God's Masterpiece

We're Matched with a Birth Mother! Yay God

2011-06-17T22:34:00.001-05:00

So our journey begins... I will admit that getting to this point has been very emotional and everything but boring. After we terminated with our International agency we decided to change everything over to domestic. We had to change our home study and go through all the necessary paper work and contract signing with our new agency before we could be approved. We were officially approved to adopt domestically on April 11, 2011 and we received and accepted our birth mother match TODAY! The birth mother has decided on a closed adoption so we will never talk directly to her and the way she wants it right now we wont even met her in the hospital. She is due Sept 13th and the biggest shocker to many that know me is we decided not to adopt a girl only so the gender will remain unknown until birth. We are beyond thrilled. God is good...all the time!!

Please follow our journey but more importantly keep our family and our birth mother in your prayers.

Bittersweet

2011-05-27T22:47:00.003-05:00

Today we had court, I really dislike these days, this was the 4th court hearing I've been to with our current kiddos and each one is equally draining. Let me 1st say that I wholeheartedly believe that the best place for kids to be is with their bio parents IF it's a safe place. Visits will be increased in time and be unsupervised. Scary? Yes, however if reunification is going to happen I NEED to know that the kids will be safe, loved, feed and not neglected. I can't say that right now when everything is supervised so as scary as it is it will be good. If the kids go home I need to know in my heart and mind that they will be OK and I guess the only way that will happen is by proof. After court I decided I really had 2 choices. I could fight this and send the kids home wondering if they're OK or I could help the parents parent and know they'll be OK. 2nd option seems easier! I've also come to the conclusion that no matter what these 2 are God's children and He loves them more than any of us ever could. He knows what they need and He knows whats best. Period. So I will continue to show them what a family feels and looks like and leave the rest up to the Lord.

Prasie the Lord, 1 less Orphan!!

2011-05-24T11:57:00.002-05:00

This family has been through more than enough, they have truely inspired me as I've followed their journey with a love and trust in the Lord and His plan that never wavered and today God showed up in Russia, in the Supreme Court and defeated satan! GREGORY KIRILL DAVIS is coming home to a family....a mom and dad! Praise the Lord

If only for a little while

2011-05-24T09:25:00.009-05:00

One never knows the plans God has for us. After these 2 kiddos came into our home, our lives to me seemed flipped upside down, it was not an easy transition but God brought us through and as I reflect back God knew exactly what He was doing. These 2 have repeatedly taught me what life is all about and how stopping to smell the flowers is so important, no matter how "busy" we make our lives.

What do you think? If a man has a hundred sheep and one of them has gone astray, does he not leave the ninety-nine on the mountains and go in search of the one that went astray? And if he finds it, truly, I say to you, he rejoices over it more than over the ninety-nine that never went astray. So it is not the will of my Father who is in heaven that one of these little ones should perish.
(Matthew 18:12-14 ESV)

In a Nutshell

2011-05-21T14:35:00.005-05:00

Welcome Back!

I have decided that my personal satisfaction to even the score with the agency we were with during our International journey to find our daughter is not worth what it could cost so many other families and even worse the children that still wait for them. We believe we were lied to, mislead, and may have even been involved in some unethical practices as far as we were told by a legal representative yet we trust that this is still ALL part of the Lord's plan so we are closing the chapter on Russia and the agency and moving forward. Some days its hard and my human side would love to go to every adoption board on the net and trash their name but again would it be worth the small amount of satisfaction I would get? I don't believe so. There are tons of details I could share and tons of unanswered questions but we are choosing to let it go and continue to believe God has something bigger and better in store for our family.

The question to me used to always be "have you heard anything? when will you travel?" now the question is "what's next?" You have no idea how I'd love to know that answer myself but I don't. All I do know is that I'm going to continue to follow the Lord and as I follow I will allow Him to use me and my life in any way He feels.

We still have Gavin and Jazmine in our home, we moved all our adoption paperwork to a different agency and plan to pursue a domestic adoption of an infant girl. See how I said "plan" that's because of all I've learnt in the past 3 years its that my plan doesn't really matter and I'm becoming more and more OK with that.

Closing Blog

2011-02-15T20:39:00.002-06:00

I hate to leave you all hanging like this and I promise I will be back soon but for right now I need to shut down the blog to all readers. I will leave it open until Thursday to give all my readers a chance to know what's going on before it's locked down. The Lord has put an amazing twist on our jounrey and for the time being I need to go completely private. This is a twist that could of only been orchestred by the hand of Our Mightly Lord!!

No Way!!

2011-02-01T22:47:00.002-06:00

4:50pm and a phone call comes across my cell pone with a 440 are code...Yes! its our agency.....and it's the director. She tells me something I never thought I'd hear. Our referral is clear and ready for adoption however.....She has a SIBLING!!! No way. I have very little info. We don't know if its a girl, a boy, older, or younger. She seemed positive that they would know more by morning but they wanted to 1st find out of 2 was even an option.....We're speechless!!

My Secret Birdie

2011-01-28T21:58:00.002-06:00

I have a hidden secret little birdie who has been feeding me information and I didn't think I'd openly share her here especially the way our adoption has been going but I have to after today.

When we were told the 1st part of Dec that we would travel Dec 15th and than Dec 28th and than Jan 15th a friend of mine asked me if I really believed all our agency was saying. No I don't yet I do believe that God ultimately is in control however after her and I talked I began to question more so I googled agency that work in Smolensk. Yup you guessed it I found one and have been in close contact with them. They were the ones that 1st told me about the "meeting" on the 27th, NOT our agency, of course when I told them what I found out the suddenly remembered something about it being mentioned but claim they didn't know a date. Whatever....if your Russian reps were going which they did they knew when it was taking place. Well after the call yesterday about nothing being decided and having to wait until next week to find more out I couldn't get settled on that answer so today I called my special informative friend and here is what she told me about the meeting. The adoption center in Smolensk has confirmed that each agency currently working in Smolensk with only be allowed 2 international adoptions per year. They told all the agencies that had reps at the meeting that the adoption center would be open the next 3 weeks on Monday, Wednesday and Friday and each agency needed to come in to further discuss the 2 adoption and when referrals would be given. She said that their reps were going back right away next week because they also have 2 families waiting with files already there. She assumed that our agency was doing the same thing and that is way they said they wouldn't know anything until next week. So they didn't lie but they sure could of eased my mind by telling me alittle more. She said that if her reps had this info so did ours. I asked her if she felt confident that her 2 families would get referrals and she said Yes I am and as long as your agency follows up next week I'm confident you will too. This would of been great info coming from our agency however I guess I can be thankful that she takes the time to share with me. It's odd...I have never given this gal a dime, and she owes me nothing but the agency I gave my money too can't ever tell me anything. I'm learning...learning a lot but it's all worth it!

Frustrated and Rejoicing

2011-01-27T20:06:00.003-06:00

Can anyone relate to being frustrated and also rejoice about the same thing. I'm there and if I'm alone I'm OK with it. After everything that has happened I may be some what crazy!

So most of you are thinking wow frustrated and rejoicing now that's an odd combo and it is. I'm not even sure I have the right but at least it's honest. The update I got from our agency about this wonderful informative meeting that was held in Smolensk is rather bizarre and frustrating... they called to tell me that nothing was officially decided during the meeting and they would know more next week....AND? and that's all. I asked her if they thought things would move next weeks and her answer was, Jill were not assuming anything. Ok than! This makes no sense to me after the call last week about the email from the coordinator in Smolensk that said she was getting our "official" referral ready. How can things go from that to we don;t know anything? For the 1st hour (or more) I was upset and than I small part of me started to rejoice after thinking it all through. I have stated in previous post that Gavin needed to have surgery and that last Thur the judge made it a court order...surgery will be Feb 9th. Well IF we would of got the referral today, accepted, we more than likely would of traveled on Feb 4th. I don't think that would of looked good...foster mom court orders surgery for Feb 9th and leaves for Russia on the 4th. Yes I want to go NOW, but I still have to believe that God knows best and He sees the whole plan, while all I see is a trip to Russia. As much as I feel I have the right to be frustrated I've decided to trust alil more and give it back to the Lord.

Praying for understanding and wisdom!!

Love Jill

Jan 20th Court

2011-01-26T21:36:00.002-06:00

I simply can not believe how fast time flies. Tomorrow marks a week since we had court for Gavin and Jazmine. Everything went smooth and almost everything was settled without anyone taking the stand, including me! We now have set visits instead of them changing from week to week or even day to day which is great for us. Gavin's surgery is now court ordered and will take place on Feb 9th. The morning before court I called the Dr and asked him to write a letter to the judge stating what he found and why he felt the surgery was necessary and he did it. One perk about knowing the Dr and living in a small town. The kiddos will remain in our home and our next court hearing with me March 29th at 2pm.

We received word from our agency last Friday that their Russian staff was working on our official referral and we should hear something by the end of the month. I found out through another agency that Smolensk isn't "closed" they just aren't giving out referrals until after the meeting that is suppose to be held tomorrow. They had some people change positions right before Christmas and before they start to process International adoptions again they want to hold a meeting with the Adoption Center and all the agencies that work in the region. After 2 lost referrals a meeting to get their ducks in a row sounds like a good plan to me. So we wait and hope to hear soon.

God is working. When we leave we can't just leave Gavin and Jazmine with any family, they need to be a licensed foster home. We have friends that only foster and don't have an adoption licenses. We wanted the kids there but they are only licenced for 2 kids and they had a placement so I was worried where they'd be placed. She called this past Sat and their little guy found his forever family so they have room for 2 and are going to take them while we travel. It gets better, they only live 1 mile from the daycare that they currently go to so that part of their life will stay normal. We plan to have their family over here a few times and also visit at their home so they aren't scared to stay there when the time comes.

Now just let us see updated pics and a medical so we can catch the 1st flight outta here!!

I Am...

2011-01-14T20:56:00.004-06:00

Waiting, waiting, waiting. I have a lot to learn and no matter how hard I try to wait patiently I fail.

Feeling blessed that God has allowed me to (at this time) mother 4 kids.

Thankful that He gives and takes away. If we would of traveled for our 1st referral I would of missed out on a lot. A lot of learning, a lot of growing and a lot of really neat friends.

Trusting, another area I'm failing in. In my own human nature I so often (more than I like to admit) try to take things into my own hands.

Looking forward to all 2011 has in store for our family.

Planning for court of G & J on the 20th. I found out today they want me on the stand.

Frustrated that some people can be so disrespectful.

Refocusing, as life twist and turns I feel that in the last 2 months I've become more bitter and more unwilling to listen and follow the Lord. I'm praying about this.

Wondering how G's Dr. appt will go on the 17th and surgery on the 26th to remove his tonsils and put tubes in his ears.

Heartbroken that there are so many lil ones in orphanages and foster homes that need families and it's so hard to get them home. I've meet 2 families over the last few weeks that just quit either because emotional or financially they couldn't go on or the wait got to them...that's sad.

Praying that more Christians listen to the call and open their homes and their hearts to the orphans.

Wondering when our agency will call, if we'll get travel dates before the end of the month, IF this lil one is actually the one, if we'll get new pictures and more of her medical before we travel. How black hair will fit into our family :)

Super excited to meet Miss A. I can only imagine the feeling...I'm gonna cry!

Thinking about spring and family time at the lakes.

Is our home too small?

2011-01-10T20:59:00.002-06:00

We had an interesting call Thursday late morning. Iowa Kidsnet...they had a 2 month old boy that needed a home. I never imagined we'd get this type of call when we're so close to travel dates. Part of me was saying yes and part of me was saying no. Jamie was shocked, he wasn't sure what to think. It was an emergency placement and we needed to let them know within an hour. The 1st call I made was to the babysitter, could she take another child of ours. She already is planning on Miss A so this would be 4 kids from 1 family. (I love the way that sounds) She said she really was full but would help anyway she could. I was ready to dive right into this with all my trust resting in the palm of the Lord's hand and than the questions started. I kept a strong hold on what I know and believe which is that God has a plan and His command to us to care for the orphans and widows but His is asking me to care for them all? Is He asking me to take this boy into our home and let Miss A go? I told Jamie that on most days I feel like I'm playing catch with the Lord and lately the pitches are coming fast and strong. I began wrestling over these questions with the Lord and than this hit me. I wanted to get into fostering and adoption for the kids, however if I start taking babies out of selfish reasons am I still in this for the same reason? I don't think so. It was a tough choice but I called them back and told them to find another home. I've thought about him many times over the last few days and what it would be like with him here but I'm content with our decision. I know God has me on a crazy journey and some days I think He's doing things to see if I'm strong enough to continue to follow. I'd love to have a baby in the house but I don't think God was asking us to take Him in. I don't believe that I could mother the 4 we have in our home now, a 2 month old plus Miss A soon and do them or myself any good.

Tonight I am thankful for the wonderful life the Lord is allowing me to live and to the many families that open their homes, their lives and their hearts to these innocent little children. The Lord is good!!!

Bouncing back

2011-01-05T12:56:00.002-06:00

In the mist of what seems to be a total nightmare to me I can't help but notice that God is good. Last night as I prayed I know that He was there and I know that His arm is not to short to reach from heaven, to me to Russia and I know that when it's time He will. Even on days like yesterday when I cry out to Him and wonder if He's really there I know He is and just because He hasn't said "Jill it's time to meet the daughter I picked for you" I know He's listening and I know He knows my heart. Just as promised in Isaiah 59:1 ( Surely the arm of the LORD is not too short to save, nor his ear too dull to hear)

This morning felt like most mornings as I drug mysef out of bed at 6:15am happy that all kiddos were still asleep so I can get my coffee before I become an in-demand mom. After I poured my coffee on most mornings I say good morning to Jamie who is usually already up and then head upstairs to start the day but this morning something was telling me to flip the page in my devotional calendar. I almost ignored it and proceeded upstairs but I stopped and went back to find these words. Where God guides, He provides. That changed my attitude, how can I even begin to think that God isn't listening. He is and I need to find the wisdom and understanding to realize that He sees the big picture and He knows whats best for me, for our family, for Miss A and for Gavin and Jazmine. He loves me and He didn't bring me all this way to clip both of my wings and leave me here.

I told my dear friend about this song awhile back when it first came out and how it spoke to me, today she emailed the link back to me. Thats God my friends. He knows my pain.

No sugar coating here

2011-01-04T21:00:00.002-06:00

I would love to be here tonight to tell you that I'm happy about where I am and that our what our agency told us about travel dates is something that is actually going to happen but I can't. I wish I could tell you that I'm simply struggling and that tomorrow will be better but I can't. I am frustrated and angry or maybe I'm just plain mad at God, at myself, at our agency, at Russia. The news we got today was not at all what we were told or what I had hoped for. Travel dates are still unknown and to me, seem way off in the distance. Our dates were 1st moved from Dec 20th to 1st week of Jan. and as I spoke with our agency today they have now informed me that I should call back on the 15th as they don't see anything moving until after the Russian holiday which is the end of the month. Are you serious?, why is this taking so long? I can truely say I want this to end, it is killing me and I don't understand it. I know I'm not owed anything but come on, I'm following so when is the joy coming? I was so upset this afternoon I decided to go for a drive and as I was going back and forth with the Lord I told Him straight up that I didn't know if this was worth it, I'm sick of the tears, Im sick of the pain and than it dawned on me what I was saying. I'm sick of the pain...its not worth it. What if that was how Jesus felt as He carried that cross to die for me? I've been trying to reason with myself that God has a better plan but I just can't wrap my head around it. We need to travel and it needs to be now. The end of the month dont work. We have court for Gavin and Jazmine on the 20th...I need to be there. Gavin has surgery on the 26th to get his tonsils out and tubes in his ears...I need to be there. I hate this, all I want is a daughter from a little orphanage in Russia why do I have to go through so much to follow God's commands when it's so easy for others. It's been 2 years of waiting and as hard as I try to trust and wait well, Im getting tired. After my drive I came home, warmed up my coffee and noticed I hadn't turned the page on my devotional calendar. This is what it said. Be encouraged that in God's time you will see the dreams and visions fulfilled that God has given you. Don't ever give up! I set my cup down and cried out to the Lord...Dear Lord, what does all this mean?

I need your prayers, I don't want to feel like I feel, I don't want to be anxious, I dont want to doubt, I dont want to be angry. I just want the Lord's peace!

Dear Miss A,

I promise I will never give up. Please know that I am coming and I will contuinu to jump through every silly loop that Russia asks me to until your home. Baby girl your mom is no super hero and my crazy human emtions tend to get tangled up once in a while but I will get up, dust myself off and be there very soon. Just hang on, I'm coming to get you!!

Love Mom

Setting myself up

2011-01-03T21:25:00.002-06:00

Tell me I'm not the only one that sets themselves up and than feels down when nothing happens. I know I'm suppose to be trusting and most days I feel I am, or am I?? For no reason at all I thought that maybe we would hear something today. I mean it's after the New Year, I know another couple got dates to be in Russia for 1st trip Jan 10th and even though it's a different region dates are stilling coming out even though it's a Russian holiday, and if our agency says travel before the 15th don't you think it's time we get travel dates? I hate the feeling I have when I change seats with the Lord, it's a frustrated, Im mad at the whole world feeling and I dont like it yet I contuine to allow satan to work in my mind which is exactly the reason I kick the Lord out of the drivers seat in the 1st place. Well while I was driving today I called our agency in the hopes that the owner was in to vent my pity story to her about why we havent been called. It was probably a good thing she wasnt in and neither was our consultant. I am going to pray that the Lord gives me more peace, more strength, more patience as I countuine traveling done this road looking for the light, the light at the end of the tunnel! Please pray for me and for Miss A that she contuines to have good health and more importantly that she feels a hope and love that can only come from the Lord.

