The gift of being santa

With a 14 and 13 year old it's been awhile since we've played santa but we had tons of fun. The difference was we had 4 santas instead of 2. The excitment in the house when everyone first wakes up Christmas morning is beyond words, they can never find the gifts fast enough. They 1st looked on the deck, than in the front yard and as they turned to look out the other window Jazmine saw the wagon. I missed these days more than I knew. We had a wonderful Christmas. Thank you Lord for sending us the gift of your son and for blessing our family this very special Christmas.

Seriously, he was SUPPOSE to be helping Jamie..


"Santa" loading up the wagon.


These have always been my favorite. The Oh My! look


Our "santas" dont seem to enjoy the camera. haha

2010.... A year of trusting and change

So what can I say, I stink at coming back soon when it's a place I'd most days like to forget I even need to visit however so much as happened and I believe as I begin to see God's plan come alive it's time to share.

Last post, June 2010. To make this super long update as short as possible yet informative I will list important dates and feelings.

June - Lost referral...

June to July - told that Russian adoptions really slow down during this time and should hear something August. Still wrestling with God and the incidences of life.

August - Agency told us that Smolensk continues to be closed. We were informed that St Petersburg would accept our file which means every stinking piece of paperwork needed to be redo since our completed file was left in Smolensk. Seriously? If the region was closing why would they leave a file that took us almost 2 months to complete? I didn't move as fast as I did the 1st time so by month end I completed the file. File was translated and in St Pete 1st part of Sept.

Sept. - Agency called about a referral in St Pete that was born at 26 weeks but doing well. They said we had 48 hrs to decide if we wanted the official referral. I went straight to the internet and started my research which in all honestly scared me but then there really isn't too much about this journey that doesn't scare me so I prayed. I didn't feel a tug either was so I called the agency and told them that we were willing to have her evaluated by our International Dr. We figured we'd hear in a day or two but nothing. 1 week passed, than 2 and every time I called they said it could take some time to get the referral and they'd call as soon as they had it. A little over 3 weeks and the phone rings...it’s the referral dept. and I'm thinking yes! Finally we get to see this little girl but I'm once again wrong. I hear the voice say, "Well we have a referral for you" I say in response "yes I know we've been waiting". So how does she look for being born at 26 weeks?" "Oh we didn't get that referral, however we've asked Smolensk if they would make an exception for you since you were registered there so long" silence..."And" "Well they said they would, she's turning 1 in Dec." silence...she than says " Jill you don't seem excited" all I could say was "I'm shocked I thought the door to Smolensk was closed and what about..." I had 100 questions/thoughts going through my mind and I knew she was talking but all I heard was mumbles so she asks again “Jill, do you want to see her?" "Sure". I didn't run to my email like most people do or like I did the 1st time. I cried. Smolensk? Am I ready for this? This call came at 9ish am and at 4pm I finally called a friend and told her the days events to which she asked so, is she cute, are you going to accept her? I don't know I haven't even opened the email. I was scared to look at a face that wouldn't look like the little girl I thought was going to be my daughter so she said she would look and give me her opinion. That sounded good to me! I forwarded the email to her and within minutes she calls back. I didn't even say hello, I just said "so what do you think"? Here is her response almost word for word..."Jill, I think she’s cute and I think her medical looks good but before you open the email you need to know something. Her name is Anna!! What, no way. Not only are we back in Smolensk but we got another referral with the same name as the little girl we looked at for almost 11 months thinking all that time she'd someday be our daughter. FROZEN I opened the email. The 1st thought was NO! I don't even think she's cute. I waited till Jamie got home to share the news. He was emotionless and didn't have an opinion on how he felt or what we should do but we both agreed we were not going to tell the boys. 2 days passed and neither of us even mentioned her, day 3 our agency called and asked what we wanted to do. At this time I agreed to have our IA Dr evaluate the referral. After a few questions for the orphanage he told us to go see her so I called our agency and told them. They informed me that we needed to get our acceptance letter in asap as travel would be soon since the region was technically closed. 5 days after we faxed the acceptance in, the phone call comes. Only it’s not the travel dept. like I was told would be calling, it was the director. All I heard was Jill....and my response filled with tears was NO, not again!!! Please not again. I'm sorry Jill....she's gone.

My wrestling with the Lord turns into a fight. How could all this be happening and why?

October - Jamie says he's done! I agree that I was too but deep down I knew I wasn't. Was I scared to go on? Yes. Was I scared to get and lose yet another referral? You bet I was but I was also scared to stop but I'm not the only one in this scary journey so I need to respect Jamie's wishes as well.

Oct 11 - Get contract termination letter from our agency. Instant sick feeling. Could this really be the end? What if our daughter is out there and we're quitting too early? I felt like throwing up and it was at that time that I feel to my knees and begged God to guide me and to soften Jamie's heart. I didn't do anything with the letter for a few days until Jamie asked about it. I take that back he didn't ask about it, it was more like this. Where is the letter and how soon we can get the fees returned that they've agreed on. I had a confession to make. I had been on the database and saw a little girl that I felt God lead me right to. I asked him if he would take a look at her picture, he said he would. I asked him if he'd try one more time. I told him I would call our agency and see if they could get her as a referral. I knew I was grasping at straws because this is not at all how Russian adoptions happen. The next day I called, 4 days later they called back. Yep she's there BUT she isn't cleared for International adoption until Dec 28th. So wait again or close the door? We decided to wait.

Nov 7th - Russian team has been to the adoption center and they have agreed to allow us to come see her after she clears the database as long as no bio family or Russian families come to get her. Just like before they still trump Americans.

Nov 10th - Iowa Kidsnet calls about placement of a sibling group. We decline.

Nov 15th - Another call from Iowa Kidsnet about the same kids. They said they really needed to find a family for them. Girl just turned 3 and boy just turned 4. I tell Jamie, we tell boys and after praying feel God is calling us to step forward. Not knowing how life will look with 5 kids or if we'll even go to Russian we decide to take them.

Nov 19th - go pick up the kids...

Nov 25th - Russian team saw her at the orphanage...good news!!

Dec 22nd - Agency calls to wish us a Merry Christmas and let us know that they are still thinking we will hear from Russia soon after the New Year.

So right now we will continue to follow God's provision for our lives as we try to figure out how to balance work, school, daycare, preschool and being a family of 6 while praying for Miss A!!

We're still alive

Just wanted to take a minute to let you know that we are alive, well and still moving forward. Life has been great actually and God is still the amazing God he always has been. I know there's some of you that have been asking questions and wondering what's going on so I promise I will make a full post on everything that has happened. Just got home from a weekend at the lake and I'm tired however I wanted to post becasue I told myself the next time I got an email from a concerned friend I would and that email came over the week. You will hear from me soon!

Love Jill

When God Hurts Your Feelings

Asking why is perfectly normal. Asking why isn’t
unspiritual. However, if asking this question pushes
us farther from God rather than drawing us closer
to Him, it is the wrong question. Too often, we tend
to question God:

• Why did this happen?
• Why didn’t You stop this, God?
• Why weren’t my prayers answered?
• Why am I alone?
• Why did this happen today of all days?!

In most situations, nothing positive can come
from whatever answer there might be to a why
question. Even if God gave us His reason why,
we would judge Him. And His reasons, from our
limited perspective, would always fall short.
That’s because our flat human perceptions
simply can’t process God’s multidimensional,
eternal reason.

Isaiah 55:8-9: “‘For my thoughts are not your
thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,’”
declares the Lord. ‘As the heavens are higher
than the earth, so are my ways higher than your
ways and my thought than your thoughts.’”

If asking the why question doesn’t offer hope, what will?
The what question. In other words: Now that this is my
reality, what am I supposed to do with it? So, when God
hurts your feelings, don’t ask why … ask what? For example,
ask God the following questions:

• What do You want me to do with what has happened?
• What can I learn from this?
• What part of this is for my protection?
• What other opportunities could God be providing?
• What maturity could God be building into me?

Where do I start...

I don't even need to tell you that Ive been MIA because that's the obvious issue...so what is going on? This is the question that has flooded my mind and my email the past few weeks so I will try to bring you up to speed.

