. He said, "Give the gifts away; they're extra baggage, too much weight." So I did, to the people we met, and I found that in giving I received, and still our burden was light.

I did not trust Him, at first, in control of my life. I thought He'd wreck it; but He knows bike secrets, knows how to make it bend to take sharp corners, knows how to jump to clear high rocks, knows how to fly to shorten scary passages. And I am learning to shut up and pedal in the strangest places, and I'm beginning to enjoy the view and the cool breeze on my face with God as my delightful constant companion. And when I'm sure I just can't do anymore, He just smiles and says,

"Pedal"

~ Author Unknown ~

He Is

Come Alive - Mark Schultz

Father let the world just fade away
Let me feel Your presence in this place
Lord I've never been so weary
How I need to know You're near me
Father let the world just fade away
'Til I'm on my knees
'Til my heart can sing

He is
He was
He always will be
Even when it feels like there is no one holding me
Be still, my soul
He is

Father let Your Holy Spirit sing
Let it calm this storm inside of me
As I stand amazed
Lift my hands and say

He is
He was
He always will be
He lives
He loves
He's always with me
Even when it feels like there is no one holding me
Be still my soul

Through every fear
And every doubt
In every tear I shed
Down every road
I'm not alone
No matter where I am

He is
He was
He always will be
He lives
He loves
He's always with me
Even when it feels like there is no one holding me
Be still my soul
Be still and know
Be still my soul
He is

What you're waiting for

I'm here like promised, planned to get this done first thing this morning but that never happened. I had a scare...I thought I lost, misplaced or dumped our I600A approval. My mind seems a little scattered lately but all is OK I found them. That completes our Dossier #2 because medicals were done last Wednesday and we picked up results and Dr licenses yesterday. I am now searching for crisp 100 dollar bills to take to Russia. I looked at our suitcases last night and thought about getting them out but decided to rewrite the questions and packing list for Trip 1 instead. I got a packing list from a dear friend however it needed to be adjusted because we're packing light...1 carry on and 1 backpack for each of us! Before we get to the room pictures I have to share our latest purchase, Jamie and I went to Wal Mart together last night and picked up a few things. It was fun!


Austin's Room...I actually ended up painting this one a few times because the 1st yellow we had was way to bright. Ceiling fan and curtains will make this room complete, besides other "things" he wants to hang on the way but I'm done with my part.



Tristan's Room...complete as soon as ceiling fan is hung. We are a host family this year for 2 NWC soccer players so he can't wait for them to come over and see his room.



Our Room...I wasn't so sure of this color at 1st but I really like it now, it's refreshing.




Amara Marie Anna's Room... yep that's her name. Amara was picked by Jamie originally and when I looked up the meaning and found out it meant Grace I was convinced that this was the name God wanted for her. Marie is after my amazing sister and Anna is her Russian name. I love her room and it's complete besides her!




I did some painting in the hall awhile back. I was worried about it being too dark but think it looks nice with the decor.


We are meeting with a family tonight that adopted from Russia 3 years ago, I can't wait to hear their story and share ours. Please pray that God directs our visit and tomorrow night it's a welcome home party for our friends that are coming home from China. Yipppeee can't wait. They get into Omaha at 10:30pm so it'll be a late night but I'm super excited.

We haven't heard anything different or new on travel dates but I will be talking to agency today and hopefully will have news to post soon.

I am going to be starting a new fundraiser. I will post information on that soon. It's a fun fun fundraiser with lots of items I'm sure you'll like just as much as I do!

Hi Amara,

It's mommy again. Just wanted to let you know that there isn't a day that goes by that I don't dream about you. I hope you contuine to catch my kisses and know that mommy and daddy are coming soon! I can't wait to see your beautiful face.

I love you Amara!

Im over it...for now

OK now that I have a small group of followers and I know whose reading the blog I'm going to let some feelings go. The past few days have not been the easiest and I'm not sure why. I have to admit that most of it is my fault. I get high hopes. I keep thinking that today will be the day we get the call on travel dates and nothing than I think OK tomorrow and nothing than OK next week and nothing. At this point I've started to upset myself so to make it worse I go looking at other peoples time lines to see how long they waited which makes it worse. We were originally told that they thought we'd travel at the end of Sept so I was hoping we'd have dates by now. We were also told that because of her age it might take longer than normal so I shouldn't be all the shocked that its been almost a month since we accepted however I'm human and I want to go now. This is when I have to remember that God is in control. On top of this the devil has been attacking me with doubt, fear and what ifs. Today I just couldn't take it and I cried out for help. I know I need to trust Him but looking at Miss A's picture everyday and not being able to see her just got to me. Tonight I spend some time in prayer, God knows my heart and He knows whats best. I have to remember that while I'm waiting I am to serve Him and right now for reasons I don't understand He needs me here more than He needs me in Russia. I will share one attack. Since I thought we might be gone by this weekend I don't have anything planned so the devil was playing around with me today, trying to make me believe that because I wasn't in Russia I deserved a Jill day when in all reality I told a friend of mine I would support her family in the Buddy Walk if I was here. I let him toy with my mind for awhile and than God spoke to me and he reminded me that while I'm waiting I was to serve Him..it's not about Jill so before the devil took one more strike at me I committed to my friend that I would be there on Sat. That may be 1 reason while I'm still here and not in Russia, God is making sure I'm listening. Another reason is He crossed our path with a family from Orange City that also adopted from Russia and we have having coffee with them tomorrow night and Thursday night we are taking the Bilby kids to Omaha to welcome their parents and Jada home from China and Sat is the Buddy Walk. I'm a tool in God's tool box and He is using me right where I am so until He says go I will serve Him right here.