Small Things

2011-01-02T09:01:00.003-06:00

My camera and flip cam have been out a whole lot more since the little ones came into our lives. I watch them and am in complete awe of all God has given me and all He has taken away. Somedays, OK most days it makes no sense at all but I'm just happy to be enjoying the moments He gives me.

The gift of being santa

2010-12-29T11:39:00.000-06:00

With a 14 and 13 year old it's been awhile since we've played santa but we had tons of fun. The difference was we had 4 santas instead of 2. The excitment in the house when everyone first wakes up Christmas morning is beyond words, they can never find the gifts fast enough. They 1st looked on the deck, than in the front yard and as they turned to look out the other window Jazmine saw the wagon. I missed these days more than I knew. We had a wonderful Christmas. Thank you Lord for sending us the gift of your son and for blessing our family this very special Christmas.

Seriously, he was SUPPOSE to be helping Jamie..

"Santa" loading up the wagon.

These have always been my favorite. The Oh My! look

Our "santas" dont seem to enjoy the camera. haha

2010.... A year of trusting and change

2010-12-23T00:13:00.001-06:00

So what can I say, I stink at coming back soon when it's a place I'd most days like to forget I even need to visit however so much as happened and I believe as I begin to see God's plan come alive it's time to share.

Last post, June 2010. To make this super long update as short as possible yet informative I will list important dates and feelings.

June - Lost referral...

June to July - told that Russian adoptions really slow down during this time and should hear something August. Still wrestling with God and the incidences of life.

August - Agency told us that Smolensk continues to be closed. We were informed that St Petersburg would accept our file which means every stinking piece of paperwork needed to be redo since our completed file was left in Smolensk. Seriously? If the region was closing why would they leave a file that took us almost 2 months to complete? I didn't move as fast as I did the 1st time so by month end I completed the file. File was translated and in St Pete 1st part of Sept.

Sept. - Agency called about a referral in St Pete that was born at 26 weeks but doing well. They said we had 48 hrs to decide if we wanted the official referral. I went straight to the internet and started my research which in all honestly scared me but then there really isn't too much about this journey that doesn't scare me so I prayed. I didn't feel a tug either was so I called the agency and told them that we were willing to have her evaluated by our International Dr. We figured we'd hear in a day or two but nothing. 1 week passed, than 2 and every time I called they said it could take some time to get the referral and they'd call as soon as they had it. A little over 3 weeks and the phone rings...it’s the referral dept. and I'm thinking yes! Finally we get to see this little girl but I'm once again wrong. I hear the voice say, "Well we have a referral for you" I say in response "yes I know we've been waiting". So how does she look for being born at 26 weeks?" "Oh we didn't get that referral, however we've asked Smolensk if they would make an exception for you since you were registered there so long" silence..."And" "Well they said they would, she's turning 1 in Dec." silence...she than says " Jill you don't seem excited" all I could say was "I'm shocked I thought the door to Smolensk was closed and what about..." I had 100 questions/thoughts going through my mind and I knew she was talking but all I heard was mumbles so she asks again “Jill, do you want to see her?" "Sure". I didn't run to my email like most people do or like I did the 1st time. I cried. Smolensk? Am I ready for this? This call came at 9ish am and at 4pm I finally called a friend and told her the days events to which she asked so, is she cute, are you going to accept her? I don't know I haven't even opened the email. I was scared to look at a face that wouldn't look like the little girl I thought was going to be my daughter so she said she would look and give me her opinion. That sounded good to me! I forwarded the email to her and within minutes she calls back. I didn't even say hello, I just said "so what do you think"? Here is her response almost word for word..."Jill, I think she’s cute and I think her medical looks good but before you open the email you need to know something. Her name is Anna!! What, no way. Not only are we back in Smolensk but we got another referral with the same name as the little girl we looked at for almost 11 months thinking all that time she'd someday be our daughter. FROZEN I opened the email. The 1st thought was NO! I don't even think she's cute. I waited till Jamie got home to share the news. He was emotionless and didn't have an opinion on how he felt or what we should do but we both agreed we were not going to tell the boys. 2 days passed and neither of us even mentioned her, day 3 our agency called and asked what we wanted to do. At this time I agreed to have our IA Dr evaluate the referral. After a few questions for the orphanage he told us to go see her so I called our agency and told them. They informed me that we needed to get our acceptance letter in asap as travel would be soon since the region was technically closed. 5 days after we faxed the acceptance in, the phone call comes. Only it’s not the travel dept. like I was told would be calling, it was the director. All I heard was Jill....and my response filled with tears was NO, not again!!! Please not again. I'm sorry Jill....she's gone.

My wrestling with the Lord turns into a fight. How could all this be happening and why?

October - Jamie says he's done! I agree that I was too but deep down I knew I wasn't. Was I scared to go on? Yes. Was I scared to get and lose yet another referral? You bet I was but I was also scared to stop but I'm not the only one in this scary journey so I need to respect Jamie's wishes as well.

Oct 11 - Get contract termination letter from our agency. Instant sick feeling. Could this really be the end? What if our daughter is out there and we're quitting too early? I felt like throwing up and it was at that time that I feel to my knees and begged God to guide me and to soften Jamie's heart. I didn't do anything with the letter for a few days until Jamie asked about it. I take that back he didn't ask about it, it was more like this. Where is the letter and how soon we can get the fees returned that they've agreed on. I had a confession to make. I had been on the database and saw a little girl that I felt God lead me right to. I asked him if he would take a look at her picture, he said he would. I asked him if he'd try one more time. I told him I would call our agency and see if they could get her as a referral. I knew I was grasping at straws because this is not at all how Russian adoptions happen. The next day I called, 4 days later they called back. Yep she's there BUT she isn't cleared for International adoption until Dec 28th. So wait again or close the door? We decided to wait.

Nov 7th - Russian team has been to the adoption center and they have agreed to allow us to come see her after she clears the database as long as no bio family or Russian families come to get her. Just like before they still trump Americans.

Nov 10th - Iowa Kidsnet calls about placement of a sibling group. We decline.

Nov 15th - Another call from Iowa Kidsnet about the same kids. They said they really needed to find a family for them. Girl just turned 3 and boy just turned 4. I tell Jamie, we tell boys and after praying feel God is calling us to step forward. Not knowing how life will look with 5 kids or if we'll even go to Russian we decide to take them.

Nov 19th - go pick up the kids...

Nov 25th - Russian team saw her at the orphanage...good news!!

Dec 22nd - Agency calls to wish us a Merry Christmas and let us know that they are still thinking we will hear from Russia soon after the New Year.

So right now we will continue to follow God's provision for our lives as we try to figure out how to balance work, school, daycare, preschool and being a family of 6 while praying for Miss A!!

We're still alive

2010-08-08T20:57:00.002-05:00

Just wanted to take a minute to let you know that we are alive, well and still moving forward. Life has been great actually and God is still the amazing God he always has been. I know there's some of you that have been asking questions and wondering what's going on so I promise I will make a full post on everything that has happened. Just got home from a weekend at the lake and I'm tired however I wanted to post becasue I told myself the next time I got an email from a concerned friend I would and that email came over the week. You will hear from me soon!

Love Jill

When God Hurts Your Feelings

2010-06-10T08:07:00.000-05:00

Asking why is perfectly normal. Asking why isn’t
unspiritual. However, if asking this question pushes
us farther from God rather than drawing us closer
to Him, it is the wrong question. Too often, we tend
to question God:

• Why did this happen?
• Why didn’t You stop this, God?
• Why weren’t my prayers answered?
• Why am I alone?
• Why did this happen today of all days?!

In most situations, nothing positive can come
from whatever answer there might be to a why
question. Even if God gave us His reason why,
we would judge Him. And His reasons, from our
limited perspective, would always fall short.
That’s because our flat human perceptions
simply can’t process God’s multidimensional,
eternal reason.

Isaiah 55:8-9: “‘For my thoughts are not your
thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,’”
declares the Lord. ‘As the heavens are higher
than the earth, so are my ways higher than your
ways and my thought than your thoughts.’”

If asking the why question doesn’t offer hope, what will?
The what question. In other words: Now that this is my
reality, what am I supposed to do with it? So, when God
hurts your feelings, don’t ask why … ask what? For example,
ask God the following questions:

• What do You want me to do with what has happened?
• What can I learn from this?
• What part of this is for my protection?
• What other opportunities could God be providing?
• What maturity could God be building into me?

Where do I start...

2010-06-08T11:32:00.002-05:00

I don't even need to tell you that Ive been MIA because that's the obvious issue...so what is going on? This is the question that has flooded my mind and my email the past few weeks so I will try to bring you up to speed.

May 1st - A was suppose to released from the database, this is the date we were told since Nov 1st was the day we could travel to meet her. May 1st came and went, we were than told that because of the Russian holiday travel dates would more than likely be after that which is the 12th or there was a small possibility that we could get them in between the 2 holidays which would be May 5 -7, May 5 comes along with a call from our agency and they tell me that even though I didn't know they were being told for awhile that our dates would be given May 5. As May 5 passed they questioned so they contacted Russia to be told that since she had to redo her time on the database she also needed to be seen by 3 Russian families for adoption. I freaked out, after 10 months of waiting they are now going to show her to other families. I was beside words but that's kinda the way this whole adoption has went so I proceeded to trust. I asked the director of our agency if this concerned her and she told me no, its just going to mean you wait longer to which I asked how much and she told me hopefully you travel 1st part of June. Hard to accept but OK! I'm nervous and scared but trying to trust our agency and the Lord. I think I emailed almost every day to see how many families had seen her and if everything was OK, it always was until the call on May 25th, 1 family has seen her and declined and the 2nd family has asked for her medical and is considering. I bawled and bawled, how could this be happening, we were always told that anything could happen until May 1st which I knew but no one ever told me all this was going to take place after May 1st. This family has 2 weeks (June 7th) to decide, unreal I've waited 11 1/2 months and will take her no matter what and they can sit around for 2 weeks and decide. I had 2 weeks to pray, pray that God's will wouldd be done and that I'd have the strength to accept it. 1 week done and no change, our agency went into the adoption center in Smolensk and everything was the same. The days were dragging on and Satan was attacking my mind but I tried to stay strong and I prayed! I was getting bad feelings but I prayed! I work early morning as many of you know so on my drive home Friday morning (6am) I felt myself starting to unravel, I found myself driving home with tears rolling down my face and I was begging God to let me in on His plan. I needed Him to either open the door all the way and let us travel or close it so I could move on. I pleaded with Him to give A a family, I told Him I didn't care if it was here or in Russia just give her what she deserves and give me the strength to accept it. I was emotionally at the end of my rope, my sister says its at the end of your rope that you find the hem of His robe but I can't say I found that. I got home around 7am and laid down for about an hour before heading to my day job, I arrived there at 9:00am my cell phone rang at 9:25 it was the 440 area code...my agency...my heart sank, I began to sweat, felt like crying and than I heard the voice on the other end say Jill are you somewhere you can talk. Yes! I am what whats going on. Jill I hate to tell you this but the Russian family came back this morning and took Anna. Are you for real, shes gone. You mean I'll never hold or see the little girl I thought was gong to be my daughter. The phone went silent on both ends and all I could muster out is...I need time. It took everything I had to walk back into my office, pull myself together and finish the day but God gave me everything I needed. Telling Jamie was hard, telling the boys was even harder. How do you explain something to a 13 and 12 year old that you don't understand yourself. Tristan didn't say anything and Austin said No mom, not really! We headed to the lake Sat morning and spent time trying to put things back together. I have a zillion questions I'd like answers to but I'm moving past that cause all the answers in the world won't change the outcome. A friend shared this and its something that I will hang onto for a long time. She said God picks people and he didn't pick you to be her mom but He picked you to prayer for her until she found one. I'm honored, Lord. Thanks for picking me. I will prayer for her forever!

So how are we doing? Better than I ever imagined. We immediately contacted a few close friends and we know that they went to the cross for us because I felt the power of prayer like never before. Its only been a few days but I'm learning to accept that God has a different, better plan and to be honest I'm excited to see it unfold. There are moments I think about her and my heart sinks but I'm go grateful she has a family and that her days in the orphanage are over.

We thought about calling our agency yesterday just to see what our options where but I didn't feel God laying that on my heart so I was going to let a few days pass. Around 3pm the director called and wanted me to know that Smolensk has shut down and that if we want to move forward we would need to move our file to a different region. God is working because I wasn't sure I could emotionally go to Smolensk after all this. They are checking other regions to see where we can go however we are being very careful. In all honesty I actually thought about pulling the plug, walking away from the money spent because I didn't think I had the strength to go on that was until we asked the boys on Sat if they thought we should stop, or take a brake. I was willing to honor their wishes because we've all been through alot but almost in unison they both said. Mom I think we need to find our sister. Wow talk about taking your breathe away. So here we go, closing a chapter of our lives as we trust God to lead us to our daughter/sister.

If you learn to depend on the Lord you'll learn on dependable He is

Hugs Jill

Wait

2010-05-04T06:49:00.001-05:00

Desperately, helplessly, longingly, I cried;
Quietly, patiently, lovingly, God replied.
I pled and I wept for a clue to my fate . . .
And the Master so gently said, "Wait."
"Wait? you say wait?" my indignant reply.
"Lord, I need answers, I need to know why!
Is your hand shortened? Or have you not heard?
By faith I have asked, and I'm claiming your Word.
"My future and all to which I relate
Hangs in the balance, and you tell me to wait?
I'm needing a 'yes', a go-ahead sign,
Or even a 'no' to which I can resign.
"You promised, dear Lord, that if we believe,
We need but to ask, and we shall receive.
And Lord I've been asking, and this is my cry:
I'm weary of asking! I need a reply."
Then quietly, softly, I learned of my fate,
As my Master replied again, "Wait."
So I slumped in my chair, defeated and taut,
And grumbled to God, "So, I'm waiting for what?"
He seemed then to kneel, and His eyes met with mine . . .
and He tenderly said, "I could give you a sign.
I could shake the heavens and darken the sun.
I could raise the dead and cause mountains to run.
"I could give all you seek and pleased you would be.
You'd have what you want, but you wouldn't know Me.
You'd not know the depth of my love for each saint.
You'd not know the power that I give to the faint.
"You'd not learn to see through clouds of despair;
You'd not learn to trust just by knowing I'm there.
You'd not know the joy of resting in Me
When darkness and silence are all you can see.
"You'd never experience the fullness of love
When the peace of My spirit descends like a dove.
You would know that I give, and I save, for a start,
But you'd not know the depth of the beat of My heart.
"The glow of my comfort late into the night,
The faith that I give when you walk without sight.
The depth that's beyond getting just what you ask
From an infinite God who makes what you have last.
"You'd never know, should your pain quickly flee,
What it means that My grace is sufficient for thee.
Yes, your dearest dreams overnight would come true,
But, oh, the loss, if you missed what I'm doing in you.
"So, be silent, my child, and in time you will see
That the greatest of gifts is to truly know me.
And though oft My answers seem terribly late,
My most precious answer of all is still . . . Wait."

Countdown is complete..What does this mean?

2010-05-01T06:04:00.002-05:00

May 1st is the day we've been waiting for since Nov 1st, 2009. What does this day mean and why aren't we boarding the jet. Well back in Nov the judge gave A another 6 months on the database which means she was not available for international adoption during that period, she could however be adopted by a Russian family, bio family member except her dad or put into foster care. May 1st marks that date that she is available for international adoption which is the date we needed to get to in order for us to even be invited. Now that we've arrived the MOE of Russia needs to sign her release and than we'll get invited, so in other words we're now able to go but need to wait for her release and than an invite. With the Russian holidays from May 1 - 3 and 8 - 10 there is only those few days 4 -7 that this could be signed, we're praying God moves mountains and it happens during this time otherwise it will happen after the 10th when they return to work. We really have no idea when we'll travel because of this but this is an idea...IF the MOE signs her release during the 4th - 7th we would more than likely travel mid May IF the MOE waits until after the Holidays than we'd more than likely travel end of May.

This has been a journey and though we are far from the end we could really use your prayers. Please pray for Amara and her caretakers, for us, for strength and understanding, that all road blocks are pulled out, papers are signed and we get invited for 1st trip soon!

A while back I shared in a post about a website called Prayer Works where you can post a prayer request and than be notified when someone prays, they can also email you the prayer. I love that site, Ive posted prayer request on there esp. in the last few weeks with all the media confusion and mess in Russia after the TN woman sent her son back but I also like to pray for others. Its neat! This is an email I received yesterday and it really pulled at my heart strings. God has really put some amazing people in my life!

Hold tightly to the Lord and His resources. Doing the impossible is
everyday business for God.

God has not forgotten you or your daughter. It is so easy to see
that your heart breaks for the same things that break God's heart.
He will hear your cry and all of us crying out with you!

May the Lord bless you with peace while you face uncertainty and
waiting. I pray that God would give wisdom and His vision to all who
need it to make sure your daughter can soon be in your arms!

Whats in a name

2010-04-26T19:31:00.002-05:00

Amara means Eternal

Gender: Female
Origin: Greek

I was helping Austin with his assignment and decided to check out her name. On another website I originally used when we picked her name it said grace. I'll take Eternal tonight. God knows my heart!

Busy but Anxious

2010-04-26T09:01:00.002-05:00

I almost hate to even write that word...ANXIOUS because as you know God's word says be anxious about nothing but pray about everything. I'm still praying but truth of the matter is I'm anxious...I really want travel dates!

I guess I can be thankful that we've been so busy we almost don't have time to think and the last 3 weeks seem like they just flew out the window. Our medicals are done, home study update is done and both are on the way to Russia that only leaves 1 document left to do before we leave than hopefully we'll get our court date asap.

