Hurdles

I've brought this big white box up a few times in the last 4 days and couldn't find a single word to write. I even wondered if I should be trying and through prayer and the help of some very special people who have listened and walked beside me the past few days I've decided that as much as I hurt I also need prayer warriors in a big way. There are some issues with Amara's paperwork on the Russian side. This could either prolong or bring us to opening our home to a different child. This hurts, this is confusing but we know that God is a big God and that He knows the plans He has for us. Sometimes it's not like we planned or hoped and that's where trust and faith is so very important. I am so thankful that I've accepted God to be my Saviour. As bad as this hurts my human heart I am at a great place of peace, which I'll be honest is very hard to explain. I sometimes think I should be more of a mess than I am and than I remember that it's God and He's comforting me.

As a selfish human I would pray that Amara comes home to us but the ultimate goal for me when I started this was to open my home to an orphan to lessen the # in orphanages and if it's not this child God knows our home and hearts are open and when He sees fit He will bring her to us. God knows that I love Amara and He knows what's best for her.

We have decided to open this to you as we know all our followers and we ask that as much as your stomach is suddenly feeling sick and shivers are creeping up your spine that you don't feel sorry for us...just pray for us and for Amara.

We sorry if we talked to some of you in the last few days or few hours and couldn't find the words to tell you. This has been tough. We are thankful for every one of your prayers and concerns and especially those who helped me through the last few days.

I will update you as we know more, however please respect our wishes that at this time we would like your prayers but don't care to share a lot of details.

God is good and He is bigger than any hurdle or bump. We're not giving up, we're not turning back. Adoption was for us to glorify God and that's still the path we're on.

I have to share this short story that I feel is so fitting for me and probably a lot of you.

At first I saw God as my observer, my judge, keeping track of the things I did wrong, so as to know whether I merited heaven or hell when I die. He was out there sort of like a president. I recognized His picture when I saw it, but I really didn't know Him. But later on, when I met God, it seemed as though life was rather like a bike ride, but it was a tandem bike, and I noticed that God was in the back, helping me pedal.

I don't know when it was that He suggested that we change places, but life has not been the same since. When I had control, I knew the way. It was rather boring, but predictable... It was the shortest distance between two points. But when He took the lead, He knew delightful long cuts, up mountains, and through rocky places at breakneck speeds. It was all I could do to hang on! Even though it looked like madness, He said, "Pedal."

I worried and was anxious and asked, "Where are you taking me?" He laughed and didn't answer, and I started to learn to trust. I forgot my boring life and entered into the adventure. And when I'd say, "I'm scared," He'd lean back and touch my hand.

He took me to people with gifts that I needed, gifts of healing, acceptance and joy. They gave me gifts to take on my journey...and we were off again. He said, "Give the gifts away; they're extra baggage, too much weight." So I did, to the people we met, and I found that in giving I received, and still our burden was light.

I did not trust Him, at first, in control of my life. I thought He'd wreck it; but He knows bike secrets, knows how to make it bend to take sharp corners, knows how to jump to clear high rocks, knows how to fly to shorten scary passages. And I am learning to shut up and pedal in the strangest places, and I'm beginning to enjoy the view and the cool breeze on my face with God as my delightful constant companion. And when I'm sure I just can't do anymore, He just smiles and says,

"Pedal"

~ Author Unknown ~

He Is

Come Alive - Mark Schultz

Father let the world just fade away
Let me feel Your presence in this place
Lord I've never been so weary
How I need to know You're near me
Father let the world just fade away
'Til I'm on my knees
'Til my heart can sing

He is
He was
He always will be
Even when it feels like there is no one holding me
Be still, my soul
He is

Father let Your Holy Spirit sing
Let it calm this storm inside of me
As I stand amazed
Lift my hands and say

He is
He was
He always will be
He lives
He loves
He's always with me
Even when it feels like there is no one holding me
Be still my soul

Through every fear
And every doubt
In every tear I shed
Down every road
I'm not alone
No matter where I am

He is
He was
He always will be
He lives
He loves
He's always with me
Even when it feels like there is no one holding me
Be still my soul
Be still and know
Be still my soul
He is

What you're waiting for

I'm here like promised, planned to get this done first thing this morning but that never happened. I had a scare...I thought I lost, misplaced or dumped our I600A approval. My mind seems a little scattered lately but all is OK I found them. That completes our Dossier #2 because medicals were done last Wednesday and we picked up results and Dr licenses yesterday. I am now searching for crisp 100 dollar bills to take to Russia. I looked at our suitcases last night and thought about getting them out but decided to rewrite the questions and packing list for Trip 1 instead. I got a packing list from a dear friend however it needed to be adjusted because we're packing light...1 carry on and 1 backpack for each of us! Before we get to the room pictures I have to share our latest purchase, Jamie and I went to Wal Mart together last night and picked up a few things. It was fun!


Austin's Room...I actually ended up painting this one a few times because the 1st yellow we had was way to bright. Ceiling fan and curtains will make this room complete, besides other "things" he wants to hang on the way but I'm done with my part.



Tristan's Room...complete as soon as ceiling fan is hung. We are a host family this year for 2 NWC soccer players so he can't wait for them to come over and see his room.



Our Room...I wasn't so sure of this color at 1st but I really like it now, it's refreshing.




Amara Marie Anna's Room... yep that's her name. Amara was picked by Jamie originally and when I looked up the meaning and found out it meant Grace I was convinced that this was the name God wanted for her. Marie is after my amazing sister and Anna is her Russian name. I love her room and it's complete besides her!




I did some painting in the hall awhile back. I was worried about it being too dark but think it looks nice with the decor.