May 1st - A was suppose to released from the database, this is the date we were told since Nov 1st was the day we could travel to meet her. May 1st came and went, we were than told that because of the Russian holiday travel dates would more than likely be after that which is the 12th or there was a small possibility that we could get them in between the 2 holidays which would be May 5 -7, May 5 comes along with a call from our agency and they tell me that even though I didn't know they were being told for awhile that our dates would be given May 5. As May 5 passed they questioned so they contacted Russia to be told that since she had to redo her time on the database she also needed to be seen by 3 Russian families for adoption. I freaked out, after 10 months of waiting they are now going to show her to other families. I was beside words but that's kinda the way this whole adoption has went so I proceeded to trust. I asked the director of our agency if this concerned her and she told me no, its just going to mean you wait longer to which I asked how much and she told me hopefully you travel 1st part of June. Hard to accept but OK! I'm nervous and scared but trying to trust our agency and the Lord. I think I emailed almost every day to see how many families had seen her and if everything was OK, it always was until the call on May 25th, 1 family has seen her and declined and the 2nd family has asked for her medical and is considering. I bawled and bawled, how could this be happening, we were always told that anything could happen until May 1st which I knew but no one ever told me all this was going to take place after May 1st. This family has 2 weeks (June 7th) to decide, unreal I've waited 11 1/2 months and will take her no matter what and they can sit around for 2 weeks and decide. I had 2 weeks to pray, pray that God's will wouldd be done and that I'd have the strength to accept it. 1 week done and no change, our agency went into the adoption center in Smolensk and everything was the same. The days were dragging on and Satan was attacking my mind but I tried to stay strong and I prayed! I was getting bad feelings but I prayed! I work early morning as many of you know so on my drive home Friday morning (6am) I felt myself starting to unravel, I found myself driving home with tears rolling down my face and I was begging God to let me in on His plan. I needed Him to either open the door all the way and let us travel or close it so I could move on. I pleaded with Him to give A a family, I told Him I didn't care if it was here or in Russia just give her what she deserves and give me the strength to accept it. I was emotionally at the end of my rope, my sister says its at the end of your rope that you find the hem of His robe but I can't say I found that. I got home around 7am and laid down for about an hour before heading to my day job, I arrived there at 9:00am my cell phone rang at 9:25 it was the 440 area code...my agency...my heart sank, I began to sweat, felt like crying and than I heard the voice on the other end say Jill are you somewhere you can talk. Yes! I am what whats going on. Jill I hate to tell you this but the Russian family came back this morning and took Anna. Are you for real, shes gone. You mean I'll never hold or see the little girl I thought was gong to be my daughter. The phone went silent on both ends and all I could muster out is...I need time. It took everything I had to walk back into my office, pull myself together and finish the day but God gave me everything I needed. Telling Jamie was hard, telling the boys was even harder. How do you explain something to a 13 and 12 year old that you don't understand yourself. Tristan didn't say anything and Austin said No mom, not really! We headed to the lake Sat morning and spent time trying to put things back together. I have a zillion questions I'd like answers to but I'm moving past that cause all the answers in the world won't change the outcome. A friend shared this and its something that I will hang onto for a long time. She said God picks people and he didn't pick you to be her mom but He picked you to prayer for her until she found one. I'm honored, Lord. Thanks for picking me. I will prayer for her forever!

So how are we doing? Better than I ever imagined. We immediately contacted a few close friends and we know that they went to the cross for us because I felt the power of prayer like never before. Its only been a few days but I'm learning to accept that God has a different, better plan and to be honest I'm excited to see it unfold. There are moments I think about her and my heart sinks but I'm go grateful she has a family and that her days in the orphanage are over.

We thought about calling our agency yesterday just to see what our options where but I didn't feel God laying that on my heart so I was going to let a few days pass. Around 3pm the director called and wanted me to know that Smolensk has shut down and that if we want to move forward we would need to move our file to a different region. God is working because I wasn't sure I could emotionally go to Smolensk after all this. They are checking other regions to see where we can go however we are being very careful. In all honesty I actually thought about pulling the plug, walking away from the money spent because I didn't think I had the strength to go on that was until we asked the boys on Sat if they thought we should stop, or take a brake. I was willing to honor their wishes because we've all been through alot but almost in unison they both said. Mom I think we need to find our sister. Wow talk about taking your breathe away. So here we go, closing a chapter of our lives as we trust God to lead us to our daughter/sister.

If you learn to depend on the Lord you'll learn on dependable He is

Hugs Jill

Wait

Desperately, helplessly, longingly, I cried;
Quietly, patiently, lovingly, God replied.
I pled and I wept for a clue to my fate . . .
And the Master so gently said, "Wait."
"Wait? you say wait?" my indignant reply.
"Lord, I need answers, I need to know why!
Is your hand shortened? Or have you not heard?
By faith I have asked, and I'm claiming your Word.
"My future and all to which I relate
Hangs in the balance, and you tell me to wait?
I'm needing a 'yes', a go-ahead sign,
Or even a 'no' to which I can resign.
"You promised, dear Lord, that if we believe,
We need but to ask, and we shall receive.
And Lord I've been asking, and this is my cry:
I'm weary of asking! I need a reply."
Then quietly, softly, I learned of my fate,
As my Master replied again, "Wait."
So I slumped in my chair, defeated and taut,
And grumbled to God, "So, I'm waiting for what?"
He seemed then to kneel, and His eyes met with mine . . .
and He tenderly said, "I could give you a sign.
I could shake the heavens and darken the sun.
I could raise the dead and cause mountains to run.
"I could give all you seek and pleased you would be.
You'd have what you want, but you wouldn't know Me.
You'd not know the depth of my love for each saint.
You'd not know the power that I give to the faint.
"You'd not learn to see through clouds of despair;
You'd not learn to trust just by knowing I'm there.
You'd not know the joy of resting in Me
When darkness and silence are all you can see.
"You'd never experience the fullness of love
When the peace of My spirit descends like a dove.
You would know that I give, and I save, for a start,
But you'd not know the depth of the beat of My heart.
"The glow of my comfort late into the night,
The faith that I give when you walk without sight.
The depth that's beyond getting just what you ask
From an infinite God who makes what you have last.
"You'd never know, should your pain quickly flee,
What it means that My grace is sufficient for thee.
Yes, your dearest dreams overnight would come true,
But, oh, the loss, if you missed what I'm doing in you.
"So, be silent, my child, and in time you will see
That the greatest of gifts is to truly know me.
And though oft My answers seem terribly late,
My most precious answer of all is still . . . Wait."

Countdown is complete..What does this mean?

May 1st is the day we've been waiting for since Nov 1st, 2009. What does this day mean and why aren't we boarding the jet. Well back in Nov the judge gave A another 6 months on the database which means she was not available for international adoption during that period, she could however be adopted by a Russian family, bio family member except her dad or put into foster care. May 1st marks that date that she is available for international adoption which is the date we needed to get to in order for us to even be invited. Now that we've arrived the MOE of Russia needs to sign her release and than we'll get invited, so in other words we're now able to go but need to wait for her release and than an invite. With the Russian holidays from May 1 - 3 and 8 - 10 there is only those few days 4 -7 that this could be signed, we're praying God moves mountains and it happens during this time otherwise it will happen after the 10th when they return to work. We really have no idea when we'll travel because of this but this is an idea...IF the MOE signs her release during the 4th - 7th we would more than likely travel mid May IF the MOE waits until after the Holidays than we'd more than likely travel end of May.

This has been a journey and though we are far from the end we could really use your prayers. Please pray for Amara and her caretakers, for us, for strength and understanding, that all road blocks are pulled out, papers are signed and we get invited for 1st trip soon!

A while back I shared in a post about a website called Prayer Works where you can post a prayer request and than be notified when someone prays, they can also email you the prayer. I love that site, Ive posted prayer request on there esp. in the last few weeks with all the media confusion and mess in Russia after the TN woman sent her son back but I also like to pray for others. Its neat! This is an email I received yesterday and it really pulled at my heart strings. God has really put some amazing people in my life!

Hold tightly to the Lord and His resources. Doing the impossible is
everyday business for God.

God has not forgotten you or your daughter. It is so easy to see
that your heart breaks for the same things that break God's heart.
He will hear your cry and all of us crying out with you!

May the Lord bless you with peace while you face uncertainty and
waiting. I pray that God would give wisdom and His vision to all who
need it to make sure your daughter can soon be in your arms!

Whats in a name

Amara means Eternal

Gender: Female
Origin: Greek

I was helping Austin with his assignment and decided to check out her name. On another website I originally used when we picked her name it said grace. I'll take Eternal tonight. God knows my heart!

Busy but Anxious

I almost hate to even write that word...ANXIOUS because as you know God's word says be anxious about nothing but pray about everything. I'm still praying but truth of the matter is I'm anxious...I really want travel dates!

I guess I can be thankful that we've been so busy we almost don't have time to think and the last 3 weeks seem like they just flew out the window. Our medicals are done, home study update is done and both are on the way to Russia that only leaves 1 document left to do before we leave than hopefully we'll get our court date asap.