This week the US and Russia will have their "meeting" about the woman sending her son back, I don't think this will effect us at all however Ive heard that singles may be effect. Please pray for those individuals. We are hading right into May holidays for Russia and word is that no dates will be given however a friend of mine just got 1st trip travel dates and she will be leaving Friday which puts her in Russia right during that time so there' hope and God willing we could still get dates before the end of the month. Otherwise we're to the point that the call could come any day. I plan on calling our agency today or tomorrow to see if they've heard anything. Every time I think about seeing her my heart does somersaults. I cant wait to see how much she's changed since her 9 month picture. Please pray that God continues to give us a strength that can only come from Him. My friend gave me wise advise, she said to tie a knot at the end of the rope so it's easier to hang on. Whew we're still hanging but we've been hanging for almost 9 1/2 months and we're ready...but is God ready to send us?

Homestudy Update & Medicals

2010-04-14T20:21:00.002-05:00

We are so close to having everything that we will need for our 2nd trip (court). There are additional documents that need to be gathered after 1st trip, these docs need to be sent to Russia before they will issue a court date. Most agencies have people do this when they get home however our agency likes it all done right before you go for 1st trip that way it can be given to the coordinators in Russia when we're there so we can hopefully get court date sooner. Right now our agency is still saying 5 weeks in between 1st and 2nd. We had 3 things that we still needed...Homestudy update which happened Monday. They came for the home visit to make sure nothing has changed in the past year and she told us she thought it would be complete end of next week, medicals which can not be more than 3 months old at the time of court and guess what....we got the go ahead to get them so today that got finished, lastly we still need current police clearances again cant be more than 3 months old for court. I don't have a plan to do those yet but it only takes 30 mins, nice thing about small town. I just drive 3 miles to the sheriff station, they run our record, fill out the form with a notary and done. We are so ready to go, now just wait for dates!

Are we in the clear?

2010-04-13T17:00:00.003-05:00

I wish we could say this is all over and everything is normal however thats not the case. This woman returning her son to Russia has caused a HUGE mess especially for families liek ours waiting for travel dates. Im not sure how long it will be before things die down but after talking to our agency this afternoon Im hopefully we will be fine. They said no news is good news and they were doing everyday business like usual. She even started that they got some referrals, some court dates and even have families in country so thats a good sign. She said nothing different about us just the same as last week...sit tight and maybe get travel dates May 4 - 7 or after May 10th. Today was the most positive day so far in reguards to newspapers, emails, blogs, facebook, etc. Here is what a friend forwarded me from the Moscow Times...

Adoption Flap Not Expected to Last Long

Adoptions, a hot-button issue after several Russian children died at the hands of their U.S. parents in recent years, jumped to the forefront last Thursday when a single Tennessee mother sent her 7-year-old Russian son to Moscow with a note saying she no longer wanted him.

Keep praying...God has a plan and it's always a perfect plan.

Praise the Lord

2010-04-12T14:29:00.000-05:00

Here is the latest...Praise the Lord may He have all the glory!!

Recent situation with a child being "returned" to Russia had us all concerned.

Concerned with a child's well being, just imagine the effect of being "returned" by your adoptive mother now, after being abandoned by your biological mother. The effect is, well, devastating.

Concerned about children who are in orphanages now and were waiting for their adoptive parents. Since an incident like that reflects not just on one family, but on the entire adoption program, and we've seen too many adoption programs close recently, and children are the ones left out.

Concerned about parents waiting to adopt, waiting to bring a child into their family, to love, to cherish, to call their own.

As of today I was told that we shouldn't panic and that Russian adoption authorities will continue "business as usual."

Russian President said that he believes that it was just an unfortunate situation and the child just ended up with a bad family.

The ombudsmen did call for "not a moratorium but a suspension of all adoption agencies practices." He doesn't have the power to implement this and it's not really clear what he meant by this but he does have the president's ear. I suspect that an announcement won't be made until after the President leaves the U.S. this week.

The accredited agency that did the placement had its accreditation suspended for a month, pending detailed investigation, but with a right finish adoptions currently in process.

That's the status on 12 NOON EST on Monday, April 12th, 2010.

Thanks

2010-04-11T17:14:00.002-05:00

First I want to thank all of you that have emailed letting us know you are praying for us, we appreciate it more than you know. Everyone keeps asking me how I'm doing so I thought I'd let you all know. We're great, to be honest this really has affected us or our attitude. We have a great peace that comes from our Heavenly Father and in no way are we prepared to allow Satan to steal that. In my opinion I just don't think that Russia would be able to close all adoptions to the US. From 2001 to 2007 66,000 children were placed in US homes, with only 14 cases of craziness. There are currently 770,000 children in orphanages in Russia. I'm sorry to say this but with the number of kids without parental care and the amount of money that flows from US adoptive families they would have to think long and hard to end it. Things might slow done some and court will be rough for the families in the next 6 months but I just don't see it ending. For us personally I trust that God has a plan and it's already all worked out so all we can do is pray, have faith and as a friend told me...enjoy the ride! We are moving forward as always, still counting down the days and hoping to travel mid to late May. To us this is just another hurdle in the journey. So the count down continues.....

days!!

Couldn't Of Said It Better Myself

2010-04-10T10:05:00.002-05:00

I received this email this morning in reply to another email...Well said.

Yes...I think all of us in the "waiting Stage" have heard and shuddered at this news and these articles. Like many times before,Russia threatens alot of things. This is another way for the country to divert the attention of their own political and social shortcomings - like 740,000 children without parental supervision. We are dealing with a country that denied they had any involvment in a war in Afganistan to its own children...really? ?
Is it scary to all of us "good parents"? Absolutely, but we are powerless in the international adoption world. The only hope that we hang on to is that adoption is a big money maker in Russia and they would have to think long and hard before freezing those funds coming in on a steady stream.
There were 60,000 children adopted from Russia and since 1996 to 2010 there have been 14 cases of neglect or murder to Russians by American AP. Yes, one child is one too many...but an entire society of wonderful parents would be demonized for 14 crazy people. ---While in Russia we saw a program on russian TV by Russian Ed Officals that 78% of orphans will become drug addicts, criminals or commit suicide. So thats a half million children without parental care that might take a turn towards drugs or crime, instead of chancing it with a loving American Family? !
So, we as APs can only sit again, powerless and wait for the powers to be to hopefully realize their own shortcomings and not deny these thousands of children loving homes.

2010-04-10T05:31:00.000-05:00

Law murky for mom who returned adopted Russian boy

Posted: Apr 10, 2010 5:02 AM CDT
Updated: Apr 10, 2010 5:03 AM CDT

By KRISTIN M. HALL and NATALIYA VASILYEVA
Associated Press Writers
SHELBYVILLE, Tenn. (AP) - A Tennessee woman has stirred international outrage by sending a Russian boy she adopted back to Moscow on a flight by himself, yet local authorities said it's not clear if she broke any laws.

The 7-year-old boy, Artyom Savelyev, was put on a plane with a note saying his adoptive mother no longer wanted to parent him because he was violent and had severe psychological problems. While her actions were condemned by Russia's president and U.S. diplomats, the sheriff investigating the case said it's not clear if anyone can be charged.

"You know, you look at it and it's hard to say exactly if a law has been broken here," Bedford County Sheriff Randall Boyce said. "This is extremely unusual. I don't think anyone has seen something like this before."

Russia threatened to suspend all child adoptions by U.S. families over the treatment of the boy, who was called Justin Hansen by the Tennessee family.

The boy's adoptive grandmother, Nancy Hansen of Shelbyville, said the boy was violent and angry with her daughter. She said she flew with the boy to Washington and then put him on a plane to Moscow.

"He drew a picture of our house burning down, and he'll tell anybody that he's going to burn our house down with us in it," she told The Associated Press in a telephone interview. "It got to be where you feared for your safety. It was terrible."

Authorities in Tennessee were investigating the adoptive mother, Torry Hansen, 33.

Bob Tuke, a Nashville attorney and member of the American Academy of Adoption Attorneys, said abandonment charges against the family could depend on whether the boy was a U.S. citizen.

It wasn't clear if the adoption had become final. A Tennessee health department spokeswoman said there was no birth certificate issued for the boy, a step that would indicate he had become a U.S. citizen.

The sheriff said Hansen initially agreed to be interviewed by authorities but then postponed it after talking to a lawyer.

Boyce said it would be difficult to substantiate claims by Russian officials that the mother mistreated the child.

"We're here, and the child is in Russia, so it's hard for us to know whether this child has been abused," Boyce said.

The boy arrived unaccompanied in Moscow on a United Airlines flight on Thursday from Washington. The Kremlin children's rights office said the adoptive mother wrote in her note she was returning him because of severe psychological problems.

"This child is mentally unstable. He is violent and has severe psychopathic issues," the letter said. "I was lied to and misled by the Russian Orphanage workers and director regarding his mental stability and other issues. ...

"After giving my best to this child, I am sorry to say that for the safety of my family, friends, and myself, I no longer wish to parent this child."

Russian Foreign Minister Sergey Lavrov called the family's actions "the last straw" in a string of U.S. adoptions gone wrong, including three in which Russian children had died in the U.S. The cases have prompted outrage in Russia, where foreign adoption failures are reported prominently.

Russian President Dmitry Medvedev strongly condemned the family's actions, telling ABC News that the boy "fell into a very bad family."

"It is a monstrous deed on the part of his adoptive parents, to take the kid and virtually throw him out with the airplane in the opposite direction and to say, 'I'm sorry I could not cope with it, take everything back' is not only immoral but also against the law," Medvedev said.

A freeze on adoptions could affect hundreds of American families. Last year, nearly 1,600 Russian children were adopted in the United States, and more than 60,000 Russian orphans have been successfully adopted there, according to the National Council For Adoption, a U.S. adoption advocacy nonprofit group.

The boy was adopted in September from the town of Partizansk in Russia's Far East.

Nancy Hansen, the grandmother, rejected assertions of child abandonment. She said he was watched by a United Airlines flight attendant and that the family paid a man $200 to pick the boy up at the Moscow airport and take him to the Russian Education and Science Ministry.

Nancy Hansen said a social worker checked on the boy in January and reported to Russian authorities that there were no problems. But after that, the grandmother said incidents of hitting, kicking and spitting began to escalate, along with threats.

She said she and her daughter went to Russia together to adopt the boy, and she believes information about his behavioral problems was withheld from her daughter.

"The Russian orphanage officials completely lied to her because they wanted to get rid of him," Nancy Hansen said.

She said the boy was very skinny when they picked him up, and he told them he had been beaten with a broom handle at the orphanage.

There was no response to a knock at Torry Hansen's door, and a phone listing couldn't be found for her. Her mother also declined to put AP in touch with her.

The U.S. ambassador to Russia, John Beyrle, said he was "deeply shocked by the news" and "very angry that any family would act so callously toward a child that they had legally adopted."

Anna Orlova, a spokeswoman for Kremlin's Children Rights Commissioner, said she visited the boy and he told her that his mother was "bad," ''did not love him" and used to pull his hair.

___

Vasilyeva reported from Moscow. Associated Press writers Travis Loller in Nashville, Joshua Freed in Minneapolis, George Tibbits in Seattle, and Foster Klug and Robert Burns in Washington contributed to this report.

2010-04-09T20:50:00.000-05:00

Adoption freeze urged after boy returned to Russia

NATALIYA VASILYEVA
From Associated Press
April 09, 2010 1:46 PM EDT
MOSCOW (AP) — Russia should freeze all child adoptions with U.S. families, the country's foreign minister urged Friday after an American woman allegedly put her 8-year-old adopted Russian son on a one-way flight back to his homeland.

Artyom Savelyev arrived in Moscow unaccompanied on a United Airlines flight Thursday from Washington, the Kremlin children's rights office said Friday.

The children's office said the boy, whose adoptive name is Justin Hansen, was carrying a letter from his adoptive mother, Torry Hansen of Shelbyville, Tennessee, saying she was returning him due to severe psychological problems.

"This child is mentally unstable. He is violent and has severe psychopathic issues," the letter said, according to Russian officials, who sent what they said was a copy of the letter to The Associated Press. The authenticity of the letter could not be independently verified.

The U.S. ambassador to Russia, John Beyrle, said he was "deeply shocked by the news" and "very angry that any family would act so callously toward a child that they had legally adopted."

The boy is now in the hospital in northern Moscow for a checkup, Anna Orlova, spokeswoman for Kremlin's Children Rights Commissioner Pavel Astakhov, told The Associated Press.

Orlova, who visited Savelyev on Friday, said the child reported that his mother was "bad," ''did not love him," and used to pull his hair.

Savelyev was adopted late September last year from the town of Partizansk in Russia's Far East.

He turned up at the door of the Russian Education and Science Ministry on Thursday afternoon accompanied by a Russian man who had been hired by Savelyev's adopted grandmother to pick him up from the airport, according to the ministry. The chaperone handed over the boy and his documents, and then left, officials said.

The education minister said later Friday that it had decided to suspended the license of World Association for Children and Parents — a Renton, Washington-based agency that processed Savelyev's adoption — for the duration of the probe.

Foreign Minister Sergey Lavrov said in televised remarks that the ministry would recommend that the U.S. and Russia hammer out an agreement before any new adoptions are allowed.

"We have taken the decision ... to suggest a freeze on any adoptions to American families until Russia and the USA sign an international agreement" on the conditions for adoptions and the obligations of host families, Lavrov was quoted as saying.

Lavrov said the U.S. had refused to negotiate such an accord in the past but "the recent event was the last straw."

Russian officials have long cast a wary eye on international adoptions.

In 2006, Peggy Sue Hilt of Manassas, Virginia, was sentenced to 25 years in prison after being convicted of fatally beating a 2-year-old girl adopted from Siberia just months earlier.

In 2008, Kimberly Emelyantsev of Tooele, Utah, was sentenced to 15 years after pleading guilty to killing a Russian infant in her care.

These cases prompted outrage in Russia, where foreign ills are reported with gusto, and calls for tougher rules governing foreign adoptions.

Last year, nearly 1,600 Russian children were adopted in the United States, according to Tatyana Yakovleva of the ruling United Russia party.

Rob Johnson, a spokesman for the Tennessee Department of Children's Services, said the agency is looking into Friday's allegations, although they do not handle international adoptions.

Torry Ann Hansen is listed as a licensed registered nurse in Shelbyville, Tenn., according to the Tennessee Department of Health's Web site. No work address is listed.

Her name appears in a list of August 2007 graduates from Middle Tennessee State University in Murfreesboro, Tenn., with a Masters of Science in Nursing degree.

United Airlines allows unaccompanied children as young as 5 years old on direct flights. Children age 8 and above can catch connecting flights, as well.

___________

Associated Press writer Kristin Hall in Nashville, Tennessee, Joshua Freed in Minneapolis and Matthew Barakat in McLean, Virginia, contributed to this report.

Praying for the small window

2010-04-08T16:32:00.002-05:00

My days have been better! Prayer helps and I've decided that right now it's not good for my mind to be home alone everyday so Jamie and I sat down the other night and talked about what to do. We've decided that if the days are long now I will really need to find something to do with my time between 1st and 2nd trip so I've decided to accept an offer from my dad to work 25 hours a week for him. That has helped my mind...I need to stay busy right now :)

I also got a positive email from our agency which has helped. This is the update...

Government offices will be closed May 1-3 (for May day). May 4-7 should be normal working days (although this can change). May 8-10 will be closed again (Victor day celebration).

So there is a very small window (May 4-7) that we MIGHT get official information confirming she is available for international adoption during these dates. They ask us to please understand that this is what we hope for, but there is no guarantee that the official information will come during these dates- this is the best case scenario. Ultimately it is up to the government offices if they do this in between holidays, and it is out of our control. It is possible that we might not get the official information until after May 10. They said delays are common. After this official information is received, then we need to submit a document to request your first trip dates This document cannot be submitted until after the official information is given. Once they receive this document, then they will receive your first trip dates. At that time you will apply for your visas to go to Russia, which takes a week. So most likely, you should plan to travel in the 2nd half of May, and it could be closer to the end of May if we receive the official information after May 10.

This is good, of course traveling tomorrow sounds good to me but at least we have an idea. Join us in prayer that the information we need comes in the small window. God can do the unthinkable IF it's his will.

Hello Satan

2010-04-07T08:27:00.003-05:00

Yesterday was hard on me, I can actually say it was the 1st really hard day and with a friendly reminder from my hubby I should be thankful I didn't have many more of those in the last 6 months. I'm sure that you all had those days that just trip you up and you really can't pin point why, well mine was yesterday. I already felt it as I was working my morning job, just irritated for no reason. So after I got the boys to school I thought maybe it was from not getting enough sleep so I laid down, which was good, I slept 3 hours so I must of needed it but it still didn't help my mood. I did a few loads of laundry than headed to get my hair done to find out that I had no idea where my wallet was...how was I going to pay for my hair color without my checkbook or my debit card, so I tore the car apart and than back in the house to tear that apart, almost late for my appointment I find a debit card only it has Jamie's name on it, no problem the lady is a friend of mine she wont mind. Whew get there only 3 mins late, hair done, go to pay and she says Jill it says this card is invalid..nice! To the bank I went to get cash, more irritated. Had some Herbalife to deliver so I did that before heading home to pick up the boys, get home, check my email to find an email from the travel department at our agency. It says....We THINK you will get travel dates mid May. THINK, let's stop thinking and get answers!! Wow that truly was an attack but exactly how I felt. Did I reply that way? Nope I didn't even reply because I knew it wouldn't come across good but that's how I wanted to answer along with...enough is enough...we have waited long enough now give us travel dates....that's when it hit me like a ton of bricks. It was like God smacked me right in the forehead. Who do I think I am that I'm owed something? We have a good agency and they're doing all they can around the government shutting down in Russia for May Day but yesterday no matter what anyone did it wasn't going to satisfy me. Satan really had ahold of me, making me believe this should all of a sudden be finished. I felt like I was telling God...OK man enough of you leading get out of the drivers seat, you re not going fast enough! I'm human but I'm also ashamed and the reason I'm ashamed is because after sitting down with Jamie and explaining exactly how I felt it dawned on me, I hadn't spent time with God since Sat morning. That doesn't work for me and when I get "too busy" this is exactly how I feel. Jamie and I prayed and I was wrong for allowing myself to let my emotions and feelings of the moment take over my day. Satan attacked and I allowed it, he convinced me that I was owed answers when instead I should of been rejoicing that our time is nearing the end and God provided peace and strength the whole way, its only when I try to be in control that things really get messed up. I'm a believer that when you struggle you need to get in the Word and work through God's promises so that's what I did and this is what I found...