I have been asked to post finished pictures of the bedrooms I was painting. They are all finished besides ceiling fans in the boys rooms and I'm having Austin's curtains made out of his bedskirt which arent finished but I will post pictures tomorrow. We have also decided that because we made our blog private to share Miss A's full name so you can start praying for us and her by name. That will be tomorrow....her name is on her bedroom wall so the secret would be out anyway. See you all tomorrow!

Love Jill

How Long Must I Wait, Lord?

And the Lord answered me and said: Write the vision, and make it plain upon tables that they may run that readeth it. For the vision is yet for an appointed time, but at the end, it shall speak and not lie: though it tarry, wait for it; because it will surely come, it will not tarry. (Habakkuk 2: 2, 3)

Have you ever been given a vision by God that seems like it will not come to pass? The waiting turns from days to weeks to months and sometimes even years. I, too, am at that place in God. I am waiting for the fulfillment of His promises spoken to me.

God may have given a word to you about the salvation of a loved one, about going forth in your ministry, about a new home, about a financial breakthrough, about a godly mate, about healing for yourself or someone you know, about a new business venture, or adding to your family. Whatever the vision He has put in your heart and spirit, know that He will bring it to pass in His timing.

God is not a man that He should lie; nor the son of man that He should repent: hath he said, and shall he not do it? or hath he spoken, and shall he not make it good? (Numbers 23:19)

I have learned in my walk with God that He answers in three ways: Yes, No, and Wait. The answer "Wait" is sometimes hard for me to comprehend. How long must I wait, Lord? God responded to me by His Holy Word:

Wait on the LORD: be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I say, on the LORD. (Psalm 27:14)

I am learning that the waiting process is not all bad. In this process God is molding me to become more like Him and making me ready for His promises. He is stretching me in my faith and allowing me to trust Him more, regardless of how the circumstances seem to be playing out. I am surrendering daily and waiting for the promise.

I've had a year that proved to be one of those seasons of truly waiting on the Lord.

As a sister in the Lord, I encourage you as well. As you are waiting for His promise to you to be fulfilled, let Him be glorified through you. As you are continue to trust in His perfect timing, though it tarry, wait for it. It will surely come to pass. It will not tarry.

Going Private

I will be allowing anyone that wants to follow our blog to send me their email address within the next 24 hrs and I will send you an invite. You can email me privately or in the comments. We aren't trying to hide from anyone or anything only protecting our family.

No words

There are simply no words to explain the pain in ones heart when they know their daughter is waiting in an orphanage without the love of a family and you can't go see her. It's been over 3 weeks since we signed the acceptance papers and still no invite to come. It's a time thing and I'm leaning on the Lord but as you see families get travel dates that only accepted a week ago its hard. Our agency is the best there is but they also have to wait for the Russian side to say "OK let them come" so everyday you wonder if this will be the day the phone rings and you begin to pack your bags, to leave part of you family here and meet the one waiting for you 1/2 way around the world.

I get asked this questions a lot...what can we do? It's simple dear friends. PRAY. Our lives are living proof that prayer changes things. I have an emptiness in my heart today and it aches to scoop my daughter up and love her forever so please take a minute of your time to cover our family and Miss A in prayer!

Blessed

I had a busy weekend so I wasn't able to post but I've thought a lot about the words to use in this post and I'll be honest I don't have them and probably never will but it's time for me to share what God has been up to.

In a previous post I wrote about wanting to bring an Angel Bear to A on our 1st trip. I'm kind of a I'll do that now, I'll get that right now gal but for some reason I never really pursued looking or buying the Angel Bear. Was I going to before I left? Yes but God had other plans.

You could only imagine what I felt when I came home from work on Friday to find this sitting on my kitchen island....

An Angel Bear! and Angel Bear had a note. This bear was giving to friends of ours who lost a child 11 years ago and after reading my blog they said they knew God was asking them to pass it on. They now have decided to let us take Angel Bear to A. After reading the card all I could do was cry happy tears. We are so blessed and God has crossed our paths with some very amazing people. Angel Bear is still sitting on the hutch in our kitchen and every time I look at it I'm amazed at how obvious God is in my life. I plan to move it to A's crib until it's time to travel to Russia. Angel Bear has a name....in our home Angel Bear will be called Kade (Kade is Pam/Derrick's son who God took home 11 yrs ago).