This week the US and Russia will have their "meeting" about the woman sending her son back, I don't think this will effect us at all however Ive heard that singles may be effect. Please pray for those individuals. We are hading right into May holidays for Russia and word is that no dates will be given however a friend of mine just got 1st trip travel dates and she will be leaving Friday which puts her in Russia right during that time so there' hope and God willing we could still get dates before the end of the month. Otherwise we're to the point that the call could come any day. I plan on calling our agency today or tomorrow to see if they've heard anything. Every time I think about seeing her my heart does somersaults. I cant wait to see how much she's changed since her 9 month picture. Please pray that God continues to give us a strength that can only come from Him. My friend gave me wise advise, she said to tie a knot at the end of the rope so it's easier to hang on. Whew we're still hanging but we've been hanging for almost 9 1/2 months and we're ready...but is God ready to send us?

Homestudy Update & Medicals

We are so close to having everything that we will need for our 2nd trip (court). There are additional documents that need to be gathered after 1st trip, these docs need to be sent to Russia before they will issue a court date. Most agencies have people do this when they get home however our agency likes it all done right before you go for 1st trip that way it can be given to the coordinators in Russia when we're there so we can hopefully get court date sooner. Right now our agency is still saying 5 weeks in between 1st and 2nd. We had 3 things that we still needed...Homestudy update which happened Monday. They came for the home visit to make sure nothing has changed in the past year and she told us she thought it would be complete end of next week, medicals which can not be more than 3 months old at the time of court and guess what....we got the go ahead to get them so today that got finished, lastly we still need current police clearances again cant be more than 3 months old for court. I don't have a plan to do those yet but it only takes 30 mins, nice thing about small town. I just drive 3 miles to the sheriff station, they run our record, fill out the form with a notary and done. We are so ready to go, now just wait for dates!

Are we in the clear?

I wish we could say this is all over and everything is normal however thats not the case. This woman returning her son to Russia has caused a HUGE mess especially for families liek ours waiting for travel dates. Im not sure how long it will be before things die down but after talking to our agency this afternoon Im hopefully we will be fine. They said no news is good news and they were doing everyday business like usual. She even started that they got some referrals, some court dates and even have families in country so thats a good sign. She said nothing different about us just the same as last week...sit tight and maybe get travel dates May 4 - 7 or after May 10th. Today was the most positive day so far in reguards to newspapers, emails, blogs, facebook, etc. Here is what a friend forwarded me from the Moscow Times...

Adoption Flap Not Expected to Last Long

Adoptions, a hot-button issue after several Russian children died at the hands of their U.S. parents in recent years, jumped to the forefront last Thursday when a single Tennessee mother sent her 7-year-old Russian son to Moscow with a note saying she no longer wanted him.

Keep praying...God has a plan and it's always a perfect plan.

Praise the Lord

Here is the latest...Praise the Lord may He have all the glory!!

Recent situation with a child being "returned" to Russia had us all concerned.

Concerned with a child's well being, just imagine the effect of being "returned" by your adoptive mother now, after being abandoned by your biological mother. The effect is, well, devastating.

Concerned about children who are in orphanages now and were waiting for their adoptive parents. Since an incident like that reflects not just on one family, but on the entire adoption program, and we've seen too many adoption programs close recently, and children are the ones left out.

Concerned about parents waiting to adopt, waiting to bring a child into their family, to love, to cherish, to call their own.

As of today I was told that we shouldn't panic and that Russian adoption authorities will continue "business as usual."

Russian President said that he believes that it was just an unfortunate situation and the child just ended up with a bad family.

The ombudsmen did call for "not a moratorium but a suspension of all adoption agencies practices." He doesn't have the power to implement this and it's not really clear what he meant by this but he does have the president's ear. I suspect that an announcement won't be made until after the President leaves the U.S. this week.

The accredited agency that did the placement had its accreditation suspended for a month, pending detailed investigation, but with a right finish adoptions currently in process.

That's the status on 12 NOON EST on Monday, April 12th, 2010.

Thanks

First I want to thank all of you that have emailed letting us know you are praying for us, we appreciate it more than you know. Everyone keeps asking me how I'm doing so I thought I'd let you all know. We're great, to be honest this really has affected us or our attitude. We have a great peace that comes from our Heavenly Father and in no way are we prepared to allow Satan to steal that. In my opinion I just don't think that Russia would be able to close all adoptions to the US. From 2001 to 2007 66,000 children were placed in US homes, with only 14 cases of craziness. There are currently 770,000 children in orphanages in Russia. I'm sorry to say this but with the number of kids without parental care and the amount of money that flows from US adoptive families they would have to think long and hard to end it. Things might slow done some and court will be rough for the families in the next 6 months but I just don't see it ending. For us personally I trust that God has a plan and it's already all worked out so all we can do is pray, have faith and as a friend told me...enjoy the ride! We are moving forward as always, still counting down the days and hoping to travel mid to late May. To us this is just another hurdle in the journey. So the count down continues.....

days!!

Couldn't Of Said It Better Myself

I received this email this morning in reply to another email...Well said.

Yes...I think all of us in the "waiting Stage" have heard and shuddered at this news and these articles. Like many times before,Russia threatens alot of things. This is another way for the country to divert the attention of their own political and social shortcomings - like 740,000 children without parental supervision. We are dealing with a country that denied they had any involvment in a war in Afganistan to its own children...really? ?
Is it scary to all of us "good parents"? Absolutely, but we are powerless in the international adoption world. The only hope that we hang on to is that adoption is a big money maker in Russia and they would have to think long and hard before freezing those funds coming in on a steady stream.
There were 60,000 children adopted from Russia and since 1996 to 2010 there have been 14 cases of neglect or murder to Russians by American AP. Yes, one child is one too many...but an entire society of wonderful parents would be demonized for 14 crazy people. ---While in Russia we saw a program on russian TV by Russian Ed Officals that 78% of orphans will become drug addicts, criminals or commit suicide. So thats a half million children without parental care that might take a turn towards drugs or crime, instead of chancing it with a loving American Family? !
So, we as APs can only sit again, powerless and wait for the powers to be to hopefully realize their own shortcomings and not deny these thousands of children loving homes.

Law murky for mom who returned adopted Russian boy

Posted: Apr 10, 2010 5:02 AM CDT
Updated: Apr 10, 2010 5:03 AM CDT

By KRISTIN M. HALL and NATALIYA VASILYEVA
Associated Press Writers
SHELBYVILLE, Tenn. (AP) - A Tennessee woman has stirred international outrage by sending a Russian boy she adopted back to Moscow on a flight by himself, yet local authorities said it's not clear if she broke any laws.

The 7-year-old boy, Artyom Savelyev, was put on a plane with a note saying his adoptive mother no longer wanted to parent him because he was violent and had severe psychological problems. While her actions were condemned by Russia's president and U.S. diplomats, the sheriff investigating the case said it's not clear if anyone can be charged.

"You know, you look at it and it's hard to say exactly if a law has been broken here," Bedford County Sheriff Randall Boyce said. "This is extremely unusual. I don't think anyone has seen something like this before."

Russia threatened to suspend all child adoptions by U.S. families over the treatment of the boy, who was called Justin Hansen by the Tennessee family.

The boy's adoptive grandmother, Nancy Hansen of Shelbyville, said the boy was violent and angry with her daughter. She said she flew with the boy to Washington and then put him on a plane to Moscow.

"He drew a picture of our house burning down, and he'll tell anybody that he's going to burn our house down with us in it," she told The Associated Press in a telephone interview. "It got to be where you feared for your safety. It was terrible."

Authorities in Tennessee were investigating the adoptive mother, Torry Hansen, 33.

Bob Tuke, a Nashville attorney and member of the American Academy of Adoption Attorneys, said abandonment charges against the family could depend on whether the boy was a U.S. citizen.

It wasn't clear if the adoption had become final. A Tennessee health department spokeswoman said there was no birth certificate issued for the boy, a step that would indicate he had become a U.S. citizen.

The sheriff said Hansen initially agreed to be interviewed by authorities but then postponed it after talking to a lawyer.

Boyce said it would be difficult to substantiate claims by Russian officials that the mother mistreated the child.

"We're here, and the child is in Russia, so it's hard for us to know whether this child has been abused," Boyce said.

The boy arrived unaccompanied in Moscow on a United Airlines flight on Thursday from Washington. The Kremlin children's rights office said the adoptive mother wrote in her note she was returning him because of severe psychological problems.