Let the Lord lead you and trust Him to help .Psalm 37 :5

With all your heart you must trust the Lord and not your own judgment. Always let Him lead you , and He will clear the road for you to follow .Proverbs 3:5-6

But now you will again see the Lord , your teacher , and He will guide you . Whether you turn to the right or to the left , you will hear a voice saying "This is the road ! Now follow it ." Isaiah 30: 20-21

But the Lord God keeps me from being disgraced . So I refuse to give up , because I know God will never let me down .Isaiah50:7

Don't worry about anything , but pray about everything . With thankful hearts offer up your prayers and request to God . Then , because you belong to Christ Jesus , God will bless you with peace that on one can completely understand. And this peace will control the way you think and feel. Philippians 4: 6-7

You say to me , "I will point out the road that you should follow. I will be your teacher and watch over you .Psalm 38: 8

If you do what the Lords wants , He will make certain each step you take is sure . The Lord will hold your hand , and if you stumble , you still won't fall .Psalm 37: 23-24

The Lord will protect you and keep you safe from all dangers . The Lord will protect you now and always where ever you go .Psalm 121: 7-8

Live under the protection of God Most High and stay in the shadow of God - All Powerful. Then you will say to the Lord , " You are my Fortress , my place of safety ; you are my God , and I trust you ." Psalm 91: 1-2

Don't fall into the trap of being a coward - trust the Lord , and you will be safe. Proverbs 29: 25

The Lord Most High is your fortress Run to Him for safety, and no terrible disasters will strike you or your home .Psalm 91: 9-10

God will command His angels to protect you wherever you go . They will carry you in their arms , and you won't hurt your feet on the stones.Psalm 91: 11-12

So don't be afraid of sudden disasters storms that strike those who are evil . You can be sure that the Lord will protect you from harm .Proverbs 3: 25-26

The Lord helps me ! Why should I be afraid of what people can do to me ?Hebrews 13:6
You are my hiding place ! You protect me from trouble , and you put songs in my heart because you have saved me .Psalm 32: 7

I may walk through the valleys as dark as death , but I won't be afraid . You are with me , and your shepherd's rod makes me feel safe . You treat me to a feast , while my enemies watch . You honor me as your guest , and you fill my cup until it over flows .Psalm 23: 4-5

God is our mighty fortress , always ready to help in times of trouble.Psalm 46:1

I give you peace , the kind of peace that only I can give . It isn't like the peace that this world can give . So don't be worried or afraid .John 14: 27

So day I started my day out different. I started my day with...Good Morning Lord... Today I'm thanking Him for all he's done for me instead of focusing on what I want changed and what I don't understand.

It's Friday But Sunday Is Coming

2010-04-02T21:49:00.001-05:00

Is time flying?

2010-04-01T08:38:00.005-05:00

Wow I can't believe I haven't posted since Mar 25th. I don't know if I'm getting some sort of special treatment from our Heavenly Father or if it's feeling like this for everyone but time is flying...seriously I can't believe today is April 1st already. That puts us down to

DAYS!!! I will be honest yesterday before I had my sit down with God I was bothered....feeling like somebody surely should be able to tell us something but after typing and retyping an email to the travel dept at our agency I decided I better not click send as it was sounding alittle snippy and ramped which was kinda how I was feeling...I mean come on give us travel dates so we can haul out the suitcases and get this show on the road. Things worked out anyway because later in the day I got an updated email on some questions we had asked a while back so I was than able to ask a few more :) She said they still didn't know for sure on travel dates so I kindly asked her if she would be able to inquire with the people in Russia to see if they had any idea. We were told about 2 weeks ago that we'd more than likely get called mid May...so what does that mean? That we'll get travel dates late April and travel mid May or that we'll get travel dates mid May and travel end of May. I just need alittle more right now. Of course being the great agency they are she says...no problem Jill I understand where you're coming from and I will get an email send right away and let you know as soon as I hear. I am now anxiously waiting the response! One thing we did get answered is that all our acceptance papers from last August will not have to be redone, which is good news. That means that they still have all out papers on hold over there and we shouldn't be held up, when the call comes it will be a...Book your flights call. Man that call can't come soon enough. God's time Jill, not yours hehe

We have all out updated paperwork turned in to Catholic Charities so they can update our International home study. That home visit will be April 12th. Our agency asked us to get this updated before 1st trip to hurry along the court date. Last we heard they thought time in between 1st trip and 2nd trip (court) would only be 5 weeks. That being said IF we go 1st trip mid May, 2nd trip mid June, come home to wait out 10 day wait we should be back in Russia to bring her home late June to early July. Now wouldn't that be a great Father's Day gift and birthday gift to Jamie!

We have completed our 10 weeks of MS MAPP classes for our foster/adoption licenses, finshed all 3 home visits and should have our license May 1st...the day Miss A is released from the database.

What else is happening in the Verduin home....Kids last day of school before Easter break is today and than they also have Monday off. Both boys have decided to go to a week summer camp, which I'm happy about, not for them to be gone because a week is a long time for me and Jamie but it's a Christian camp and they're at just that age where God needs to be at work in their minds and hearts. We got Tristan signed up for soccer. This is the 1st year our school has done it for 6th - 8th graders so it should be fun. The season is only from now until end of school year. I love it that he's getting more involved in sports. Jamie is busy at work, with the nice weather everyone is ready to start home improvements. I am still working 2 hours every morning from 2am - 4am, hate waking up but LOVE having my days free.

Church tonight, tomorrow night we're having Valerie and the girls over to color eggs, my sister will be home, Sat is the egg hunt in the park by our house. Next year we'll be there with bells on :) Sat night my family is getting together and Sunday...ahhh Sunday...Easter Sunday. HE IS RISEN.

Wishing you all a Happy Easter, remember why we celebrate. The candy and treats are great fro the kids but it's the cross my friends. He died on the cross to give you and I eternal life....thank Him!

Love Jill

10 things you may not know

2010-03-25T12:51:00.003-05:00

I saw this on Beth Moore's blog and thought it would be fun to do. After you read mine share in the comments or do a post on your personal blog. I'd love to "see" more of who you are!

1) I have been self employed my whole life besides recently. I took a part time job, which I'm no longer doing and it left a bad taste in my mouth for time clocks and bosses.

2) If my whole family was on board I'd sell everything and live as a missionary.

3) Jamie and I have been together 15 years, divorced for 1 1/2 years until God radically changed our lives and brought our family back together. Stronger and better than ever with Him smack dap in the middle!

4) I have an older brother who everyone thinks is actually Jamie's brother and 1 younger sister who is like a best friend.

5) 3 years ago I was done having kids...

6) Our family building isn't ending after Amara gets home. I'd love to carry another child some day.

7) I have 2 biological boys Tristan - 13, Austin - 11 and a beautiful daughter Amara in Russia waiting for us to take her home forever.

8) I have 2 inside dogs (Coco and Chloe) an outside dog (Jade) a bird (Baby) and many fish...I love animals.

9) We are now licensed foster / adoptive parents in the state of Iowa.

10) I'm content just the way I am. I'm a sinner and I fall short every day but all that matters to me as that I obeyed the Lord's command to the best of my ability and He loves me no matter what.

Your turn share, share, share!

Isaiah 46: 9-11

2010-03-24T20:27:00.002-05:00

So Wednesday night is our night to get together with some friends from church to pray and spent time in fellowship and tonight this passage was shared and it really spoke to me.

Remember the former things, those of long ago; I am God, and there is no other;
I am God, and there is none like me. I make known the end from the beginning,
from ancient times, what is still to come. I say: My purpose will stand, and I will do all that I please. From the east I summon a bird of prey; from a far-off land, a man to fulfill my purpose. What I have said, that will I bring about; what I have planned, that will I do. Isaiah 46: 9-11

Thank you Lord for giving me your peace and strength. As the days near and everything is so uncertain give me ears to hear and eyes to see exactly what it is your calling me to do. A friend today told me that she admired my strength. My strength??? I don't think my human strength could of brought me to this point. May you get all the glory and may the completion of this adoption by all for your glory for without you it can not be completed. I love you Lord.

Love those girls

2010-03-20T21:01:00.003-05:00

We're starting something new in the Verduin home. We've decided that with every ones different schedule and me working nights and not days that Friday night was going to be family night. Playing games, watching movies, skating, swimming, bowling or whatever sounds fun. This Friday we went skating. Tristan had a sleep over at church so it was just Austin and the girls. I love these girls they are a family from church that we spent alot of time with. This is the 2nd time we had them skating and it's fun to see how much better they get every time, well the 2 older ones anyway. Jamie didn't skate but he had his hands full with the 2 little ones.

The girls didn't last as long as Austin so we stopped early and went to Mc D's until Austin was ready to go. We had a great night!

"One hundred years from now, it will not matter what my bank account was, how big my house was, or what kind of car I drove. But the world may be a little better, because I was important in the life of a child."–Forest E. Witcraft

Yes Lord Yes Lord Yes Yes Lord

2010-03-13T12:43:00.004-06:00

Yes we heard from our agency Thursday with an update, nothing specific but at least it's something but before I share that I have to share what God is doing right now as we wait. Last August when we got our referral we started applying for grants, 13 of them, heard back from almost all of them but with news that because of the economy there where no funds, we were approved for one. Well after that many months we figured we wouldn't hear from the rest and started planning for ways to fund the rest, God is moving and this morning we got a call from one of those we hadn't heard from and we where just up for another review and we were approved. Yipppeee thank you Lord. Now I know that is a God thing!!! We are humbly grateful for this especially since the judge in our region has decided to change a few things which will require more funds.

Now onto what our agency said...They received word from the staff in Russia that we would probably have travel dates mid April, that's only 4 weeks away however due to the Russian holiday that takes place the 1st week and half in May we may have to wait to travel til after those. Please pray that we go before May 1st so we are home prior to the holiday. Anything is possible with God.

As the time gets closer I see can clearly see God moving. He has protected little Miss A this whole time which to me is a miracle! We started at 29 weeks and today we are down to

The rest of the family is wonderful. Jamie is back working full weeks after a long winter. He just said this morning that he is ready to mow and sit on the deck. We love summer. We had conferences for the boys last week. Austin is pulling all A's and B's and Tristan could be, he is very smart however 7th grade has him thinking that as long as he gets a C it's OK. We informed him that was OK if losing some of his privileges was also OK. Amazing enough homework has been coming home more this week and he even studied for a Science test! As for me, well for anyone that truly knows me I'm still changing things around, I do that often. It's like I told Jamie I'm glad I'm not a tree I can easily move so I closed the club March 1st as you already know and started working for my land lord. They are great people but I'm not so hip on all the stress and drama that comes with a time clock so I have decided to quiet there which was probably going to happen after Miss A came home anyway, God is just alittle more organized than I am. We have been praying about a way that I can still supplement my Herbalife but not have to pay daycare, I do not want her in daycare...PERIOD! So God did it, I got a part time job at night that pays a tad more than the job I was doing and it's from 2:00am - 5:00am, yep it's an adjustment but that means no daycare and full days at home with Miss A, that to me is worth alittle less sleep!

God has been so good to us and it's amazing what happens when you pray about things and than just turn them over to Him. I used to try to plan and figure everything out 1/2 the time stressing myself out. If I only would of know how easy it was to pray and let God handle it. Life is good.

We are so looking forward to summer days in the sun, at the pool and playing on the new play set!

This Tuesday is our last MS MAPP class which means after our 3rd and last home visit in April we will have our foster and adoption licences in the state of Iowa. Our home will not be on the call list until we are home and settled with Miss A but it will be nice to have that completed when we are ready to open up our home.

Thank you Lord for the wonderful life you have allowed me to live!

Love Jill

God's Heart: Adoption

2010-03-07T14:48:00.001-06:00

Too cute

2010-03-06T20:43:00.004-06:00

A dear blogger friend shared these and I couldnt resist. I think they will look great in her room next to her nesting dolls we got from Russia.

Give me an.....

2010-03-02T23:37:00.003-06:00

That's right can you believe we are down to 8 weeks. I'm so excited it's like a giddy feeling. All the new paperwork is there and we're still hoping to make 1st trip before we need to amend our home study. God willing we have travel dates mid April!!

Besides that there isn't much exciting happening around here just terribly busy. We finished our 8th week of PS MAPP classes tonight so that means 1 left and than a pot luck for the 10th one. Its been a great class but I'll be happy when my Tues night is free again. We have another home visit this coming Monday.

My nutrition club is completely closed and funny thing is with it being closed most of last month and doing everything from home around my schedule my sales are up, kinda funny. I'm working about 6 hours a day at my job and loving it. I picked up a few houses I'm going to be cleaning to help our travel fund.

Jamie is back to work full time. Yipppee, not that I didn't like him home getting things done but it's hard on the pocket book. Boys are great, we have parent teacher conferences tomorrow.

I am expecting an update from our agency sometime this week!!

3 of my friends were in Russia this week and picked up their children. Praise the Lord!!

It was than that I carried you...

2010-02-26T22:17:00.000-06:00

Most of you don't know but about a month ago I started looking ahead to this day and for a moment it overwhelmed me or maybe a better word would be scared me but than I prayed as I knew I had to trust that the Lord would give me everything I needed to get through this day. Today was our sweet little girls 1st birthday. This morning was kinda hard so I spent some time before work in prayer and God provided. I was so busy at work I didn't get out of there until 3pm, just in time to pick up the boys from school get Herbalife delivered to my clients to make it home before 5, pack and head to my sisters. As I was talking to Jamie today about my busy day I realized it was God's way of carrying me through. So today I thank the Lord for allowing me to have the kind of peace that can only come from Him, for giving us such a precious little face that we long to hold and love forever and also to wish our beautiful angel a Happy Birthday! I love you more than you could ever imagine.

When I came home from work this is what I found on the counter...flowers to Amara from my mother. Brought tears to my eyes!!

Bittersweet

2010-02-22T07:56:00.003-06:00

Tristan ended his 1st hockey season on Sat. I am so so proud of him, he started in Nov after never being on the ice, he struggled and his coaches said that he wouldn't play in games this year because of his abilities. He didn't accept that, he started watching you tube videos on how to stop, how to skate backwards and techniques,and went to every open skate he could. He sat the bench his 1st game and that was also the last one. He gave it all he had and played in every game there after. I have enjoyed the season and will like my free time back yet hate to see it end. He will move up next year to the Bantams so we have decided to put him in a week long camp this summer to sharping up his skills. I'm such a proud mom and even though he wasn't the best player I'm super proud of him for never giving up even when the odds we against him.

This week we complete week 7 of 10 in our MS MAPP class, as long as weather doesn't delay any classes we should have our licenses mid March, take a little break and hopefully head to Russia mid April. I will be calling our agency this week to see what they're thinking for travel dates :)

We have friends in Florida waiting for their little boy to come across from Haiti and are running into some unexpected snags. Please pray for these families and also the children. They have already been through so much!

Our day countdown on the fridge says...

How is the J-O-B?

2010-02-17T21:29:00.002-06:00

Hard to believe I'm almost 4 days into my new job. I love the job and I love the hours but its been alittle hard to juggle everything. I found myself up early this morning placing my Herbalife order because I don't have time during the day like I used to. I'm suppose to work from 9 -1pm however I haven't been out of there at 1 yet :) its more like 2:30 and than its time to pick up the kids, do supper, homework, catch up on every ones day and than I'm tired. All in all I like the job so far just anxious to see how God's going to handle the...I want to be a stay at home home prayer. My bosses know this is only temporary until Miss A comes home and at that time we'll sit down and talk to see if it's going to work to continue.

We finished out 6th week of MS MAPP class and have 4 more weeks left. This is been the greatest class Ive taken, its packed full of information. I just told another adoptive mom that all people considering adoption just take this class, its a wealth of information.

Nothing has changed on the adoption front. We're waiting for apostles and than everything goes to Russia. We've almost got another week behind us. God is so good to us, when we feel or think we should be falling apart His peace and understanding has held us together. Its been a journey, a journey I wouldn't recommend traveling without a Savior!

Love Jill

I seriously can't believe this

2010-02-13T21:53:00.004-06:00

Life is busy. God is so good to us and I'll be honest we can hardly believe that we are down to...

weeks. We are more than ready to go however the thought of 10 weeks gives us mixed feeling. Excited, scared, nervous, anxious. It has been 24 weeks since we saw this precious girls face and claimed her as ours, we feel we're coming into a time that we thought would never come but God gave us peace the whole way. We serve such an amazing God. This last week we have been in close contact with our agency on paperwork as they want everything in line when Russia calls for us to come. Oh dear that gives me a butterfly feeling in my stomach. I cant wait to pull the suitcases out, book tickets and take the 1st jet outta here. Please keep our family in your prayers as we round these last few curves and make our way (God willing) to Russia to see the little girl that stole out hearts 24 weeks ago.