Thanks to the Derrick & Pam De Haan family A will now have an Angel to watch over her.

Humbly we Thank You
The Verduin's and Miss A

Remembering 9/11

We want to especially remember the firefighters, the policemen, the medical personnel, rescue workers, and all the common people who helped others on the attack sites during the actual disaster days, and those who helped to clean up in the aftermath of 9-11-01. Some of them accomplished some truly heroic tasks, and deserve to be called heroes!

These people did save some lives, helped multitudes of people on the attack sites, and accomplished the tremendous task of clearing all the dead bodies, rubble, and debris from the destroyed buildings and aircrafts. They didn't concern themselves with their own comfort but unselfishly were more concerned about others - even to the point of losing their lives. "Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends."

There were 346 people who died that day. To many this day only comes once a year to the families that lost loved ones it's a day that's replayed in their minds daily. Please pray for all these families as they put one more year behind them!

1 step closer

We received our I600A approval today...Finally! I'll admit it I was getting nervous about that, I was afraid we'd get travel dates and no approval. We're approved, now hurry up travel dates I wanna see A asap.

I'm getting ready to head for bed and Miss A is getting ready to start another day.

A, mom hopes that you have an amazing day and that you feel extra loved today because we all love you and so does God. I can't wait for you to meet your brothers, they're so excited to have you home. I also have a really cool guy I can't wait to tell you about...He's our Father, we call Him Lord! Your brothers think that you're going to have crazy looking clothes, they don't know how cute you're going to look in them. I love seeing your clothes hanging in Austin's closet. Sorry you don't have a closet in your room so you have to share with him! Mom's trying to find an angel that I can bring to you so a angel can watch over you while mom and dad leave, don't worry it won't be long and than we'll be back. I love you and thank God and your birth mother for your life every day. See you soon! Love Mom

A Half A World Away

A half a world away
Sometimes it seems we’re so far apart
But a half a world away
Is not too far for a journey of the heart

My little one, my bundle of joy
My precious daughter, my baby girl
I know your waiting too

A half a world away
A child waits for a family of her own
While a half a world away
A family waits to come bring her home

My little one, my bundle of joy
I’m whispering a prayer
My presious daughter, my baby girl
I hope to soon be there

I hope that we
Will no longer be
A half a world away...

Mom loves you A and I will be coming!

A's Room

What a fun weekend. We went and picked up A's crib this weekend. Jamie and I were going to spend the day together and than decided to make it a family day. The boys weren't all so excited at first but we had a great day. I enjoy watching the boys get more and more excited about having a sister as the time gets closer. We still haven't heard on travel dates, we are ready to go but we know we aren't the ones in control...God is and so far He's taking good care of us and I know He's watching over A until we get there. I am trying to find a stuffed angel, I want to bring that with us on our 1st trip along with her blanket that we've been sleeping with for weeks now! I love her so much and I can't wait to show her off to the world.

Jamie couldn't figure out why someone would give us a crib without instructions. haha


Yes! Even mom had to put a few screws in


We choose the highest level for the mattress but we may have to lower it. I guess we'll change that when Miss A gets home


I'm not completely done with her room so here's a sneak peak...


Dear Lord, You are an amazing Father that has the power to do things us humans could only dream about. Of all the 147 million orphans in the world you laid your eye's on little A and brought her into our life. I believe with all my heart that she was hand picked by you so I know she's the perfect angel for our family. Please watch over her until it's time for us to go. I love her and I know you do too. Thanks for her life, what a precious gift you gave us.

Love Jill

Pizza Ranch

So we've been told that it would most likely be the end of September before our 1st trip. It seems like a long wait so I need to keep busy and I only have 1 level in our home that I could repaint which is the basement so I've decided to save that for between trips. Yes I plan everything! For those of you who've been through the adoption journey you will understand this and for those who haven't you will....waiting is hard, you dream a lot and wonder about a lot of things, like hair color, eye color etc but once you get that picture and you can look at your son/daughter everyday it's different, it's still waiting but different! That motherhood really kicks in and it's more of a I NEED to get there before I miss out on anymore of his/her life, I NEED to get there so he/she doesn't have to spend another day in the orphanage...I just NEED to get there. I can not wait to take her in my arms and love her forever....she is so stinkin adorable!!

In the meantime I have things planned and fundraisers are a big part of that because the money we have saved is going to go fast. We are going to see selling Pizza Ranch coupons. If you're local please consider helping us met our goal of raising another 2500.00 before we leave for our 1st trip. The cost is $13.00 for a large single topping. You can either stop by our home or the nutritional club to pick them up or if you see me out and about I'll always carry a few on me.

FYI::: We are planning to do a parents night out mid Sept. We don't have all the details ironed out but we would take your children on a Sat night from 6pm - 12pm and charge a flat rate so you can enjoy date night or a night out with friends. This is open to your friends as well. I will keep you updated on date and rate.