We are meeting with a family tonight that adopted from Russia 3 years ago, I can't wait to hear their story and share ours. Please pray that God directs our visit and tomorrow night it's a welcome home party for our friends that are coming home from China. Yipppeee can't wait. They get into Omaha at 10:30pm so it'll be a late night but I'm super excited.

We haven't heard anything different or new on travel dates but I will be talking to agency today and hopefully will have news to post soon.

I am going to be starting a new fundraiser. I will post information on that soon. It's a fun fun fundraiser with lots of items I'm sure you'll like just as much as I do!

Hi Amara,

It's mommy again. Just wanted to let you know that there isn't a day that goes by that I don't dream about you. I hope you contuine to catch my kisses and know that mommy and daddy are coming soon! I can't wait to see your beautiful face.

I love you Amara!

Im over it...for now

OK now that I have a small group of followers and I know whose reading the blog I'm going to let some feelings go. The past few days have not been the easiest and I'm not sure why. I have to admit that most of it is my fault. I get high hopes. I keep thinking that today will be the day we get the call on travel dates and nothing than I think OK tomorrow and nothing than OK next week and nothing. At this point I've started to upset myself so to make it worse I go looking at other peoples time lines to see how long they waited which makes it worse. We were originally told that they thought we'd travel at the end of Sept so I was hoping we'd have dates by now. We were also told that because of her age it might take longer than normal so I shouldn't be all the shocked that its been almost a month since we accepted however I'm human and I want to go now. This is when I have to remember that God is in control. On top of this the devil has been attacking me with doubt, fear and what ifs. Today I just couldn't take it and I cried out for help. I know I need to trust Him but looking at Miss A's picture everyday and not being able to see her just got to me. Tonight I spend some time in prayer, God knows my heart and He knows whats best. I have to remember that while I'm waiting I am to serve Him and right now for reasons I don't understand He needs me here more than He needs me in Russia. I will share one attack. Since I thought we might be gone by this weekend I don't have anything planned so the devil was playing around with me today, trying to make me believe that because I wasn't in Russia I deserved a Jill day when in all reality I told a friend of mine I would support her family in the Buddy Walk if I was here. I let him toy with my mind for awhile and than God spoke to me and he reminded me that while I'm waiting I was to serve Him..it's not about Jill so before the devil took one more strike at me I committed to my friend that I would be there on Sat. That may be 1 reason while I'm still here and not in Russia, God is making sure I'm listening. Another reason is He crossed our path with a family from Orange City that also adopted from Russia and we have having coffee with them tomorrow night and Thursday night we are taking the Bilby kids to Omaha to welcome their parents and Jada home from China and Sat is the Buddy Walk. I'm a tool in God's tool box and He is using me right where I am so until He says go I will serve Him right here.

I have been asked to post finished pictures of the bedrooms I was painting. They are all finished besides ceiling fans in the boys rooms and I'm having Austin's curtains made out of his bedskirt which arent finished but I will post pictures tomorrow. We have also decided that because we made our blog private to share Miss A's full name so you can start praying for us and her by name. That will be tomorrow....her name is on her bedroom wall so the secret would be out anyway. See you all tomorrow!

Love Jill

How Long Must I Wait, Lord?

And the Lord answered me and said: Write the vision, and make it plain upon tables that they may run that readeth it. For the vision is yet for an appointed time, but at the end, it shall speak and not lie: though it tarry, wait for it; because it will surely come, it will not tarry. (Habakkuk 2: 2, 3)

Have you ever been given a vision by God that seems like it will not come to pass? The waiting turns from days to weeks to months and sometimes even years. I, too, am at that place in God. I am waiting for the fulfillment of His promises spoken to me.

God may have given a word to you about the salvation of a loved one, about going forth in your ministry, about a new home, about a financial breakthrough, about a godly mate, about healing for yourself or someone you know, about a new business venture, or adding to your family. Whatever the vision He has put in your heart and spirit, know that He will bring it to pass in His timing.

God is not a man that He should lie; nor the son of man that He should repent: hath he said, and shall he not do it? or hath he spoken, and shall he not make it good? (Numbers 23:19)

I have learned in my walk with God that He answers in three ways: Yes, No, and Wait. The answer "Wait" is sometimes hard for me to comprehend. How long must I wait, Lord? God responded to me by His Holy Word:

Wait on the LORD: be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I say, on the LORD. (Psalm 27:14)

I am learning that the waiting process is not all bad. In this process God is molding me to become more like Him and making me ready for His promises. He is stretching me in my faith and allowing me to trust Him more, regardless of how the circumstances seem to be playing out. I am surrendering daily and waiting for the promise.

I've had a year that proved to be one of those seasons of truly waiting on the Lord.

As a sister in the Lord, I encourage you as well. As you are waiting for His promise to you to be fulfilled, let Him be glorified through you. As you are continue to trust in His perfect timing, though it tarry, wait for it. It will surely come to pass. It will not tarry.

Going Private

I will be allowing anyone that wants to follow our blog to send me their email address within the next 24 hrs and I will send you an invite. You can email me privately or in the comments. We aren't trying to hide from anyone or anything only protecting our family.

No words

There are simply no words to explain the pain in ones heart when they know their daughter is waiting in an orphanage without the love of a family and you can't go see her. It's been over 3 weeks since we signed the acceptance papers and still no invite to come. It's a time thing and I'm leaning on the Lord but as you see families get travel dates that only accepted a week ago its hard. Our agency is the best there is but they also have to wait for the Russian side to say "OK let them come" so everyday you wonder if this will be the day the phone rings and you begin to pack your bags, to leave part of you family here and meet the one waiting for you 1/2 way around the world.

I get asked this questions a lot...what can we do? It's simple dear friends. PRAY. Our lives are living proof that prayer changes things. I have an emptiness in my heart today and it aches to scoop my daughter up and love her forever so please take a minute of your time to cover our family and Miss A in prayer!