For many weeks we have been praying that God make our faces known to Amara and we can't wait to see how God is working to calm the fears of meeting us. A friend suggest this to us and she just finished 1st trip...she said God answered her prayer.

Dawn and Rob had a successful court and are heading home to wait out the 10 days before Dawn flies back to bring her home forever. Praise the Lord!

Change is good

2010-02-12T14:09:00.006-06:00

After long thoughts, conversations and prayer Jamie and I have decided to close our nutrition club and sell Herbalife from home like I did prior to coming here. The economy played a big part in our decision however the biggest one was the thought of sitting here when I have and know I could do this from home while my sweet daughter is at a daycare. That just didn't settle well with me and as our days get fewer and fewer it was time to make a change. The people I rent from have many business, gas stations, car washes, and car dealer. They do all they're booking keeping in the offices next to me, well when I told them I was going to close as of Mar 1st they offered me a part time position. My 1st thought was no, I'm going home. Than Jamie and I talked more and we talked more with them and decided that I would try this only until we get travel dates and at that time we would need to see if it works for them and works for me to continue. I hope I'm only an employee until April hehe. They also said maybe we could work something out where I could come in later, after Jamie is home but we'll see. They are great people, today they told me that I could keep my product in a back room and continue to weigh/measure my people. God is so good and He's put some real amazing people in our lives. So as of Mar 1st we will close the club and I will be employed by Mulder Oil working Mon - Fri from 9am - 1pm and I start this coming Monday. This will be different for me, I've never had a boss, always been self employed. Please pray that this is a smooth transition.

Adoption Update: Notarized/Appastilled docs for update on Dossier #1 and some for Dossier #2 are in the mail to our agency. Hang on Miss A, mom is so close to coming for you.

When I saw this I just had to smile, it's exactly how I feel some days. haha

Note to self: Change blog layout, it may be causing this long winter...

Yea! I got 3 things checked off

2010-02-09T15:03:00.003-06:00

Yea I did it, I got 3 items checked off. Employment Letter on Jamie, Employment Letter for myself which had to come from our accountant since I'm self employed. Can you honestly believe it, I called him yesterday and he called they were done this morning, I never imagined it being that fast since he's right in the middle of tax time. Prayer works. That reminds me, there's a really neat website a friend shared with me. You can find it here, you put in a prayer request and people will actually pray for you and some email you to let you know they prayed and you can do the same. Its really neat. Ok back to what I was here for. I was also able to get a certified marriage licenses. That makes 3 check marks. I hope to have the others finished up by Friday. They have the home study and documents on the list but we are waiting on that. The HS needs to be updated May 13 and after talking to our agency today they said we should wait and maybe we'd be home from 1st trip by the 13th and than it would need to be amended before court anyway which would save us a few $$. We are doing some extra paper chasing now for our Dossier #2 that needs to be complete before court. Our agency is awesome, they have us do all this work ahead for time so theres no delay in court dates and we don't have to run around like crazy after we get home form trip 1.

I'm pleased with the day, now its time to follow up on a few of my weight loss clients and get ready for another PS MAPPS class.

Please contuine to pray for all the waiting families and all the children waiting, in orphanages and in foster care. I'm lifting Dawn and Rob up to the Lord, their court date is just around the corner and they get to see their daughter tomorrow!!

Tossed Around

2010-02-08T21:16:00.002-06:00

I've been busy running around getting all our new documents for Russia while trying to get home study documents ready for the foster program. I feel Ive been keeping it all straight until today. I went to get our police clearances for the 3rd time and after waiting 20 mins she hands we 2 forms, 1 for Jamie and 1 for me. I requested 2 for each of us so she did another one however after I got them I noticed her notary expires May 23, 2010 which means that I will have to repay her 1 more visit because we can't have a document in our dossier for court with an expired notary. She was very crabby and I was edgy. It was my day off and everything I tried to do back fired. I wanted to mark 3 items off the list for Russia and only 1 got marked off which really needs to be back on because it'll have to be done again. grrr Well now that I was frustrated and a bit confused I called my agency to go over the "to do list" I had from them. I need to rewind alittle, the gal we always worked with got moved and because of the background of adoption the director decided that she wanted to be the one to finish it with us since she already knew everything that was going on. I'll be honest, shes awesome and she knows what shes going but shes the director and shes too busy to paperwork chase with us so today I was back talking to the travel department ( I like this dept anyway) and was informed that not all the documents on the 1st list are needed, those are only needed if it would be a normal annual update and our is different since we already know our region and our daughter. So I spent the night going over the list and retyping documents. Theres the irony, in a later email tonight she says oh by the way I wouldn't of had you get those police clearances yet anyway because you need new ones before court!

Tomorrow is a new day and I'm going to mark 3 items off the list. Tomorrow night is another meeting for our foster program and than back to work on Wed.

Praying for Dawn and Rob, they are in Russia right now for court.

God brings fulfillment in our wait

2010-02-05T11:07:00.002-06:00

Think of all the time you are wasting being miserable in waiting. Why not determine to enjoy the wait and provide yourself a lot more joy in your life?

I share a lot on this blog but not everything and I never thought Id post today on waiting but after a conversation I had this morning with my dear friend I knew there were some things I could say. During our conversation she was asking me about Amara and time frames to which I told her what we are hoping for but know nothing more than that and she says, I'm proud of you Jill. This has been a long road and Ive really seen you change a lot in the last 6 months. You've gained a lot of patience and the way you've waited and obeyed when it was hard really shows glory to God. Wow I almost feel right off my chair. That is the best thing Ive had said to me in a long time and I'm glad God is getting all the glory. There are a lot of people who have waited or are waiting in this adoption world and some people struggle and some don't. Ive even had people say well its easy for you because..... haha waiting is waiting plain and simple. Its not easy and some days are just plain hard, like when your friends that all got referrals the same time you did or after are going for last trips to bring their children home. There's nothing easy about that however I know that my strength comes from God and without Him, Id be frustrated beyond words, venting about my wait every single day but I don't do that because I'm at peace and I know its not about me. The Lord gave us Amara just like He did Tristan and Austin, they're not ours to keep and at any moment He can take them away from us. We have to know that, trust Him and pray for strength and understanding. I love her and we've been ready to go since August but it's not our time and when it is we'll go so until then we will continue to pray and obey!

Lord Jesus, help us learn to enjoy the time we wait. Our life has not stopped just because we wait. You have fulfillment for us in this wait.

We are determined to experience the abundance you brought us and walk in your peace. We are determined to stop longing for what we’ve lost or what we have never had. Instead, we are going to make the most of this moment you have given us. We are going to live life more abundantly just like you promised we could.

We need you to do it for us. We are determined, but helpless. Lord, teach us to wait in your joy. Amen.

If you are reading this and you're truly struggle with a wait of any kind, spend some time in prayer and if you need someone to walk beside you let me know. I don't have answers but I do know the great peace that comes from knowing and trusting the Lord.

Oh what a feeling...

2010-02-04T14:25:00.004-06:00

Monday night was our 1st of 3 home study visits for the fostering program. There weren't any unexpected surprises, it was just like our International one. The only difference was the feeling and thoughts I had going through this one. The 1st home study we did for Russia I was so nervous I don't think I could think but during this one I thought a lot about how easy and how us parents that can birth children if we choose to take for granted that privilege. There are all kinds of us, married, unmarried, widowed, single, divorced that can have children if we choose to yet there's alot of families, single woman going through adoption because they can't but because they have such a deep desire to parent they jump through all the hoops, people coming into your home to see if it's "fit" for a child, digging up your past and dissecting it, checking your criminal background to even diving into the way you were parented as a child. As I sat at our kitchen table and answered question after question and explained everything she wanted explained all for her to find out if we "fit" the parenting mold they have in their minds my heart began to break for those who can't have children. Just think about it...if you have bio children. No one came into your home and looked into your past, you just decided with your partner that you wanted a child, you didn't have to pass the test so ta speck. I know many woman who would love to carry a child but can't and even though Ive said "I understand" when they speck about their loss, I don't. But Monday night it began to hit me and for all those woman and their families I'm praying. I wont say I understand again because I don't and can't but God does and I want him to break my heart for the things that break His. May God be with you all and deliver peace that surpasses all understanding.

We have been paper chasing for our foster licenses and our expired documents for Russia. I keep putting this off but its really time to start, I don't want to get the call to go and not have my homework done!

Time flies when you're having so much fun. Our countdown in days is down to...

Big wooohooo to Dawn and Rob, they received their court date and will be in Russia shortly before their daughters 1st birthday!! God is so amazing.

"Baby"

2010-01-28T18:54:00.005-06:00

We went to see her yesterday and took her home. Tristan and I feel in love with her, she's such a great bird. Jamie was shocked by her size and wanted her in the cage but by the end of the night as you can see they had bonded well. She actually likes him alot. The gal that gave us the bird gave us everything we needed, including food, the cage we had but we could use a play stand as she's out of the cage ALOT when we're home.

She was in a home with kids which I'm thankful for. Besides that there's nothing to report. Hockey again this weekend and taxes tomorrow grrrr.

Home Study #2

2010-01-26T23:15:00.002-06:00

We finished another MS MAPPS class tonight for our foster program and we start our home study visits next Monday. It seems odd to us that Iowa cant use our current HS but I guess everyone has their own set of rules. There are so many good things coming from these meetings, if you're adopting and not even considering fostering I'd encourage you to take the classes. There are so many like situations and they go through alot of tips to dealing with children that come with a broken past. Its been so good.

Jamie and I have a little bet going on when we think we'll get 1st trip call. He's saying April 15 and I'm saying April 21st. Can't wait to see who's closest!

Please pray for Amara and her caretakers as we make this last stretch to bring her home. I can't wait to share her story with her when she's old enough to understand. Its been a long journey but I'm so thankful for what I've learned.

13 weeks

2010-01-25T17:29:00.005-06:00

Are we that busy or is timing flying by? Wait....that's God's peace. Ahhhh I love that feelings, it's just unexplainable. All I can say is it's a I got your back -God feeling. We have things planed all the way into March so before we know it the call will come for us to go meet our precious little girl who God is talking care of and became the love of our lives.

It feels like a Sat in the Verduin home because we're having ANOTHER snow day and the way the wind is blowing I cant imagine they'll have school tomorrow either. I just hope the weather straightens out by Wed so we can go see Baby.

We are now down to week number...

It's officially paperwork time. R emailed me a list of all the documents that expire soon so I guess that means its time to get to work. Let the paperwork chance begin!!

I can't wait until you peeps get to see Amara's face. She is so stinkin cute hehe :)

Oh summer, I miss you!

2010-01-23T18:03:00.003-06:00

Due to the rain which was predicted to turn to ice Tristan's hockey game was canceled today which means the Verduin family spend another wintry weekend day at home. I'm hoping this game will be rescheduled just not at the end of the season which would be the last weekend in Feb because my sisters children are having their birthday party than.

So what did we do on yet another day locked up, well Jamie spent time in the garage with my uncle Steve cutting up deer and chatting, the boys played games and computer, while I cleaned, did laundry and finished up all our documents for the foster meeting on Tues.

Tomorrow is going to be a big day, we're going to try to hit early service as I have been mentoring a lady and her children and tomorrow we're talking all 4 of the girls swimming! Its amazing how fast our Denali fills up when you add 4 more girls! Tomorrow night we have Kids Klub at church and than home to rest a few hours before back at it on Monday.

Some of you know it but I didnt mention it publicly because it sucked and it hurt to talk about it but we lost our parrot 2 weeks ago very unexpectly. She was fine when we put her light off for bed and the next day she was gone. Tristan and I had a very hard time with it and we weren't even sure we wanted another one. She had a huge cage, I mean huge, like 4 foot wide by 6 foot high and my wonderful hubby cut out the wall in the basement so her cage would slide in there and not be in the middle of the room. We have a large house but the cage was always in the way. We'll after looking into other types of birds and talking to our vet we've decided to get another one so he and I will be going Wed to meet her. We are proud to introduce to you the newest memeber of our family....Baby.

Praise the Lord, Donna and Jason got their court date and will be in Russia Feb 18th to get their daughter!! God is so good!

Financial Obstacle

2010-01-22T11:09:00.002-06:00

Can you imagine the panic I feel when my cell rings and its our agency...They told me I wouldn't hear from them unless it was bad news. So after holding my breath for what seemed to be minutes and deciding if I was even going to answer I did to get a voice on the other end saying...Jill its T and everything is OK with Anna, I just have some information. Whew...breath.

Our region has changed, we are now like most other regions where there's a 10 day wait after court. Up until Monday in our region we only made 2 trips, the visit one to visit the orphanage, ask questions, and legally sign to adopt her and the 2nd trip to do court and go home. Since the 10 days is no longer being waved it might be 3 trips which of course means more $$ for airfare and more time off work. We won't be deciding any of this until our 1st trip. There are a few options, we could both make all 3 trips, we could both make the 1st 2, come home and only I return to bring her home or we both go for the 1st 2 and I stay in region to wait out the 10 days. I have mixed feelings about both ways. I'm not worried about being in Russia alone however Jamie feels differently. Id miss the boys a ton yet if I was able to visit her daily during the 10 days it would be good bonding. We're going to pray about that to see how God leads us.

There was no other news on Amara(Anna). Feb is just around the corner and its time to start thinking about updating some documents.

Update on the foster program. We are 3 weeks into it and have 7 3 hour meetings left. Its been very informative and we're learning alot. There are 3 other couples in our group that live within 15 miles of us so we are car polling. We start our home study for this in a few weeks and should have our licenses by mid March. I'm still thinking that we wouldn't place any children in our home until Amara is here but God likes to mess with my plan so we'll see.

Its hockey again this weekend, Tristan has a Sat game and we open skate on Sunday. Hockey is a long season and takes alot of time but I'm loving being a hockey mom. This weekend I'm in the penalty box!!

We need to praise the Lord for the families that are finally getting court dates to bring their children home and also pray for the families of Haiti.

I've waited for this day

2010-01-19T22:54:00.005-06:00

A phone call and an invite from Russia would be so much better but I remember the day we wrote all the numbers on notecards to hang on the fridge, taking one down every day. When we started that we were at 192 and I couldn't wait for 100. 100 days still is alot but we're knocking them down and in 4 days we will be 1/2 way into the 6 months.

So it's finally here. Our days to wait are down to...

or maybe the days converted to weeks sounds better, which would be...

I dont care how you view it we're getting closer and I'm super excited about it!!

I have many friends that are waiting for calls on court dates to bring their children home, please pray for them. Waiting is so hard but God will fulfill his promise to each and every on of us we just need to remember that it's on his time!

Love you all
Jill

Tristan's 1st Hockey Game Jan.16,10

2010-01-18T21:19:00.001-06:00

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Foster Family

2010-01-14T21:32:00.002-06:00

Yes our family has decided to go through the foster program. We are actually getting dual licenses, foster and adoption. We went to the orientation in Nov and after praying about it we decided to move forward. We started our PS MAPPS classes and have 9 weeks left, these classes will end mid March. We will not place a child or children in our home until Amara gets home but we figured this was the prefect time to do it...while we wait!

It simply blows my mind that there are so many children that need stable homes and theres so few that step up to the plate. Are the 3 hour classes that we have to attend once a week for 10 weeks a pain or an inconvenience? Yes. Do we feel like going through a whole new home study because Iowa won't accept our International one and than updating our International one mid Feb? No. Are the children all our ideal children? No. Will most of them need counseling or other professional help? Yes. Will it be easy all the time? No. Are we scared? Heck no, God's leading us. Are we sad for all the kids in foster homes or orphanages? Yes very much and that's why we're doing this. God has promised that he will not harm us so we are trusting him.

Please pray for our family as we head into yet another uncertain journey. We have no idea what the future holds but one thing we know for sure...we're super excited about it. 2010 is going to be AMAZING.

Maybe fostering isn't for you or your family, maybe adoption isn't for you or your family either but take some time and pray. There are many ways you can help besides opening your home. Ask God to lead you. For us, he's asked us to open our home and leave the door open until He closes it.

I better go spend some time with my hubby, he leaves at noon tomorrow to go hunting with my brother and my uncle. Pssst remember some time back I posted about the broken relationship between me and my brother? God is so good and he's knocking down the walls between us...my hubby and my brother are going hunting. Yippee!!!!

For me and the boys...its HOCKEY time. Tristan has 3 games this weekend and the coach has decided to play him. He didn't think he'd play until next year since we just started, the season is already 1/2 over and he never played before but we've been going to every open skate we can and coach says he's come a long ways and is ready to put him on the ice. Game Time. hehe I love being a mom!

Hope all of you are doing wonderful.

Love Jill

Update from Orphanage

2010-01-13T11:54:00.006-06:00

Thank you Lord, our agency has had contact with the orphanage where Amara is and she is doing well with no changes, meaning nobody has been there to visit her. We are still hoping that we get called to go see her at the end of April but God willing it could be earlier.

As we near the half way mark I have this great feeling of peace and contentment. I believe and trust with everything that's in me that the Lord has his mighty long arm wrapped around her, protecting her for our family!

A friend shared this with me and we've been doing this for some time, I like the way it feels. We've been praying that God would put our faces in Amara's dreams, so that when she sees us, she knows us and is not afraid. I love it...those are the things our great God can do, things that are impossible to humans.

We started at 192 days and we're down to...

Hang on sweet girl, mom and dad are still coming...there may be a change in passengers on the last trip. More to come on that. We're still praying about it!

God loves you and so do we!
Love Mom, Dad, Tristan and Austin

Parmelee pictures and update

2010-01-05T18:15:00.010-06:00

I finally got pictures from our mission trip uploaded. There are two places on the Indian Reservation that we went to, Parmelee and Corn Creek SD. They are about 10 mins apart. On this trip we had 34 people aging from 8 to 72. The woman and girls spent time in Parmelee working in the girls and boys home and building relationships while the men delivered wood and gifts to both places. They need the wood to heat their homes. There is a building in Corn Creek that needs to be fixed up in the hopes to be able to worship there so Jamie and a few guys are making plans to head back there within a few weeks to see what supplies/man power will be needed to get it fixed and ready.