"This child is mentally unstable. He is violent and has severe psychopathic issues," the letter said. "I was lied to and misled by the Russian Orphanage workers and director regarding his mental stability and other issues. ...

"After giving my best to this child, I am sorry to say that for the safety of my family, friends, and myself, I no longer wish to parent this child."

Russian Foreign Minister Sergey Lavrov called the family's actions "the last straw" in a string of U.S. adoptions gone wrong, including three in which Russian children had died in the U.S. The cases have prompted outrage in Russia, where foreign adoption failures are reported prominently.

Russian President Dmitry Medvedev strongly condemned the family's actions, telling ABC News that the boy "fell into a very bad family."

"It is a monstrous deed on the part of his adoptive parents, to take the kid and virtually throw him out with the airplane in the opposite direction and to say, 'I'm sorry I could not cope with it, take everything back' is not only immoral but also against the law," Medvedev said.

A freeze on adoptions could affect hundreds of American families. Last year, nearly 1,600 Russian children were adopted in the United States, and more than 60,000 Russian orphans have been successfully adopted there, according to the National Council For Adoption, a U.S. adoption advocacy nonprofit group.

The boy was adopted in September from the town of Partizansk in Russia's Far East.

Nancy Hansen, the grandmother, rejected assertions of child abandonment. She said he was watched by a United Airlines flight attendant and that the family paid a man $200 to pick the boy up at the Moscow airport and take him to the Russian Education and Science Ministry.

Nancy Hansen said a social worker checked on the boy in January and reported to Russian authorities that there were no problems. But after that, the grandmother said incidents of hitting, kicking and spitting began to escalate, along with threats.

She said she and her daughter went to Russia together to adopt the boy, and she believes information about his behavioral problems was withheld from her daughter.

"The Russian orphanage officials completely lied to her because they wanted to get rid of him," Nancy Hansen said.

She said the boy was very skinny when they picked him up, and he told them he had been beaten with a broom handle at the orphanage.

There was no response to a knock at Torry Hansen's door, and a phone listing couldn't be found for her. Her mother also declined to put AP in touch with her.

The U.S. ambassador to Russia, John Beyrle, said he was "deeply shocked by the news" and "very angry that any family would act so callously toward a child that they had legally adopted."

Anna Orlova, a spokeswoman for Kremlin's Children Rights Commissioner, said she visited the boy and he told her that his mother was "bad," ''did not love him" and used to pull his hair.

___

Vasilyeva reported from Moscow. Associated Press writers Travis Loller in Nashville, Joshua Freed in Minneapolis, George Tibbits in Seattle, and Foster Klug and Robert Burns in Washington contributed to this report.

Adoption freeze urged after boy returned to Russia

NATALIYA VASILYEVA
From Associated Press
April 09, 2010 1:46 PM EDT
MOSCOW (AP) — Russia should freeze all child adoptions with U.S. families, the country's foreign minister urged Friday after an American woman allegedly put her 8-year-old adopted Russian son on a one-way flight back to his homeland.

Artyom Savelyev arrived in Moscow unaccompanied on a United Airlines flight Thursday from Washington, the Kremlin children's rights office said Friday.

The children's office said the boy, whose adoptive name is Justin Hansen, was carrying a letter from his adoptive mother, Torry Hansen of Shelbyville, Tennessee, saying she was returning him due to severe psychological problems.

"This child is mentally unstable. He is violent and has severe psychopathic issues," the letter said, according to Russian officials, who sent what they said was a copy of the letter to The Associated Press. The authenticity of the letter could not be independently verified.

The U.S. ambassador to Russia, John Beyrle, said he was "deeply shocked by the news" and "very angry that any family would act so callously toward a child that they had legally adopted."

The boy is now in the hospital in northern Moscow for a checkup, Anna Orlova, spokeswoman for Kremlin's Children Rights Commissioner Pavel Astakhov, told The Associated Press.

Orlova, who visited Savelyev on Friday, said the child reported that his mother was "bad," ''did not love him," and used to pull his hair.

Savelyev was adopted late September last year from the town of Partizansk in Russia's Far East.

He turned up at the door of the Russian Education and Science Ministry on Thursday afternoon accompanied by a Russian man who had been hired by Savelyev's adopted grandmother to pick him up from the airport, according to the ministry. The chaperone handed over the boy and his documents, and then left, officials said.

The education minister said later Friday that it had decided to suspended the license of World Association for Children and Parents — a Renton, Washington-based agency that processed Savelyev's adoption — for the duration of the probe.

Foreign Minister Sergey Lavrov said in televised remarks that the ministry would recommend that the U.S. and Russia hammer out an agreement before any new adoptions are allowed.

"We have taken the decision ... to suggest a freeze on any adoptions to American families until Russia and the USA sign an international agreement" on the conditions for adoptions and the obligations of host families, Lavrov was quoted as saying.

Lavrov said the U.S. had refused to negotiate such an accord in the past but "the recent event was the last straw."

Russian officials have long cast a wary eye on international adoptions.

In 2006, Peggy Sue Hilt of Manassas, Virginia, was sentenced to 25 years in prison after being convicted of fatally beating a 2-year-old girl adopted from Siberia just months earlier.

In 2008, Kimberly Emelyantsev of Tooele, Utah, was sentenced to 15 years after pleading guilty to killing a Russian infant in her care.

These cases prompted outrage in Russia, where foreign ills are reported with gusto, and calls for tougher rules governing foreign adoptions.

Last year, nearly 1,600 Russian children were adopted in the United States, according to Tatyana Yakovleva of the ruling United Russia party.

Rob Johnson, a spokesman for the Tennessee Department of Children's Services, said the agency is looking into Friday's allegations, although they do not handle international adoptions.

Torry Ann Hansen is listed as a licensed registered nurse in Shelbyville, Tenn., according to the Tennessee Department of Health's Web site. No work address is listed.

Her name appears in a list of August 2007 graduates from Middle Tennessee State University in Murfreesboro, Tenn., with a Masters of Science in Nursing degree.

United Airlines allows unaccompanied children as young as 5 years old on direct flights. Children age 8 and above can catch connecting flights, as well.

___________

Associated Press writer Kristin Hall in Nashville, Tennessee, Joshua Freed in Minneapolis and Matthew Barakat in McLean, Virginia, contributed to this report.

Praying for the small window

My days have been better! Prayer helps and I've decided that right now it's not good for my mind to be home alone everyday so Jamie and I sat down the other night and talked about what to do. We've decided that if the days are long now I will really need to find something to do with my time between 1st and 2nd trip so I've decided to accept an offer from my dad to work 25 hours a week for him. That has helped my mind...I need to stay busy right now :)

I also got a positive email from our agency which has helped. This is the update...

Government offices will be closed May 1-3 (for May day). May 4-7 should be normal working days (although this can change). May 8-10 will be closed again (Victor day celebration).

So there is a very small window (May 4-7) that we MIGHT get official information confirming she is available for international adoption during these dates. They ask us to please understand that this is what we hope for, but there is no guarantee that the official information will come during these dates- this is the best case scenario. Ultimately it is up to the government offices if they do this in between holidays, and it is out of our control. It is possible that we might not get the official information until after May 10. They said delays are common. After this official information is received, then we need to submit a document to request your first trip dates This document cannot be submitted until after the official information is given. Once they receive this document, then they will receive your first trip dates. At that time you will apply for your visas to go to Russia, which takes a week. So most likely, you should plan to travel in the 2nd half of May, and it could be closer to the end of May if we receive the official information after May 10.

This is good, of course traveling tomorrow sounds good to me but at least we have an idea. Join us in prayer that the information we need comes in the small window. God can do the unthinkable IF it's his will.