I spoke with our agency today and she informed me that nothing has changed and we are still waiting. Again she said that if there is any change the coordinator would inform them asap. No news is good news! I asked her if she would be able to email the coordinator, I just want to hear that she's see Amara (Anna). I guess I needed a little more reassurance today. She said she would gladly do that and would let me know the response as soon as she got one but wanted to remind me that they are on holiday break until next week. So we wait....

Philippians 4:6 (New International Version)
Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.

Interesting

2010-01-04T20:35:00.002-06:00

3 months, 3 weeks and 6 days can also be converted to one of these units:
* 116 days, 15 hours, 29 minutes
* 10,078,140 seconds
* 167,969 minutes
* 2799 hours
* 16 weeks

These are calcualting to 12:01am on May 1st, 2010. The day our sweet Amara clears the database. God willing I pray we're in Russia on this day!! 3 months sounds long to me I like 16 weeks :)

Has it really been that long?

2010-01-03T17:53:00.002-06:00

I know my updates are slim to none when I start getting emails and phone calls to find out what's going on. It's not like I didn't know I was absent and I'll be honest...I haven't felt like updating, I guess after I got the wind knocked outta me a few months back it's hard to get back into it but I'm going to try. I know there's many of you that are curious to know what's happening in our lives. I'm truly at a great place of peace however every time I thought about updating I was like no that's not important, and even though my news on the adoption is going to be very very little I can let you all know what we're doing and that we're still alive.

We are officially a hockey family. Tristan started hockey mid season and we've been busy running him to 2 practices a week plus open skate every chance he gets. This is the 1st year for him on the ice so he will be sitting the bench for home games as he needs practice on his skills. He was relieved about this decision. The guys on his team have been great sports about having a new player start in the middle of their season. Beginner or not he has a proud mom and one that's been polishing up on her ice skating skills as well. Alot of times he wants to go to open skate without friends so he can work on the skills so if I have to sit there for 2 hours I figure I may as well skate. I'll admit, I'm secretly enjoying this myself :)

Jamie is continuing to work outside but now that the thermometer reads -25 he may be home doing the honey do list. I have a partner in my Nutrition Club which gives me 2 full days off and I'm loving that, it gives me time to get my housework done and all my errands. Besides that 3 days a week will be plenty when Amara comes home, 0 would be even better....if I could only find a stay at home job besides daycare :)

The boys have been enjoying the time off from school and are not excited about going back on Wednesday. Boys will be boys and sometimes things got alittle out of hand but all in all its been fun having them home and I'm going to miss them.

We really don't have any news on the adoption. Our agency said that no news is good news and that they would call once in awhile to check in. I usually talk to them around the 1st so I will be calling them sometime this week. There are a few things that we do know 1) we love her and can't wait for Russia to say, Come! 2) we need to start redoing all our paperwork in Feb. 3) there's only 117 days left until she clears the database and that number makes us happy considering we started at 192!! Yippeee we'll be going before we know it.

The room where my home office used to be is redone besides the carpet because we can't decide on color, it's now the toy/play room . We still put all her toys in that room and its adorable. A friend of mine gave me tons of stuff from her daughter. Little Tikes kitchen, washer, and dryer. I love it now we just need little Amara in there.

We got home late last night from a Native American reservation. Our family went with a group from our church and another church to do mission work. It was an eye opener for us and the boys. Its sad to see how little some people live with when we have so much. This group goes about every other month and we plan to go as much as possible. We know that when Amara comes home it wont work to take her at such a young age so Jamie and I would have to take turns going or have my parents take her. The people of Parmelee have blessed us and for that we're thankful. God has been so good to us and our promise to Him is that as we wait, we will continue to serve Him. Our prayer as a family is that as we are doing things here on earth we as humans will never think we deserve something in return and that all the glory goes to the Lord. For it is because of Him.

After I speak to our agency I will update, I'm sure we wont know anymore than we do right now but at least you won't be wondering.

Please continue to pray for Amara and her caretakers and for all the people that are in the adoption process especially those who are waiting or those who are going through a rough time. A fellow blogger just lost their referral before Christmas and I can't imagine the pain that brings but we need to prayer for those people, that God provides strength as even though that was not the child for them their daughter is still out there and she needs this family to find her no matter the suffering!

Love you all and can't wait to see what 2010 has in store for all of us.

Letter from Jesus about Christmas

2009-12-12T10:06:00.002-06:00

It has come to my attention that many of you are upset that folks are
taking My name out of the season.

How I personally feel about this celebration can probably be most easily
understood by those of you who have been blessed with children of your
own. I don't care what you call the day. If you want to celebrate My
birth, just GET ALONG AND LOVE ONE ANOTHER.

Now, having said that let Me go on. If it bothers you that the town in
which you live doesn't allow a scene depicting My birth, then just get
rid of a couple of Santas and snowmen and put in a small Nativity scene
on your own front lawn If all My followers did that there wouldn't be any
need for such a scene on the town square because there would be many of
them all around town.

Stop worrying about the fact that people are calling the tree a holiday
tree, instead of a Christmas tree. It was I who made all trees. You can
remember Me anytime you see any tree. Decorate a grape vine if you wish:
I actually spoke of that one in a teaching, explaining who I am in
relation to you and what each of our tasks were. If you have forgotten
that one, look up John 15: 1 - 8.

If you want to give Me a present in remembrance of My birth here is my
wish list. Choose something from it:

1. Instead of writing protest letters objecting to the way My birthday is
being celebrated, write letters of love and hope to soldiers away from
home. They are terribly afraid and lonely this time of year. I know, they
tell Me all the time.

2. Visit someone in a nursing home. You don't have to know them
personally. They just need to know that someone cares about them.

3. Instead of writing the President complaining about the wording on the
cards his staff sent out this year, why don't you write and tell him that
you'll be praying for him and his family this year. Then follow up... It
will be nice hearing from you again.

4. Instead of giving your children a lot of gifts you can't afford and
they don't need, spend time with them. Tell them the story of My birth,
and why I came to live with you down here. Hold them in your arms and
remind them that I love them.

5 Pick someone that has hurt you in the past and forgive him or her.

6. Did you know that someone in your town will attempt to take their own
life this season because they feel so alone and hopeless? Since you
don't know who that person is, try giving everyone you meet a warm smile;
it could make the difference.

7. Instead of nit picking about what the retailer in your town calls the
holiday, be patient with the people who work there. Give them a warm
smile and a kind word. Even if they aren't allowed to wish you a "Merry
Christmas" that doesn't keep you from wishing them one. Then stop
shopping there on Sunday. If the store didn't make so much money on that
day they'd close and let their employees spend the day at home with their
families

8. If you really want to make a difference, support a missionary--
especially one who takes My love and Good News to those who have never
heard My name.

9. Here's a good one. There are individuals and whole families in your
town who not only will have no "Christmas" tree, but neither will they
have any presents to give or receive. If you don't know them, buy some
food and a few gifts and give them to the Salvation Army or some other
charity which believes in Me and they will make the delivery for you.

10. Finally, if you want to make a statement about your belief in and
loyalty to Me, then behave like a Christian. Don't do things in secret
that you wouldn't do in My presence. Let people know by your actions that
you are one of mine.

Don't forget; I am God and can take care of Myself. Just love Me and do
what I have told you to do. I'll take care of all the rest. Check out the
list above and get to work; time is short. I'll help you, but the ball is
now in your court. And do have a most blessed Christmas with all those
whom you love and remember :
I LOVE YOU,

JESUS

Ice Skating

2009-11-29T12:49:00.002-06:00

Ice skating for the 1st time at age 34 is not recommended! Some of our friends thought it would be fun if we all got together to go ice skating last night, we had a ton of fun. I never fell but I was very thankful for my arms...they kept me balanced. The boys have never ice skated but they caught on easily and in no time were speeding around the rink. They couldn't figure out by I couldn't go as fast as them since they never did it either, well I'm going to admit age makes a difference and I was scared...that's an embarrassing fall. We had a great time and we're pretty sure the boys will be wanting to go again.

Photo and video editing at www.OneTrueMedia.com

Gobble Gang

2009-11-26T21:06:00.002-06:00

"Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus" (1 Thessalonians 5:16-18).

So this past week I received many turkey stories via email and in person after writing about the Gobble Gang last week. You know, the wild turkey gang that keeps showing up near to where I work. They make me nervous. I don't like them. I have a bad history with wild turkeys and it's not pretty.

My favorite story came to me in church Sunday morning from my friend Eunice. She and her husband live in a place with a beautiful view. They have a few small trees in their back yard that have some type of berries on the top. They've actually witnessed a Gobble Gang fly up to the tops of these trees and plop right down on them so they can eat the berries. The trees are small. Light weight. Delicate. Not sturdy. So when the gobblers sit on top of them, the trees bow over, creating a ridiculous picture. Can't you see it? The Gobble Gang in the tree tops and the trees bending over so far the gobblers' gobbles are lost in the ground, which their wattles are touching. And for what? Teeny tiny berries that won't make one bit of difference in their big tummies.

A comical picture and yet, at times it reminds me of myself. Let's say the berries are blessings. In the Bible it says that God wants to bless us. Just like a father wants good things for his children, God wants only good things for us.

And if you're like me, you want to be blessed. You're ready for some of those blessings. You say, "Here I am, Lord. Give it to me and give it to me now!"

But sometimes God calls us to wait for those blessings. To be patient. To have faith they will come. To grow in faith while we wait. To have the discipline to obey and wait. To go through a certain season first. But sometimes we don't want to wait. We want instant blessings. Now!

So, using our little human brains we think we'll go get those blessings for ourselves. We ignore the Holy Spirit trying to counsel us to wait. We ignore the Bible verses that keep popping into our heads. Ones with the theme of waiting upon the Lord. Other giant neon signs come our way that say, "God will bless you. Just wait. And they will be humongous blessings." So do we wait? Of course not.

We find ourselves in a giant grocery store of possibilities for those who wait upon the Lord. We see several beautiful neon lights flashing. No free popcorn here, but other things like Peace of Mind. Spiritual Growth. The Peace that Passes Understanding. Joy that Comes from Long Suffering and more. So much more. Every shelf is filled with blessings. And they overflow. The more people receive them, the more the blessings grow.

But we don't want to wait. Like Abraham's wife, Sarah, we get tired of waiting. We lose faith. We try to take things into our own (incapable) hands. How do you think that works out? Not so good.

We're like the Gobble Gang. We exert so much energy getting to the top of the blessing tree that when we get up there, we can do no more. We can barely open our mouths. We can barely grab the blessings that we have a hard time seeing. They're so teeny tiny even up close. From the ground didn't they look bigger? It's like being on the old game show "Lets' make Deal." You could choose Door Number One, but you see a big box with a shiny bow. You pick that instead. When they open the box there's one dirty sock inside. And behind Door Number One? Treasures beyond anything you could have dreamed up.

So the teeny tiny berry blessings are like the dirty sock. Nothing at all what they looked like from the ground. In reality, they are simply nothing. They don't give any nourishment. They do not satisfy our thirst. They don't feed or quench any type of spiritual hunger.

So how can we get blessings from God?

"Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus" (1 Thessalonians 5:16-18).

And don't be part of the Gobble Gang. Wait on the Lord. He's worth it.

My mother gave me this article last night and it was just what I needed to hear. Sometimes I look for answers or small signs that this wait is exactly what the Lord is calling us to do. Like He owes me that or something?!?!? but He sure knows how to speck to me when I'm being still and listening instead of making so much noise myself.

I feel truely blessed this Thanksgiving, for a God that never quits, a wonderful hubby, 2 boys, a daughter waiting for us, my family, my church family, our carrers, our home, our health and thats not all I could go on and on but as we traveled home tonight from spending Thanksgiving with my parents in law I was thinking about something Im thankful for but don't think I ever expressed it so out of the blue or random like Austin says I told Jamie and the boys that I was thankful for Amara's mom and dad. Jamie just looked at me..he got it but Austin says why mom, well if it wasnt for those two very special people that I may never met we wouldnt have Amara. So tonight, no matter where they are I'm thanking God for their lives.

Remember to thank the Lord for all your blessing

A Blessing

2009-11-24T14:27:00.003-06:00

I am in complete awe of what God can do. Yes I know He can do the impossible but when He sends you something like this I just sit back and think wow He really is good. As we approach the holidays its a bittersweet feeling. I have so many things to be thankful for, my relationship with my heavenly Father, my family, my hubby, my kiddos, my friends, my church family, my health, you see I could go on and on yet I'm not feeling complete. A part of my heart is in Russia but God gave me a blessing today. Almost a month into our wait a blessing came from above...we got an updated picture of Amara and how sweet she is. We asked when the paper work mess started if they thought we'd see an updated picture before April/May and they said more than likely not but God is bigger and we got one. She is getting older and we're missing out on parts of her life but God keeps showing us the way. I feel very blessed to have so many pictures of her already, it's almost as if we've known her from birth.

I am thankful that I serve such as amazing God, He is so good to me and even though the next 5 months may be hard and unknown He continues to show me that He's still in this with us. What more could I ask for? As sad as I am that she's not home with us right now I'm rejoicing at the same time.

following an unknown path

2009-11-23T20:36:00.000-06:00

I go on not knowing — I would not if I might; I would rather walk in the dark with God than go alone in the light.

Happy Adoption Day

2009-11-21T09:11:00.002-06:00

It's almost been a year since we started this amazing journey to find our daughter. I never imagined the twists, turns and hurdles we'd have to jump to get where we are but it's been amazing. Some days are filled with joy while others are filled with tears but God is giving us peace and this kind of peace could only come from Him. Wishing everyone in the adoption circle a Happy Adoption Day, a hug for all our close friends who are looking into adoption and sending love 1/2 way across the world to a very special girl.

Dear Amara,

Mommy prays for you every single day. I never thought I'd be such a great customer of Amazon but you're room is filling up with great books that I can't wait to read to you while we snuggle in the chair. As much as I'd love to be the one caring and watching over you everyday I can't be but God is and there's nobody that I could ask who's do a better job than Him, so I know you're safe. Only 160 more days!

Love Mommy

Time has past

2009-11-09T11:31:00.002-06:00

For those who have emailed to see if I'm alright...I am. I haven't been so faithful to my blog lately and I actually have good reason. I needed some time but it's more than that. When we first started our paperwork last Dec for me it was all about God and I didn't care who thought I was crazy for my choice to adopt or who tried to talk me out of it I was moving forward to glorify God but somewhere from the time we got that precious picture of Amara until we almost lost her I lost that purpose. I was so caught up in myself, shopping for Amara, getting her room ready that "for God's glory" took a back seat and so did my family and all that's important to me. Most of you can't imagine the emotions that where wrapped up in the last 2 months of my life unless you've personally lived it and even though it's hard and it still is I'm so grateful it all happened. I was doing things "Jill's way" and I'm glad God called out to be in a very loud bold voice. I feel I'm closer to God now than ever before and you see my friends that's His plan. He isn't doing this with the intentions to hurt me it's to strengthen me. This leads me to why I've been away...am I still going to blog our journey? Yes and am I still going to facebook? Yes but now that I feel I'm back on the path I started out on I'm going to try to stay here. This next 6 months is not mine so instead of writing in this blogger journal everyday I'm going to spend more time with the Lord, spend more one on one time with my boys and Jamie and do things that glorify the Lord. My prayer has been that He would use me as He sees fit so I'm going to stay close to Him with my eyes wide open. It's not about me and I love the Lord so much I can't wait to start living my life more for Him.

I hope God is blessing you in ways you never imagined.

Love
Jill

Let the countdown begin

2009-11-02T13:26:00.003-06:00

Talked with our agency today and nothing has changed besides we cleared the 10 day wait from court. Our 6 month countdown offically started yesterday Nov 1st. The wait is not always going to be easy and we're just going to take one day at a time and pray the Lord gives us everything we need for that day.

Please keep Amara in your prayers as there are still alot of circumstances that we may have to work through. Pray for us as well, we never imagined what this journey was going to look like or feel like when we started it last Dec. and we're glad we didn't. When I was praying about the choice to adopt God plainly said to me "come follow me" but He never said it was going to be easy. I believe His plan was to take the longest route knowing that by doing this and giving me a vision of what I'm doing it for that I'd grow in my relationship with Him. I'm actually thanking Him for this. Of course I'd love to bring Amara home tomorrow but like I said in a previous post I want to be at a place where all I need is Him and to be filled completely by Him. I've come along ways but God has some work to do on me and I beleive that's why we're talking the long route.

Amara my precious daughter who I long to hold and cuddle with, mommy and daddy and your 2 brothers will never leave you. You are in our hearts forever. Mommy is praying for you everyday and praying that God brings one very special caretaker in your life, one who will love and care for you until we get there. I love you so much and can't wait until next spring when we can play outside and rejoice because God chose you for us. My kisses will contuine to come to you through the air and the light we put on in your room as we anticipated your coming will remain on until you arrive.

I love you Amara
Love Mommy

Genesis 22

2009-10-26T13:42:00.001-05:00

Today as I was studying The Word the Holy Spirit spoke to me through Genesis 22. The story of Abraham and Issac. I realized after pondering this story, that God is calling me to lay Amara down on the alter out of obedience. I dream of her every day, wonder if she’s ok, wonder what she’ll look like in 6 months, think about all the firsts that I’ll miss, I long to hold her and call her my daughter. However, God has spoken very clearly to me that I must lay her down on the alter and trust Him to take care of her future. I have to be at a place spiritually where God is all I need and I am willing to lay down everything else on the alter as a sacrifice to Him. I have to be willing to lose her if it be His will, in order for Him to be willing to say, as He did to Abraham, "Jill, Jill! Now that I know you fear God, because you have not withheld from me your daughter, your only daughter" He will provide another sacrifice. I believe God has been in a long process of leading me to a place where I am willing to fully give up everything to Him so that He can give me the desires of my heart without me sacrificing my relationship with Him. Amara is already like a daughter to me and I love her so much I can't even explain it. However, I must be willing to give up everything, even her, and lay her down at Jesus' feet in order to experience the peace I know He will give me when I obey His call to sacrifice.

You see, it's not about me... It's not about Amara... It's not about Jamie or our family. It's about our relationship with Christ, and His relationship with us. If we put anything before Him and try to hold onto them tighter than we hold onto our Maker, we are being disobedient.

So, after prayer and time to accept the reality of this situation I’ve decided I am ready to lay her down at His feet for Him to do His will in her life. I pray with everything that is in me that she will be ours to care for on this earth very soon. But, if He chooses to take her, I have to be at a place that I will be ok because I will still have Jesus. It is then, that I really do believe, He will give us back our daughter.

Take a look at Genesis 22 one more time... and allow Him to speak to your heart about what you need to lay down on the alter today. When we let things go and we become ok with the fact that we could lose our most precious possessions because we will still have our Savior, it is then that He will bless us. And I do believe, His most amazing blessings are yet to come. I believe Amara is meant to be in our family, but I KNOW she is more importantly, His.

There will be days and moments where I know Satan will attack me and I will be fighting the battle to keep my heart and mind right here, in this scripture. Pray that I can stay here, and find the peace that passes all understanding in this promise revealed to me.

Thank you Jesus, for teaching me to give it all to you, so you can give more than I can comprehend in blessings back into my life. Amen.

Court Update

2009-10-23T16:33:00.002-05:00

1st and foremost we want to thank everyone for their prayers and kind words over the past few days. We got word on Thursday from our agency that the court hearing was successful however Anna will still need to be put back on the Russian registry for another 6 months. In Russian adoptions anytime a bio family member comes to the orphanage, asks about a child or shows interest in a specific child the law says that the child needs to be reassigned to the registry for at least 6 months. At this time we as a family feel that God has called us to Anna and have agreed to wait out the 6 months. 6 months is nothing compared to the lifetime we hope to share with her. If all goes as planned we will be traveling to Russia April/May 2010.

In Him,

Jamie, Jill, Tristan and Austin Verduin

Update

2009-10-20T10:49:00.000-05:00

Thanks for all the prayers. Last night was a serious time of prayer and trusting for me. I was talking to Wendy as the Smolensk clock hit 9am and I had this crazy feeling over come me, it was like I was actually appearing in court myself. I spent a lot of time in prayer alone and with friends last night and I feel a sense of peace. What I'm feeling can not come from my human power it's God, I'm feeling his closeness.

Wendy said they would more than likely hear from the coordinator soon on how court went so we are eagerly awaiting more information.

I slept the whole night and didn't wake until my alarm went off, now that's a God thing. He's blanketing my heart and for that I have to praise Him.

A huge thanks to everyone that's praying along with us and to the Whitts for the thoughtful gift and the De Jong's for taking time to pray with us and bless us with baked goods. Like I always say God knows just what we need when we need it. We feel blessed to have people like you in our lives.

I will update you all as soon as we hear more.

Please pray,
The Verduin's

Please Pray

2009-10-16T19:24:00.002-05:00

The last few weeks have been a time of stretching, leaning and trusting on the Lord. We've had many different situations kinda thrown at us and many days we didn't humanly have the answers so we've decided to just enjoy the ride and let God lead us in every aspect of this journey. The paperwork situation with Anna (Amara) has escalated to court. The court hearing is set for this coming Tuesday. Please pray that God leads the judge in his/her decision for the best interest of Anna. We will not know the outcome of court for at least 2 weeks. Please pray!

Prayer Needed

2009-10-09T20:54:00.001-05:00

We are a family that firmly believes God hears and answers prayers! Take a moment and say a prayer that doors are opened in our adoption and we are soon called to make our 1st visit to see Amara! We need your prayers.

A glimpse of His plan

2009-10-08T11:52:00.002-05:00

It has been a windy road over here and some days we just do all we can to hang on as the Lord leads us down roads seldom traveled. The past week has kinda been all over the place. I called our agent on Tues and again the gal that has been working the case (this is not the gal that I've worked with the whole time through the paperwork) told me what she always says...I haven't heard anything but I will email Russia. I wasn't happy with that answer, this has been going on alittle over 2 weeks and someone somewhere has to know more. Is this actually being worked, are they doing what they need to do, how are they trying to find this man to get him to sign off? I needed answers. Later in the day on Tuesday I called the gal I've always worked with and explained my frustration, to us this is serious. She totally agreed with me and said she would take this to someone higher up so we get answers. By Wednesday morning I got a call and she had answers. She told me that the coordinator in Russia is very hopeful and thinks we need to wait this out. We were also informed that she would not have to go back on the database for another 6 months like we were previously told. This was great news. We were faced with allot of questions this week like how long will you wait for her, do you want to start another adoption while we wait, do you just want to look at other referrals, we had no idea how to answer any of these. All we knew was that God hasn't shut the door and we believe she is our daughter so how can you move on. A friend of mine said its not over til its over so we began praying that if God wanted the door shut that He would just shut it so we could move on...within two days we good this great news. God has given us a glimpse of His plan and we're holding on to that right now. We have no idea how long we'll need to wait but as a family we've agreed that we'll wait as long as needed or until God closes the door.

We covet your prayers at this time and are praying that every door that needs to be opened in Russia is opened soon so we can make our 1st visit.

Dear Amara,

There isn't a moment in the day that goes by that you aren't thought about. Mommy, daddy and your 2 brothers are running through rough waters and jumping every hurdle possible to bring you home. We almost can't stand the thought of you waking up one more day in the orphanage but we trust God is taking care of you. Keep catching our kisses in the wind and know that the 4 of us back here waiting for you will never ever give up or forget about you. We love you and so does God.

Be there soon,
Love Mom, Dad, Tristan and Austin

Fear Not

2009-10-02T16:46:00.003-05:00

God is leaving the door! Our agency said they got word back that their contact in Russia is working on things and should know something more by the first part of next week. I'm content with this. I'm glad to know it's being worked and glad to know the door hasn't shut. This is totally in God's hands and I trust Him.

If not through the door than through a window ~ Russian Proverb

This was shared by a fellow Christian.

How often does God need to say, “fear not” or “don’t be afraid” before we actually get the idea that as His followers we do not need to be afraid of anything? Apparently at least one more time than the hundred times He already has said it in His word. I have been struck recently by the realization that so much of what happens in the world of Christians is driven by fear, in spite of this clear message from God. Given the fact that we believe, at least in our heads, that God is the sovereign King of the Universe, I am amazed at how often Christians act as if God has no clue what is going on and that doom is clearly upon us. Yet time and time again in His word God say, “Do NOT be afraid!”

Why does God tell us not to fear? There are two reasons. We need not fear anything because God is still the sovereign Lord and that means He is in control. I love how Paul says it in Romans chapter 8 after listing a series of things that people might fear he says:

“37No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. 38For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, 39neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.”

We have nothing to fear because God’s love is so strong that nothing can separate us from it. The reason nothing can separate us from it is the second reason that we must not be afraid. Jesus promised that he would always be with us. We are never alone. No matter how desperate or dark the situation seems, you are never alone. When you have put your faith, your trust in Jesus Christ for your salvation, he promises to never leave or forsake you. I draw incredible strength from the fact that Jesus is always with me. To never be alone is huge! Even if disaster should strike, we need not fear because we have not been abandoned. If nothing else we know that we have a place with Him for eternity. That is what really matters.

The problem is that we are afraid for things that are temporary. We are afraid for our economic position, our reputation, our health, our happiness, our children’s comfort and safety, the list goes on. Our perspective needs to be a long view into the future. The Apostle Paul looked at all the things in this life, all he had gained and counted it as nothing more than dung compared to the surpassing riches of his relationship with Christ. If your hope is set on your health, then losing your health is a fearful thing. If your hope is set on your material things, then the lose of those is a frightening prospect. If your hope is set on your reputation in the community, or business world then having that threatened is frightening and painful. But if your hope is set on Jesus Christ and his promise to be with you always and it is set on his assurance that you need not fear, then you can be confident. You can be confident that no matter what the temporary situation is, Jesus has you covered.

So often we are afraid of the unknown. We may not know the temporary details. But we do know the permanent, eternal outcome of all things. We are victorious in Christ. On top of that we know that He knows even the temporary details. He is not caught of guard. Jesus has you covered and He is with you always. Fear Not!

The door is still open...

2009-10-01T17:05:00.002-05:00

Just wanted to let you all know that we called our agency this afternoon and they havent heard anything. They were going to email their people in Russia and see if "they" have decided what direction this was going to go. We are still trying to figure out who they are....it's God to us so we're turning it over to Him. We will be calling our agency again tomorrow to see if they got a reply on the email and I will update you as soon as I hear.

We are so thankful the Lord lives within us otherwise this journey would be too much! God is good to us, always has been always will be even when He answers differently than we hoped.

Thanks for all the prayers we can feel them across the miles.

2009-10-01T07:52:00.001-05:00

Isaiah 40:31
"But they that wait upon the LORD
shall renew their strength;
they shall mount up with wings as EAGLES
they shall run, and not be weary;
and they shall walk, and not faint"

Did you know that an eagle knows when a storm is approaching long before it breaks? The eagle will fly to some high spot and wait for the winds to come.
When the storm hits, it sets its wings so that the wind will pick it up and lift it above the storm. While the storm rages, below the eagle is soaring above it. The eagle does not escape the storm, it simply uses the storm to lift it higher. It rises on the winds that bring the storm.

When the storms of life come upon us ... and all of us will experience them ... we can rise above them by setting our minds and our belief toward God.

The storms do not have to overcome us, we can allow God's power to lift us above them. God enables us to ride the winds of the storm that bring sickness, tragedy, failure, and disappointment into our lives. We can soar above the storm.

Remember, it is not the burdens of life that weigh us down, it is how we handle them.

~ Author Unknown ~

Hurdles

2009-09-29T19:12:00.003-05:00

I've brought this big white box up a few times in the last 4 days and couldn't find a single word to write. I even wondered if I should be trying and through prayer and the help of some very special people who have listened and walked beside me the past few days I've decided that as much as I hurt I also need prayer warriors in a big way. There are some issues with Amara's paperwork on the Russian side. This could either prolong or bring us to opening our home to a different child. This hurts, this is confusing but we know that God is a big God and that He knows the plans He has for us. Sometimes it's not like we planned or hoped and that's where trust and faith is so very important. I am so thankful that I've accepted God to be my Saviour. As bad as this hurts my human heart I am at a great place of peace, which I'll be honest is very hard to explain. I sometimes think I should be more of a mess than I am and than I remember that it's God and He's comforting me.

As a selfish human I would pray that Amara comes home to us but the ultimate goal for me when I started this was to open my home to an orphan to lessen the # in orphanages and if it's not this child God knows our home and hearts are open and when He sees fit He will bring her to us. God knows that I love Amara and He knows what's best for her.

We have decided to open this to you as we know all our followers and we ask that as much as your stomach is suddenly feeling sick and shivers are creeping up your spine that you don't feel sorry for us...just pray for us and for Amara.

We sorry if we talked to some of you in the last few days or few hours and couldn't find the words to tell you. This has been tough. We are thankful for every one of your prayers and concerns and especially those who helped me through the last few days.

I will update you as we know more, however please respect our wishes that at this time we would like your prayers but don't care to share a lot of details.

God is good and He is bigger than any hurdle or bump. We're not giving up, we're not turning back. Adoption was for us to glorify God and that's still the path we're on.

I have to share this short story that I feel is so fitting for me and probably a lot of you.

At first I saw God as my observer, my judge, keeping track of the things I did wrong, so as to know whether I merited heaven or hell when I die. He was out there sort of like a president. I recognized His picture when I saw it, but I really didn't know Him. But later on, when I met God, it seemed as though life was rather like a bike ride, but it was a tandem bike, and I noticed that God was in the back, helping me pedal.

I don't know when it was that He suggested that we change places, but life has not been the same since. When I had control, I knew the way. It was rather boring, but predictable... It was the shortest distance between two points. But when He took the lead, He knew delightful long cuts, up mountains, and through rocky places at breakneck speeds. It was all I could do to hang on! Even though it looked like madness, He said, "Pedal."

I worried and was anxious and asked, "Where are you taking me?" He laughed and didn't answer, and I started to learn to trust. I forgot my boring life and entered into the adventure. And when I'd say, "I'm scared," He'd lean back and touch my hand.

He took me to people with gifts that I needed, gifts of healing, acceptance and joy. They gave me gifts to take on my journey...and we were off again. He said, "Give the gifts away; they're extra baggage, too much weight." So I did, to the people we met, and I found that in giving I received, and still our burden was light.

I did not trust Him, at first, in control of my life. I thought He'd wreck it; but He knows bike secrets, knows how to make it bend to take sharp corners, knows how to jump to clear high rocks, knows how to fly to shorten scary passages. And I am learning to shut up and pedal in the strangest places, and I'm beginning to enjoy the view and the cool breeze on my face with God as my delightful constant companion. And when I'm sure I just can't do anymore, He just smiles and says,

"Pedal"

~ Author Unknown ~

He Is

2009-09-25T10:55:00.002-05:00

Come Alive - Mark Schultz

Father let the world just fade away
Let me feel Your presence in this place
Lord I've never been so weary
How I need to know You're near me
Father let the world just fade away
'Til I'm on my knees
'Til my heart can sing

He is
He was
He always will be
Even when it feels like there is no one holding me
Be still, my soul
He is

Father let Your Holy Spirit sing
Let it calm this storm inside of me
As I stand amazed
Lift my hands and say

He is
He was
He always will be
He lives
He loves
He's always with me
Even when it feels like there is no one holding me
Be still my soul

Through every fear
And every doubt
In every tear I shed
Down every road
I'm not alone
No matter where I am

He is
He was
He always will be
He lives
He loves
He's always with me
Even when it feels like there is no one holding me
Be still my soul
Be still and know
Be still my soul
He is

What you're waiting for

2009-09-23T11:34:00.016-05:00

I'm here like promised, planned to get this done first thing this morning but that never happened. I had a scare...I thought I lost, misplaced or dumped our I600A approval. My mind seems a little scattered lately but all is OK I found them. That completes our Dossier #2 because medicals were done last Wednesday and we picked up results and Dr licenses yesterday. I am now searching for crisp 100 dollar bills to take to Russia. I looked at our suitcases last night and thought about getting them out but decided to rewrite the questions and packing list for Trip 1 instead. I got a packing list from a dear friend however it needed to be adjusted because we're packing light...1 carry on and 1 backpack for each of us! Before we get to the room pictures I have to share our latest purchase, Jamie and I went to Wal Mart together last night and picked up a few things. It was fun!

Austin's Room...I actually ended up painting this one a few times because the 1st yellow we had was way to bright. Ceiling fan and curtains will make this room complete, besides other "things" he wants to hang on the way but I'm done with my part.

Tristan's Room...complete as soon as ceiling fan is hung. We are a host family this year for 2 NWC soccer players so he can't wait for them to come over and see his room.

Our Room...I wasn't so sure of this color at 1st but I really like it now, it's refreshing.

Amara Marie Anna's Room... yep that's her name. Amara was picked by Jamie originally and when I looked up the meaning and found out it meant Grace I was convinced that this was the name God wanted for her. Marie is after my amazing sister and Anna is her Russian name. I love her room and it's complete besides her!

I did some painting in the hall awhile back. I was worried about it being too dark but think it looks nice with the decor.

We are meeting with a family tonight that adopted from Russia 3 years ago, I can't wait to hear their story and share ours. Please pray that God directs our visit and tomorrow night it's a welcome home party for our friends that are coming home from China. Yipppeee can't wait. They get into Omaha at 10:30pm so it'll be a late night but I'm super excited.

We haven't heard anything different or new on travel dates but I will be talking to agency today and hopefully will have news to post soon.

I am going to be starting a new fundraiser. I will post information on that soon. It's a fun fun fundraiser with lots of items I'm sure you'll like just as much as I do!

Hi Amara,

It's mommy again. Just wanted to let you know that there isn't a day that goes by that I don't dream about you. I hope you contuine to catch my kisses and know that mommy and daddy are coming soon! I can't wait to see your beautiful face.

I love you Amara!

Im over it...for now

2009-09-22T22:44:00.003-05:00

OK now that I have a small group of followers and I know whose reading the blog I'm going to let some feelings go. The past few days have not been the easiest and I'm not sure why. I have to admit that most of it is my fault. I get high hopes. I keep thinking that today will be the day we get the call on travel dates and nothing than I think OK tomorrow and nothing than OK next week and nothing. At this point I've started to upset myself so to make it worse I go looking at other peoples time lines to see how long they waited which makes it worse. We were originally told that they thought we'd travel at the end of Sept so I was hoping we'd have dates by now. We were also told that because of her age it might take longer than normal so I shouldn't be all the shocked that its been almost a month since we accepted however I'm human and I want to go now. This is when I have to remember that God is in control. On top of this the devil has been attacking me with doubt, fear and what ifs. Today I just couldn't take it and I cried out for help. I know I need to trust Him but looking at Miss A's picture everyday and not being able to see her just got to me. Tonight I spend some time in prayer, God knows my heart and He knows whats best. I have to remember that while I'm waiting I am to serve Him and right now for reasons I don't understand He needs me here more than He needs me in Russia. I will share one attack. Since I thought we might be gone by this weekend I don't have anything planned so the devil was playing around with me today, trying to make me believe that because I wasn't in Russia I deserved a Jill day when in all reality I told a friend of mine I would support her family in the Buddy Walk if I was here. I let him toy with my mind for awhile and than God spoke to me and he reminded me that while I'm waiting I was to serve Him..it's not about Jill so before the devil took one more strike at me I committed to my friend that I would be there on Sat. That may be 1 reason while I'm still here and not in Russia, God is making sure I'm listening. Another reason is He crossed our path with a family from Orange City that also adopted from Russia and we have having coffee with them tomorrow night and Thursday night we are taking the Bilby kids to Omaha to welcome their parents and Jada home from China and Sat is the Buddy Walk. I'm a tool in God's tool box and He is using me right where I am so until He says go I will serve Him right here.