Hello Satan

Yesterday was hard on me, I can actually say it was the 1st really hard day and with a friendly reminder from my hubby I should be thankful I didn't have many more of those in the last 6 months. I'm sure that you all had those days that just trip you up and you really can't pin point why, well mine was yesterday. I already felt it as I was working my morning job, just irritated for no reason. So after I got the boys to school I thought maybe it was from not getting enough sleep so I laid down, which was good, I slept 3 hours so I must of needed it but it still didn't help my mood. I did a few loads of laundry than headed to get my hair done to find out that I had no idea where my wallet was...how was I going to pay for my hair color without my checkbook or my debit card, so I tore the car apart and than back in the house to tear that apart, almost late for my appointment I find a debit card only it has Jamie's name on it, no problem the lady is a friend of mine she wont mind. Whew get there only 3 mins late, hair done, go to pay and she says Jill it says this card is invalid..nice! To the bank I went to get cash, more irritated. Had some Herbalife to deliver so I did that before heading home to pick up the boys, get home, check my email to find an email from the travel department at our agency. It says....We THINK you will get travel dates mid May. THINK, let's stop thinking and get answers!! Wow that truly was an attack but exactly how I felt. Did I reply that way? Nope I didn't even reply because I knew it wouldn't come across good but that's how I wanted to answer along with...enough is enough...we have waited long enough now give us travel dates....that's when it hit me like a ton of bricks. It was like God smacked me right in the forehead. Who do I think I am that I'm owed something? We have a good agency and they're doing all they can around the government shutting down in Russia for May Day but yesterday no matter what anyone did it wasn't going to satisfy me. Satan really had ahold of me, making me believe this should all of a sudden be finished. I felt like I was telling God...OK man enough of you leading get out of the drivers seat, you re not going fast enough! I'm human but I'm also ashamed and the reason I'm ashamed is because after sitting down with Jamie and explaining exactly how I felt it dawned on me, I hadn't spent time with God since Sat morning. That doesn't work for me and when I get "too busy" this is exactly how I feel. Jamie and I prayed and I was wrong for allowing myself to let my emotions and feelings of the moment take over my day. Satan attacked and I allowed it, he convinced me that I was owed answers when instead I should of been rejoicing that our time is nearing the end and God provided peace and strength the whole way, its only when I try to be in control that things really get messed up. I'm a believer that when you struggle you need to get in the Word and work through God's promises so that's what I did and this is what I found...


Let the Lord lead you and trust Him to help .Psalm 37 :5

With all your heart you must trust the Lord and not your own judgment. Always let Him lead you , and He will clear the road for you to follow .Proverbs 3:5-6

But now you will again see the Lord , your teacher , and He will guide you . Whether you turn to the right or to the left , you will hear a voice saying "This is the road ! Now follow it ." Isaiah 30: 20-21

But the Lord God keeps me from being disgraced . So I refuse to give up , because I know God will never let me down .Isaiah50:7

Don't worry about anything , but pray about everything . With thankful hearts offer up your prayers and request to God . Then , because you belong to Christ Jesus , God will bless you with peace that on one can completely understand. And this peace will control the way you think and feel. Philippians 4: 6-7

You say to me , "I will point out the road that you should follow. I will be your teacher and watch over you .Psalm 38: 8

If you do what the Lords wants , He will make certain each step you take is sure . The Lord will hold your hand , and if you stumble , you still won't fall .Psalm 37: 23-24

The Lord will protect you and keep you safe from all dangers . The Lord will protect you now and always where ever you go .Psalm 121: 7-8

Live under the protection of God Most High and stay in the shadow of God - All Powerful. Then you will say to the Lord , " You are my Fortress , my place of safety ; you are my God , and I trust you ." Psalm 91: 1-2

Don't fall into the trap of being a coward - trust the Lord , and you will be safe. Proverbs 29: 25

The Lord Most High is your fortress Run to Him for safety, and no terrible disasters will strike you or your home .Psalm 91: 9-10

God will command His angels to protect you wherever you go . They will carry you in their arms , and you won't hurt your feet on the stones.Psalm 91: 11-12

So don't be afraid of sudden disasters storms that strike those who are evil . You can be sure that the Lord will protect you from harm .Proverbs 3: 25-26

The Lord helps me ! Why should I be afraid of what people can do to me ?Hebrews 13:6
You are my hiding place ! You protect me from trouble , and you put songs in my heart because you have saved me .Psalm 32: 7

I may walk through the valleys as dark as death , but I won't be afraid . You are with me , and your shepherd's rod makes me feel safe . You treat me to a feast , while my enemies watch . You honor me as your guest , and you fill my cup until it over flows .Psalm 23: 4-5

God is our mighty fortress , always ready to help in times of trouble.Psalm 46:1

I give you peace , the kind of peace that only I can give . It isn't like the peace that this world can give . So don't be worried or afraid .John 14: 27

So day I started my day out different. I started my day with...Good Morning Lord... Today I'm thanking Him for all he's done for me instead of focusing on what I want changed and what I don't understand.

It's Friday But Sunday Is Coming

Is time flying?

Wow I can't believe I haven't posted since Mar 25th. I don't know if I'm getting some sort of special treatment from our Heavenly Father or if it's feeling like this for everyone but time is flying...seriously I can't believe today is April 1st already. That puts us down to



DAYS!!! I will be honest yesterday before I had my sit down with God I was bothered....feeling like somebody surely should be able to tell us something but after typing and retyping an email to the travel dept at our agency I decided I better not click send as it was sounding alittle snippy and ramped which was kinda how I was feeling...I mean come on give us travel dates so we can haul out the suitcases and get this show on the road. Things worked out anyway because later in the day I got an updated email on some questions we had asked a while back so I was than able to ask a few more :) She said they still didn't know for sure on travel dates so I kindly asked her if she would be able to inquire with the people in Russia to see if they had any idea. We were told about 2 weeks ago that we'd more than likely get called mid May...so what does that mean? That we'll get travel dates late April and travel mid May or that we'll get travel dates mid May and travel end of May. I just need alittle more right now. Of course being the great agency they are she says...no problem Jill I understand where you're coming from and I will get an email send right away and let you know as soon as I hear. I am now anxiously waiting the response! One thing we did get answered is that all our acceptance papers from last August will not have to be redone, which is good news. That means that they still have all out papers on hold over there and we shouldn't be held up, when the call comes it will be a...Book your flights call. Man that call can't come soon enough. God's time Jill, not yours hehe

We have all out updated paperwork turned in to Catholic Charities so they can update our International home study. That home visit will be April 12th. Our agency asked us to get this updated before 1st trip to hurry along the court date. Last we heard they thought time in between 1st trip and 2nd trip (court) would only be 5 weeks. That being said IF we go 1st trip mid May, 2nd trip mid June, come home to wait out 10 day wait we should be back in Russia to bring her home late June to early July. Now wouldn't that be a great Father's Day gift and birthday gift to Jamie!

We have completed our 10 weeks of MS MAPP classes for our foster/adoption licenses, finshed all 3 home visits and should have our license May 1st...the day Miss A is released from the database.

What else is happening in the Verduin home....Kids last day of school before Easter break is today and than they also have Monday off. Both boys have decided to go to a week summer camp, which I'm happy about, not for them to be gone because a week is a long time for me and Jamie but it's a Christian camp and they're at just that age where God needs to be at work in their minds and hearts. We got Tristan signed up for soccer. This is the 1st year our school has done it for 6th - 8th graders so it should be fun. The season is only from now until end of school year. I love it that he's getting more involved in sports. Jamie is busy at work, with the nice weather everyone is ready to start home improvements. I am still working 2 hours every morning from 2am - 4am, hate waking up but LOVE having my days free.

Church tonight, tomorrow night we're having Valerie and the girls over to color eggs, my sister will be home, Sat is the egg hunt in the park by our house. Next year we'll be there with bells on :) Sat night my family is getting together and Sunday...ahhh Sunday...Easter Sunday. HE IS RISEN.

Wishing you all a Happy Easter, remember why we celebrate. The candy and treats are great fro the kids but it's the cross my friends. He died on the cross to give you and I eternal life....thank Him!

Love Jill

10 things you may not know

I saw this on Beth Moore's blog and thought it would be fun to do. After you read mine share in the comments or do a post on your personal blog. I'd love to "see" more of who you are!

1) I have been self employed my whole life besides recently. I took a part time job, which I'm no longer doing and it left a bad taste in my mouth for time clocks and bosses.

2) If my whole family was on board I'd sell everything and live as a missionary.

3) Jamie and I have been together 15 years, divorced for 1 1/2 years until God radically changed our lives and brought our family back together. Stronger and better than ever with Him smack dap in the middle!

4) I have an older brother who everyone thinks is actually Jamie's brother and 1 younger sister who is like a best friend.

5) 3 years ago I was done having kids...

6) Our family building isn't ending after Amara gets home. I'd love to carry another child some day.

7) I have 2 biological boys Tristan - 13, Austin - 11 and a beautiful daughter Amara in Russia waiting for us to take her home forever.

8) I have 2 inside dogs (Coco and Chloe) an outside dog (Jade) a bird (Baby) and many fish...I love animals.

9) We are now licensed foster / adoptive parents in the state of Iowa.

10) I'm content just the way I am. I'm a sinner and I fall short every day but all that matters to me as that I obeyed the Lord's command to the best of my ability and He loves me no matter what.


Your turn share, share, share!

Isaiah 46: 9-11

So Wednesday night is our night to get together with some friends from church to pray and spent time in fellowship and tonight this passage was shared and it really spoke to me.

Remember the former things, those of long ago; I am God, and there is no other;
I am God, and there is none like me. I make known the end from the beginning,
from ancient times, what is still to come. I say: My purpose will stand, and I will do all that I please. From the east I summon a bird of prey; from a far-off land, a man to fulfill my purpose. What I have said, that will I bring about; what I have planned, that will I do. Isaiah 46: 9-11

Thank you Lord for giving me your peace and strength. As the days near and everything is so uncertain give me ears to hear and eyes to see exactly what it is your calling me to do. A friend today told me that she admired my strength. My strength??? I don't think my human strength could of brought me to this point. May you get all the glory and may the completion of this adoption by all for your glory for without you it can not be completed. I love you Lord.

Love those girls

We're starting something new in the Verduin home. We've decided that with every ones different schedule and me working nights and not days that Friday night was going to be family night. Playing games, watching movies, skating, swimming, bowling or whatever sounds fun. This Friday we went skating. Tristan had a sleep over at church so it was just Austin and the girls. I love these girls they are a family from church that we spent alot of time with. This is the 2nd time we had them skating and it's fun to see how much better they get every time, well the 2 older ones anyway. Jamie didn't skate but he had his hands full with the 2 little ones.

The girls didn't last as long as Austin so we stopped early and went to Mc D's until Austin was ready to go. We had a great night!

"One hundred years from now, it will not matter what my bank account was, how big my house was, or what kind of car I drove. But the world may be a little better, because I was important in the life of a child."–Forest E. Witcraft

Yes Lord Yes Lord Yes Yes Lord

Yes we heard from our agency Thursday with an update, nothing specific but at least it's something but before I share that I have to share what God is doing right now as we wait. Last August when we got our referral we started applying for grants, 13 of them, heard back from almost all of them but with news that because of the economy there where no funds, we were approved for one. Well after that many months we figured we wouldn't hear from the rest and started planning for ways to fund the rest, God is moving and this morning we got a call from one of those we hadn't heard from and we where just up for another review and we were approved. Yipppeee thank you Lord. Now I know that is a God thing!!! We are humbly grateful for this especially since the judge in our region has decided to change a few things which will require more funds.

Now onto what our agency said...They received word from the staff in Russia that we would probably have travel dates mid April, that's only 4 weeks away however due to the Russian holiday that takes place the 1st week and half in May we may have to wait to travel til after those. Please pray that we go before May 1st so we are home prior to the holiday. Anything is possible with God.


As the time gets closer I see can clearly see God moving. He has protected little Miss A this whole time which to me is a miracle! We started at 29 weeks and today we are down to



The rest of the family is wonderful. Jamie is back working full weeks after a long winter. He just said this morning that he is ready to mow and sit on the deck. We love summer. We had conferences for the boys last week. Austin is pulling all A's and B's and Tristan could be, he is very smart however 7th grade has him thinking that as long as he gets a C it's OK. We informed him that was OK if losing some of his privileges was also OK. Amazing enough homework has been coming home more this week and he even studied for a Science test! As for me, well for anyone that truly knows me I'm still changing things around, I do that often. It's like I told Jamie I'm glad I'm not a tree I can easily move so I closed the club March 1st as you already know and started working for my land lord. They are great people but I'm not so hip on all the stress and drama that comes with a time clock so I have decided to quiet there which was probably going to happen after Miss A came home anyway, God is just alittle more organized than I am. We have been praying about a way that I can still supplement my Herbalife but not have to pay daycare, I do not want her in daycare...PERIOD! So God did it, I got a part time job at night that pays a tad more than the job I was doing and it's from 2:00am - 5:00am, yep it's an adjustment but that means no daycare and full days at home with Miss A, that to me is worth alittle less sleep!

God has been so good to us and it's amazing what happens when you pray about things and than just turn them over to Him. I used to try to plan and figure everything out 1/2 the time stressing myself out. If I only would of know how easy it was to pray and let God handle it. Life is good.

We are so looking forward to summer days in the sun, at the pool and playing on the new play set!

This Tuesday is our last MS MAPP class which means after our 3rd and last home visit in April we will have our foster and adoption licences in the state of Iowa. Our home will not be on the call list until we are home and settled with Miss A but it will be nice to have that completed when we are ready to open up our home.

Thank you Lord for the wonderful life you have allowed me to live!

Love Jill

God's Heart: Adoption

Too cute

A dear blogger friend shared these and I couldnt resist. I think they will look great in her room next to her nesting dolls we got from Russia.

Give me an.....

That's right can you believe we are down to 8 weeks. I'm so excited it's like a giddy feeling. All the new paperwork is there and we're still hoping to make 1st trip before we need to amend our home study. God willing we have travel dates mid April!!

Besides that there isn't much exciting happening around here just terribly busy. We finished our 8th week of PS MAPP classes tonight so that means 1 left and than a pot luck for the 10th one. Its been a great class but I'll be happy when my Tues night is free again. We have another home visit this coming Monday.

My nutrition club is completely closed and funny thing is with it being closed most of last month and doing everything from home around my schedule my sales are up, kinda funny. I'm working about 6 hours a day at my job and loving it. I picked up a few houses I'm going to be cleaning to help our travel fund.

Jamie is back to work full time. Yipppee, not that I didn't like him home getting things done but it's hard on the pocket book. Boys are great, we have parent teacher conferences tomorrow.

I am expecting an update from our agency sometime this week!!

3 of my friends were in Russia this week and picked up their children. Praise the Lord!!

It was than that I carried you...

Most of you don't know but about a month ago I started looking ahead to this day and for a moment it overwhelmed me or maybe a better word would be scared me but than I prayed as I knew I had to trust that the Lord would give me everything I needed to get through this day. Today was our sweet little girls 1st birthday. This morning was kinda hard so I spent some time before work in prayer and God provided. I was so busy at work I didn't get out of there until 3pm, just in time to pick up the boys from school get Herbalife delivered to my clients to make it home before 5, pack and head to my sisters. As I was talking to Jamie today about my busy day I realized it was God's way of carrying me through. So today I thank the Lord for allowing me to have the kind of peace that can only come from Him, for giving us such a precious little face that we long to hold and love forever and also to wish our beautiful angel a Happy Birthday! I love you more than you could ever imagine.

When I came home from work this is what I found on the counter...flowers to Amara from my mother. Brought tears to my eyes!!

Bittersweet

Tristan ended his 1st hockey season on Sat. I am so so proud of him, he started in Nov after never being on the ice, he struggled and his coaches said that he wouldn't play in games this year because of his abilities. He didn't accept that, he started watching you tube videos on how to stop, how to skate backwards and techniques,and went to every open skate he could. He sat the bench his 1st game and that was also the last one. He gave it all he had and played in every game there after. I have enjoyed the season and will like my free time back yet hate to see it end. He will move up next year to the Bantams so we have decided to put him in a week long camp this summer to sharping up his skills. I'm such a proud mom and even though he wasn't the best player I'm super proud of him for never giving up even when the odds we against him.

This week we complete week 7 of 10 in our MS MAPP class, as long as weather doesn't delay any classes we should have our licenses mid March, take a little break and hopefully head to Russia mid April. I will be calling our agency this week to see what they're thinking for travel dates :)

We have friends in Florida waiting for their little boy to come across from Haiti and are running into some unexpected snags. Please pray for these families and also the children. They have already been through so much!

Our day countdown on the fridge says...

How is the J-O-B?

Hard to believe I'm almost 4 days into my new job. I love the job and I love the hours but its been alittle hard to juggle everything. I found myself up early this morning placing my Herbalife order because I don't have time during the day like I used to. I'm suppose to work from 9 -1pm however I haven't been out of there at 1 yet :) its more like 2:30 and than its time to pick up the kids, do supper, homework, catch up on every ones day and than I'm tired. All in all I like the job so far just anxious to see how God's going to handle the...I want to be a stay at home home prayer. My bosses know this is only temporary until Miss A comes home and at that time we'll sit down and talk to see if it's going to work to continue.

We finished out 6th week of MS MAPP class and have 4 more weeks left. This is been the greatest class Ive taken, its packed full of information. I just told another adoptive mom that all people considering adoption just take this class, its a wealth of information.

Nothing has changed on the adoption front. We're waiting for apostles and than everything goes to Russia. We've almost got another week behind us. God is so good to us, when we feel or think we should be falling apart His peace and understanding has held us together. Its been a journey, a journey I wouldn't recommend traveling without a Savior!

Love Jill

I seriously can't believe this

Life is busy. God is so good to us and I'll be honest we can hardly believe that we are down to...

weeks. We are more than ready to go however the thought of 10 weeks gives us mixed feeling. Excited, scared, nervous, anxious. It has been 24 weeks since we saw this precious girls face and claimed her as ours, we feel we're coming into a time that we thought would never come but God gave us peace the whole way. We serve such an amazing God. This last week we have been in close contact with our agency on paperwork as they want everything in line when Russia calls for us to come. Oh dear that gives me a butterfly feeling in my stomach. I cant wait to pull the suitcases out, book tickets and take the 1st jet outta here. Please keep our family in your prayers as we round these last few curves and make our way (God willing) to Russia to see the little girl that stole out hearts 24 weeks ago.

For many weeks we have been praying that God make our faces known to Amara and we can't wait to see how God is working to calm the fears of meeting us. A friend suggest this to us and she just finished 1st trip...she said God answered her prayer.

Dawn and Rob had a successful court and are heading home to wait out the 10 days before Dawn flies back to bring her home forever. Praise the Lord!

Change is good

After long thoughts, conversations and prayer Jamie and I have decided to close our nutrition club and sell Herbalife from home like I did prior to coming here. The economy played a big part in our decision however the biggest one was the thought of sitting here when I have and know I could do this from home while my sweet daughter is at a daycare. That just didn't settle well with me and as our days get fewer and fewer it was time to make a change. The people I rent from have many business, gas stations, car washes, and car dealer. They do all they're booking keeping in the offices next to me, well when I told them I was going to close as of Mar 1st they offered me a part time position. My 1st thought was no, I'm going home. Than Jamie and I talked more and we talked more with them and decided that I would try this only until we get travel dates and at that time we would need to see if it works for them and works for me to continue. I hope I'm only an employee until April hehe. They also said maybe we could work something out where I could come in later, after Jamie is home but we'll see. They are great people, today they told me that I could keep my product in a back room and continue to weigh/measure my people. God is so good and He's put some real amazing people in our lives. So as of Mar 1st we will close the club and I will be employed by Mulder Oil working Mon - Fri from 9am - 1pm and I start this coming Monday. This will be different for me, I've never had a boss, always been self employed. Please pray that this is a smooth transition.

Adoption Update: Notarized/Appastilled docs for update on Dossier #1 and some for Dossier #2 are in the mail to our agency. Hang on Miss A, mom is so close to coming for you.

When I saw this I just had to smile, it's exactly how I feel some days. haha



Note to self: Change blog layout, it may be causing this long winter...

Yea! I got 3 things checked off

Yea I did it, I got 3 items checked off. Employment Letter on Jamie, Employment Letter for myself which had to come from our accountant since I'm self employed. Can you honestly believe it, I called him yesterday and he called they were done this morning, I never imagined it being that fast since he's right in the middle of tax time. Prayer works. That reminds me, there's a really neat website a friend shared with me. You can find it here, you put in a prayer request and people will actually pray for you and some email you to let you know they prayed and you can do the same. Its really neat. Ok back to what I was here for. I was also able to get a certified marriage licenses. That makes 3 check marks. I hope to have the others finished up by Friday. They have the home study and documents on the list but we are waiting on that. The HS needs to be updated May 13 and after talking to our agency today they said we should wait and maybe we'd be home from 1st trip by the 13th and than it would need to be amended before court anyway which would save us a few $$. We are doing some extra paper chasing now for our Dossier #2 that needs to be complete before court. Our agency is awesome, they have us do all this work ahead for time so theres no delay in court dates and we don't have to run around like crazy after we get home form trip 1.

I'm pleased with the day, now its time to follow up on a few of my weight loss clients and get ready for another PS MAPPS class.

Please contuine to pray for all the waiting families and all the children waiting, in orphanages and in foster care. I'm lifting Dawn and Rob up to the Lord, their court date is just around the corner and they get to see their daughter tomorrow!!

Tossed Around

I've been busy running around getting all our new documents for Russia while trying to get home study documents ready for the foster program. I feel Ive been keeping it all straight until today. I went to get our police clearances for the 3rd time and after waiting 20 mins she hands we 2 forms, 1 for Jamie and 1 for me. I requested 2 for each of us so she did another one however after I got them I noticed her notary expires May 23, 2010 which means that I will have to repay her 1 more visit because we can't have a document in our dossier for court with an expired notary. She was very crabby and I was edgy. It was my day off and everything I tried to do back fired. I wanted to mark 3 items off the list for Russia and only 1 got marked off which really needs to be back on because it'll have to be done again. grrr Well now that I was frustrated and a bit confused I called my agency to go over the "to do list" I had from them. I need to rewind alittle, the gal we always worked with got moved and because of the background of adoption the director decided that she wanted to be the one to finish it with us since she already knew everything that was going on. I'll be honest, shes awesome and she knows what shes going but shes the director and shes too busy to paperwork chase with us so today I was back talking to the travel department ( I like this dept anyway) and was informed that not all the documents on the 1st list are needed, those are only needed if it would be a normal annual update and our is different since we already know our region and our daughter. So I spent the night going over the list and retyping documents. Theres the irony, in a later email tonight she says oh by the way I wouldn't of had you get those police clearances yet anyway because you need new ones before court!

Tomorrow is a new day and I'm going to mark 3 items off the list. Tomorrow night is another meeting for our foster program and than back to work on Wed.

Praying for Dawn and Rob, they are in Russia right now for court.

God brings fulfillment in our wait

Think of all the time you are wasting being miserable in waiting. Why not determine to enjoy the wait and provide yourself a lot more joy in your life?

I share a lot on this blog but not everything and I never thought Id post today on waiting but after a conversation I had this morning with my dear friend I knew there were some things I could say. During our conversation she was asking me about Amara and time frames to which I told her what we are hoping for but know nothing more than that and she says, I'm proud of you Jill. This has been a long road and Ive really seen you change a lot in the last 6 months. You've gained a lot of patience and the way you've waited and obeyed when it was hard really shows glory to God. Wow I almost feel right off my chair. That is the best thing Ive had said to me in a long time and I'm glad God is getting all the glory. There are a lot of people who have waited or are waiting in this adoption world and some people struggle and some don't. Ive even had people say well its easy for you because..... haha waiting is waiting plain and simple. Its not easy and some days are just plain hard, like when your friends that all got referrals the same time you did or after are going for last trips to bring their children home. There's nothing easy about that however I know that my strength comes from God and without Him, Id be frustrated beyond words, venting about my wait every single day but I don't do that because I'm at peace and I know its not about me. The Lord gave us Amara just like He did Tristan and Austin, they're not ours to keep and at any moment He can take them away from us. We have to know that, trust Him and pray for strength and understanding. I love her and we've been ready to go since August but it's not our time and when it is we'll go so until then we will continue to pray and obey!

Lord Jesus, help us learn to enjoy the time we wait. Our life has not stopped just because we wait. You have fulfillment for us in this wait.

We are determined to experience the abundance you brought us and walk in your peace. We are determined to stop longing for what we’ve lost or what we have never had. Instead, we are going to make the most of this moment you have given us. We are going to live life more abundantly just like you promised we could.

We need you to do it for us. We are determined, but helpless. Lord, teach us to wait in your joy. Amen.

If you are reading this and you're truly struggle with a wait of any kind, spend some time in prayer and if you need someone to walk beside you let me know. I don't have answers but I do know the great peace that comes from knowing and trusting the Lord.

Oh what a feeling...

Monday night was our 1st of 3 home study visits for the fostering program. There weren't any unexpected surprises, it was just like our International one. The only difference was the feeling and thoughts I had going through this one. The 1st home study we did for Russia I was so nervous I don't think I could think but during this one I thought a lot about how easy and how us parents that can birth children if we choose to take for granted that privilege. There are all kinds of us, married, unmarried, widowed, single, divorced that can have children if we choose to yet there's alot of families, single woman going through adoption because they can't but because they have such a deep desire to parent they jump through all the hoops, people coming into your home to see if it's "fit" for a child, digging up your past and dissecting it, checking your criminal background to even diving into the way you were parented as a child. As I sat at our kitchen table and answered question after question and explained everything she wanted explained all for her to find out if we "fit" the parenting mold they have in their minds my heart began to break for those who can't have children. Just think about it...if you have bio children. No one came into your home and looked into your past, you just decided with your partner that you wanted a child, you didn't have to pass the test so ta speck. I know many woman who would love to carry a child but can't and even though Ive said "I understand" when they speck about their loss, I don't. But Monday night it began to hit me and for all those woman and their families I'm praying. I wont say I understand again because I don't and can't but God does and I want him to break my heart for the things that break His. May God be with you all and deliver peace that surpasses all understanding.

We have been paper chasing for our foster licenses and our expired documents for Russia. I keep putting this off but its really time to start, I don't want to get the call to go and not have my homework done!

Time flies when you're having so much fun. Our countdown in days is down to...



Big wooohooo to Dawn and Rob, they received their court date and will be in Russia shortly before their daughters 1st birthday!! God is so amazing.

"Baby"

We went to see her yesterday and took her home. Tristan and I feel in love with her, she's such a great bird. Jamie was shocked by her size and wanted her in the cage but by the end of the night as you can see they had bonded well. She actually likes him alot. The gal that gave us the bird gave us everything we needed, including food, the cage we had but we could use a play stand as she's out of the cage ALOT when we're home.

She was in a home with kids which I'm thankful for. Besides that there's nothing to report. Hockey again this weekend and taxes tomorrow grrrr.

Home Study #2

We finished another MS MAPPS class tonight for our foster program and we start our home study visits next Monday. It seems odd to us that Iowa cant use our current HS but I guess everyone has their own set of rules. There are so many good things coming from these meetings, if you're adopting and not even considering fostering I'd encourage you to take the classes. There are so many like situations and they go through alot of tips to dealing with children that come with a broken past. Its been so good.

Jamie and I have a little bet going on when we think we'll get 1st trip call. He's saying April 15 and I'm saying April 21st. Can't wait to see who's closest!

Please pray for Amara and her caretakers as we make this last stretch to bring her home. I can't wait to share her story with her when she's old enough to understand. Its been a long journey but I'm so thankful for what I've learned.

13 weeks

Are we that busy or is timing flying by? Wait....that's God's peace. Ahhhh I love that feelings, it's just unexplainable. All I can say is it's a I got your back -God feeling. We have things planed all the way into March so before we know it the call will come for us to go meet our precious little girl who God is talking care of and became the love of our lives.

It feels like a Sat in the Verduin home because we're having ANOTHER snow day and the way the wind is blowing I cant imagine they'll have school tomorrow either. I just hope the weather straightens out by Wed so we can go see Baby.

We are now down to week number...



It's officially paperwork time. R emailed me a list of all the documents that expire soon so I guess that means its time to get to work. Let the paperwork chance begin!!

I can't wait until you peeps get to see Amara's face. She is so stinkin cute hehe :)

Oh summer, I miss you!

Due to the rain which was predicted to turn to ice Tristan's hockey game was canceled today which means the Verduin family spend another wintry weekend day at home. I'm hoping this game will be rescheduled just not at the end of the season which would be the last weekend in Feb because my sisters children are having their birthday party than.

So what did we do on yet another day locked up, well Jamie spent time in the garage with my uncle Steve cutting up deer and chatting, the boys played games and computer, while I cleaned, did laundry and finished up all our documents for the foster meeting on Tues.

Tomorrow is going to be a big day, we're going to try to hit early service as I have been mentoring a lady and her children and tomorrow we're talking all 4 of the girls swimming! Its amazing how fast our Denali fills up when you add 4 more girls! Tomorrow night we have Kids Klub at church and than home to rest a few hours before back at it on Monday.

Some of you know it but I didnt mention it publicly because it sucked and it hurt to talk about it but we lost our parrot 2 weeks ago very unexpectly. She was fine when we put her light off for bed and the next day she was gone. Tristan and I had a very hard time with it and we weren't even sure we wanted another one. She had a huge cage, I mean huge, like 4 foot wide by 6 foot high and my wonderful hubby cut out the wall in the basement so her cage would slide in there and not be in the middle of the room. We have a large house but the cage was always in the way. We'll after looking into other types of birds and talking to our vet we've decided to get another one so he and I will be going Wed to meet her. We are proud to introduce to you the newest memeber of our family....Baby.



Praise the Lord, Donna and Jason got their court date and will be in Russia Feb 18th to get their daughter!! God is so good!

Financial Obstacle

Can you imagine the panic I feel when my cell rings and its our agency...They told me I wouldn't hear from them unless it was bad news. So after holding my breath for what seemed to be minutes and deciding if I was even going to answer I did to get a voice on the other end saying...Jill its T and everything is OK with Anna, I just have some information. Whew...breath.

Our region has changed, we are now like most other regions where there's a 10 day wait after court. Up until Monday in our region we only made 2 trips, the visit one to visit the orphanage, ask questions, and legally sign to adopt her and the 2nd trip to do court and go home. Since the 10 days is no longer being waved it might be 3 trips which of course means more $$ for airfare and more time off work. We won't be deciding any of this until our 1st trip. There are a few options, we could both make all 3 trips, we could both make the 1st 2, come home and only I return to bring her home or we both go for the 1st 2 and I stay in region to wait out the 10 days. I have mixed feelings about both ways. I'm not worried about being in Russia alone however Jamie feels differently. Id miss the boys a ton yet if I was able to visit her daily during the 10 days it would be good bonding. We're going to pray about that to see how God leads us.

There was no other news on Amara(Anna). Feb is just around the corner and its time to start thinking about updating some documents.

Update on the foster program. We are 3 weeks into it and have 7 3 hour meetings left. Its been very informative and we're learning alot. There are 3 other couples in our group that live within 15 miles of us so we are car polling. We start our home study for this in a few weeks and should have our licenses by mid March. I'm still thinking that we wouldn't place any children in our home until Amara is here but God likes to mess with my plan so we'll see.

Its hockey again this weekend, Tristan has a Sat game and we open skate on Sunday. Hockey is a long season and takes alot of time but I'm loving being a hockey mom. This weekend I'm in the penalty box!!

We need to praise the Lord for the families that are finally getting court dates to bring their children home and also pray for the families of Haiti.

I've waited for this day

A phone call and an invite from Russia would be so much better but I remember the day we wrote all the numbers on notecards to hang on the fridge, taking one down every day. When we started that we were at 192 and I couldn't wait for 100. 100 days still is alot but we're knocking them down and in 4 days we will be 1/2 way into the 6 months.

So it's finally here. Our days to wait are down to...



or maybe the days converted to weeks sounds better, which would be...



I dont care how you view it we're getting closer and I'm super excited about it!!

I have many friends that are waiting for calls on court dates to bring their children home, please pray for them. Waiting is so hard but God will fulfill his promise to each and every on of us we just need to remember that it's on his time!

Love you all
Jill

Tristan's 1st Hockey Game Jan.16,10

Make photo slide shows at www.OneTrueMedia.com

Foster Family

Yes our family has decided to go through the foster program. We are actually getting dual licenses, foster and adoption. We went to the orientation in Nov and after praying about it we decided to move forward. We started our PS MAPPS classes and have 9 weeks left, these classes will end mid March. We will not place a child or children in our home until Amara gets home but we figured this was the prefect time to do it...while we wait!

It simply blows my mind that there are so many children that need stable homes and theres so few that step up to the plate. Are the 3 hour classes that we have to attend once a week for 10 weeks a pain or an inconvenience? Yes. Do we feel like going through a whole new home study because Iowa won't accept our International one and than updating our International one mid Feb? No. Are the children all our ideal children? No. Will most of them need counseling or other professional help? Yes. Will it be easy all the time? No. Are we scared? Heck no, God's leading us. Are we sad for all the kids in foster homes or orphanages? Yes very much and that's why we're doing this. God has promised that he will not harm us so we are trusting him.

Please pray for our family as we head into yet another uncertain journey. We have no idea what the future holds but one thing we know for sure...we're super excited about it. 2010 is going to be AMAZING.

Maybe fostering isn't for you or your family, maybe adoption isn't for you or your family either but take some time and pray. There are many ways you can help besides opening your home. Ask God to lead you. For us, he's asked us to open our home and leave the door open until He closes it.

I better go spend some time with my hubby, he leaves at noon tomorrow to go hunting with my brother and my uncle. Pssst remember some time back I posted about the broken relationship between me and my brother? God is so good and he's knocking down the walls between us...my hubby and my brother are going hunting. Yippee!!!!

For me and the boys...its HOCKEY time. Tristan has 3 games this weekend and the coach has decided to play him. He didn't think he'd play until next year since we just started, the season is already 1/2 over and he never played before but we've been going to every open skate we can and coach says he's come a long ways and is ready to put him on the ice. Game Time. hehe I love being a mom!

Hope all of you are doing wonderful.

Love Jill