I have been asked to post finished pictures of the bedrooms I was painting. They are all finished besides ceiling fans in the boys rooms and I'm having Austin's curtains made out of his bedskirt which arent finished but I will post pictures tomorrow. We have also decided that because we made our blog private to share Miss A's full name so you can start praying for us and her by name. That will be tomorrow....her name is on her bedroom wall so the secret would be out anyway. See you all tomorrow!

Love Jill

How Long Must I Wait, Lord?

2009-09-22T11:06:00.002-05:00

And the Lord answered me and said: Write the vision, and make it plain upon tables that they may run that readeth it. For the vision is yet for an appointed time, but at the end, it shall speak and not lie: though it tarry, wait for it; because it will surely come, it will not tarry. (Habakkuk 2: 2, 3)

Have you ever been given a vision by God that seems like it will not come to pass? The waiting turns from days to weeks to months and sometimes even years. I, too, am at that place in God. I am waiting for the fulfillment of His promises spoken to me.

God may have given a word to you about the salvation of a loved one, about going forth in your ministry, about a new home, about a financial breakthrough, about a godly mate, about healing for yourself or someone you know, about a new business venture, or adding to your family. Whatever the vision He has put in your heart and spirit, know that He will bring it to pass in His timing.

God is not a man that He should lie; nor the son of man that He should repent: hath he said, and shall he not do it? or hath he spoken, and shall he not make it good? (Numbers 23:19)

I have learned in my walk with God that He answers in three ways: Yes, No, and Wait. The answer "Wait" is sometimes hard for me to comprehend. How long must I wait, Lord? God responded to me by His Holy Word:

Wait on the LORD: be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I say, on the LORD. (Psalm 27:14)

I am learning that the waiting process is not all bad. In this process God is molding me to become more like Him and making me ready for His promises. He is stretching me in my faith and allowing me to trust Him more, regardless of how the circumstances seem to be playing out. I am surrendering daily and waiting for the promise.

I've had a year that proved to be one of those seasons of truly waiting on the Lord.

As a sister in the Lord, I encourage you as well. As you are waiting for His promise to you to be fulfilled, let Him be glorified through you. As you are continue to trust in His perfect timing, though it tarry, wait for it. It will surely come to pass. It will not tarry.

Going Private

2009-09-20T12:56:00.002-05:00

I will be allowing anyone that wants to follow our blog to send me their email address within the next 24 hrs and I will send you an invite. You can email me privately or in the comments. We aren't trying to hide from anyone or anything only protecting our family.

No words

2009-09-18T08:23:00.002-05:00

There are simply no words to explain the pain in ones heart when they know their daughter is waiting in an orphanage without the love of a family and you can't go see her. It's been over 3 weeks since we signed the acceptance papers and still no invite to come. It's a time thing and I'm leaning on the Lord but as you see families get travel dates that only accepted a week ago its hard. Our agency is the best there is but they also have to wait for the Russian side to say "OK let them come" so everyday you wonder if this will be the day the phone rings and you begin to pack your bags, to leave part of you family here and meet the one waiting for you 1/2 way around the world.

I get asked this questions a lot...what can we do? It's simple dear friends. PRAY. Our lives are living proof that prayer changes things. I have an emptiness in my heart today and it aches to scoop my daughter up and love her forever so please take a minute of your time to cover our family and Miss A in prayer!

Blessed

2009-09-13T14:35:00.005-05:00

I had a busy weekend so I wasn't able to post but I've thought a lot about the words to use in this post and I'll be honest I don't have them and probably never will but it's time for me to share what God has been up to.

In a previous post I wrote about wanting to bring an Angel Bear to A on our 1st trip. I'm kind of a I'll do that now, I'll get that right now gal but for some reason I never really pursued looking or buying the Angel Bear. Was I going to before I left? Yes but God had other plans.

You could only imagine what I felt when I came home from work on Friday to find this sitting on my kitchen island....

An Angel Bear! and Angel Bear had a note. This bear was giving to friends of ours who lost a child 11 years ago and after reading my blog they said they knew God was asking them to pass it on. They now have decided to let us take Angel Bear to A. After reading the card all I could do was cry happy tears. We are so blessed and God has crossed our paths with some very amazing people. Angel Bear is still sitting on the hutch in our kitchen and every time I look at it I'm amazed at how obvious God is in my life. I plan to move it to A's crib until it's time to travel to Russia. Angel Bear has a name....in our home Angel Bear will be called Kade (Kade is Pam/Derrick's son who God took home 11 yrs ago).

Thanks to the Derrick & Pam De Haan family A will now have an Angel to watch over her.

Humbly we Thank You
The Verduin's and Miss A

Remembering 9/11

2009-09-11T08:26:00.003-05:00

We want to especially remember the firefighters, the policemen, the medical personnel, rescue workers, and all the common people who helped others on the attack sites during the actual disaster days, and those who helped to clean up in the aftermath of 9-11-01. Some of them accomplished some truly heroic tasks, and deserve to be called heroes!

These people did save some lives, helped multitudes of people on the attack sites, and accomplished the tremendous task of clearing all the dead bodies, rubble, and debris from the destroyed buildings and aircrafts. They didn't concern themselves with their own comfort but unselfishly were more concerned about others - even to the point of losing their lives. "Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends."

There were 346 people who died that day. To many this day only comes once a year to the families that lost loved ones it's a day that's replayed in their minds daily. Please pray for all these families as they put one more year behind them!

1 step closer

2009-09-10T21:58:00.002-05:00

We received our I600A approval today...Finally! I'll admit it I was getting nervous about that, I was afraid we'd get travel dates and no approval. We're approved, now hurry up travel dates I wanna see A asap.

I'm getting ready to head for bed and Miss A is getting ready to start another day.

A, mom hopes that you have an amazing day and that you feel extra loved today because we all love you and so does God. I can't wait for you to meet your brothers, they're so excited to have you home. I also have a really cool guy I can't wait to tell you about...He's our Father, we call Him Lord! Your brothers think that you're going to have crazy looking clothes, they don't know how cute you're going to look in them. I love seeing your clothes hanging in Austin's closet. Sorry you don't have a closet in your room so you have to share with him! Mom's trying to find an angel that I can bring to you so a angel can watch over you while mom and dad leave, don't worry it won't be long and than we'll be back. I love you and thank God and your birth mother for your life every day. See you soon! Love Mom

A Half A World Away

2009-09-09T09:18:00.002-05:00

A half a world away
Sometimes it seems we’re so far apart
But a half a world away
Is not too far for a journey of the heart

My little one, my bundle of joy
My precious daughter, my baby girl
I know your waiting too

A half a world away
A child waits for a family of her own
While a half a world away
A family waits to come bring her home

My little one, my bundle of joy
I’m whispering a prayer
My presious daughter, my baby girl
I hope to soon be there

I hope that we
Will no longer be
A half a world away...

Mom loves you A and I will be coming!

A's Room

2009-09-08T13:24:00.011-05:00

What a fun weekend. We went and picked up A's crib this weekend. Jamie and I were going to spend the day together and than decided to make it a family day. The boys weren't all so excited at first but we had a great day. I enjoy watching the boys get more and more excited about having a sister as the time gets closer. We still haven't heard on travel dates, we are ready to go but we know we aren't the ones in control...God is and so far He's taking good care of us and I know He's watching over A until we get there. I am trying to find a stuffed angel, I want to bring that with us on our 1st trip along with her blanket that we've been sleeping with for weeks now! I love her so much and I can't wait to show her off to the world.

Jamie couldn't figure out why someone would give us a crib without instructions. haha

Yes! Even mom had to put a few screws in

We choose the highest level for the mattress but we may have to lower it. I guess we'll change that when Miss A gets home

I'm not completely done with her room so here's a sneak peak...

Dear Lord, You are an amazing Father that has the power to do things us humans could only dream about. Of all the 147 million orphans in the world you laid your eye's on little A and brought her into our life. I believe with all my heart that she was hand picked by you so I know she's the perfect angel for our family. Please watch over her until it's time for us to go. I love her and I know you do too. Thanks for her life, what a precious gift you gave us.

Love Jill

Pizza Ranch

2009-09-02T11:59:00.005-05:00

So we've been told that it would most likely be the end of September before our 1st trip. It seems like a long wait so I need to keep busy and I only have 1 level in our home that I could repaint which is the basement so I've decided to save that for between trips. Yes I plan everything! For those of you who've been through the adoption journey you will understand this and for those who haven't you will....waiting is hard, you dream a lot and wonder about a lot of things, like hair color, eye color etc but once you get that picture and you can look at your son/daughter everyday it's different, it's still waiting but different! That motherhood really kicks in and it's more of a I NEED to get there before I miss out on anymore of his/her life, I NEED to get there so he/she doesn't have to spend another day in the orphanage...I just NEED to get there. I can not wait to take her in my arms and love her forever....she is so stinkin adorable!!

In the meantime I have things planned and fundraisers are a big part of that because the money we have saved is going to go fast. We are going to see selling Pizza Ranch coupons. If you're local please consider helping us met our goal of raising another 2500.00 before we leave for our 1st trip. The cost is $13.00 for a large single topping. You can either stop by our home or the nutritional club to pick them up or if you see me out and about I'll always carry a few on me.

FYI::: We are planning to do a parents night out mid Sept. We don't have all the details ironed out but we would take your children on a Sat night from 6pm - 12pm and charge a flat rate so you can enjoy date night or a night out with friends. This is open to your friends as well. I will keep you updated on date and rate.

What did "normal" people do this weekend?

2009-08-31T09:35:00.037-05:00

I can't hardly believe it's Monday, the weekend flew by and when I share how busy we were you'll think we lost our minds. Jamie says to me Sat morning, did someone but an energizer battery in you, my answer was Yes! God did :)

Just to warn you this is going to be a long post because our weekend was the same amount of days as yours was we just slept less.

We had planned to paint the upstairs bedrooms and have talked about it for a few weeks but since our referral came and we're going to be traveling in September we decided we better get going. I have a lot of things on the "to do" list.

I paint a lot! My mom says if my walls could talk they'd say...we're full! haha isn't she cute? I usually paint the way I want but this time I let the boys do everything the way they wanted, including moving the furniture around. It was fun. We are waiting for the fathead stickers for Austin's walls so they still look bare, the white blinds and black curtains but this gives you a good idea. I will post a completed picture.

Austin's Iowa Hawkeyes Room

Now this was a fun room, maybe because it was LA Galaxy and now we can stare and David Beckham and his Herbalife jersey everyday. Tristan's room is closer to completion however we aren't 100% satisfied with the comforter. Thinking maybe a solid color would look better and he also needs curtains.

Tristan's LA Galaxy room

We are going to Sioux Falls on Saturday to get A's crib, dresser and bedding so I will also post a completed picture of her room.

A's room

We had a lot of brown in our bedrooms so this is a nice change. Jamie even thought I bought a new picture for above the bed...nope same picture the colors just really comes out because of the wall color. Love this color!

Our room

The boys also had a airsoft war with the youth group from our church last night. The played airsoft and made smores. Tristan hates bugs but we convinced him to go. When he came home he says mom it was a blast I was even jumping through the weeds!

We weren't the only one working this weekend, God was too. I have to share an update on a previous post living with no regrets. This may seem odd to some of you but we all have our own ways and not everyone understands how hard this can be so I wrote a letter to my dad, and I left it somewhere I knew he'd find it. That was a week ago Thursday and I didn't hear anything until Saturday night. We were having supper when Tristan says Hey mom! papa is here...I'll be honest my 1st thought was...not now and than immediately God said Hey Jill you asked me to help mend this and I'm doing it on my time not yours so I invited him in to have supper with us which by the way was awesome, Jamie had pork roast. It was kinda weird my dad hasn't been to our house in months but as we sat around the table making small talk I knew God was there. As he was getting ready to go he says, the reason I stopped was to find out about the boys, what are you doing with them while you go to Russia. I told him I had talked to a few people but no 100% commitment and he says I'll do it, your mom and I will work it out between us and we'll plan to stay here for your animals. Wow is that a God thing or what? I told him that was greatly appreciated several times and when he left I thanked God. God knows my heart and I want my dad to be apart of my life and I need him to be apart of my children's. The way God moved in our kitchen still makes my eyes water. Thanks for all who keep us in their prayers and keep them coming. My dad and I....we're going to make it!

I also have someone to run our nutritional club while were gone. God provided that to! We're going to Russia, the club will be open and my parents will watch the boys. God is reassuring us by paving the way that this is His plan for us.

Love
Jill

We accepted our referral

2009-08-27T10:06:00.005-05:00

You read that right...we got "the call" on Tuesday at 3:58pm cst and after having our IA Dr review her photos and medicals we signed and accepted yesterday morning. We are unsure of exact travel dates but know our 1st trip will be in September! The next few days will be filled with more paperwork, finishing things I started at home and getting A's room done. I am so super excited I can not believe we have a daughter 1000's of miles away and God delivered her to our family. We honor such an amazing Lord and He has blessed our family beyond words. I'm feeling a flood of emotions, happy, excited, scared, overwhelmed, unorganized and fear of the unknown but God holds the plan and I know that if I just let Him lead us everything will be done according to His will. Thanks Lord for the most precious gift...a daughter!

Baby Room

2009-08-21T17:54:00.008-05:00

We have offically started on the baby room and I'm loving it. This is so much fun, we are deciding on everything as a family so with 4 opinions it's sometimes hard but I want the boys to be involved. The painters were here Thursday and Friday and the whole room is now skim coated and textured. We plan to prime and paint this week...but we'll see because now Tristan wants an LA Galaxy room, smart choice since Herbalife sponsors them:0) Austin wants Iowa Hawkeyes and Jamie wants Dora...haha just kidding. The crib and bedding isn't here yet and we picked up the Iowa Hawkeyes bedding this weekend so I think I'll start on Austin's first then Tristan's and then baby room. I also was asked to clean a newly built home before the family moves in which I couldn't turn down because the cash will be great, plus I need to start my new fundraisers this week which I can't wait to share with you. I planned to start those last week but with school starting I was just too busy.

Austin Room currently...

Baby Room...

We spent the weekend at my sister's in Kansas City because we had a Nutritional Club training for Herbalife on Sat. It was a very long weekend but as always it's great to see my sister and her family.

This week will be busy as well...work, church meetings, cleaning the house and hopefully start painting.

Have a great Monday!

Living with no regrets

2009-08-20T09:29:00.004-05:00

The past day my emotions have kinda been array. This has nothing at all to do with our adoption, I'm very much at peace with that. It's something deeper, something darker....it's a broken relationship with family members that at one time I was very close to. We let many things come between us, things as a Christian I almost had to admit, greed, money, jealousy, hatred and I'm not proud to say that there have been times when I could of tried harder to mend it but didn't feel like putting in the effort. I've prayed about this for months asking God to "fix" it however I believe God was trying to tell me to "fix" it and I ignored him. Yesterday He smacked me over the head with a message and I'm acting on it. A friend of mine just lost her mom, a mom she had unresolved issues with, one she hasn't spoke to for years. I spoke briefly to my friend and saw a lot of pain...as I walked away from her and the sadness I knew that God had put me there so I'd see the reality of what could happen if I don't make the 1st move to mend these relationships. I still have a chance to say or do what I need to do, my friend don't. As I talked with God last night one question plainly came from it, could I say my good bye with no regrets and I can't so after wrestling with this the last 12 hours I have decided to make mends to 2 people I love dearly and that I couldn't stand to lose the way things are right now. My brother and my dad. Please pray for me...for us...for our family. There has been a lot of hurt feelings and a lot of pride will have to be swallowed but I believe God is telling me to move in and I'm going for it.

I am sharing this with everyone for a few reasons...I need support and prayers, I need to verbally commit myself to giving all I have to mend these relationships because I can't say good bye like this and live pleased with myself and lastly in the hopes that if any of you have a troubled relationship that holds any value to you please pray about it. Life is too short.

Love
Jill

God will provide

2009-08-16T12:17:00.003-05:00

I have to share whats on my heart. God is Amazing. I remember the day I 1st asked Jamie if we could start praying about adoption, we had a lot of fears and I'll be the 1st to admit it, some of the thoughts were selfish, like what about our freedom, things are so easy with the boys being 12 and 10 and the biggest one which is the same for most...money. At that time a friend told me God will provide and I have read that in His word multiple times since, He has given us so much throughout our lives and blessed us with so many "things". The "things" that He gave us in the past are the "things" that He is now asking us to part with so that He can provide. I told Jamie last night that if we ever went looking for God's approval on our path of adoption we wouldn't have to look very far. God's hand is in everything and He will provide...this does not mean that we'll get "handouts" along the way, sometimes we have to give things up to live in His glory. To date everything we tried to sell has been sold and rather quickly besides the treadmill. My blackberry sold last night.

Thank You Lord! We have raised over 30,000 which includes the selling of the "things" including the Harley motorcycles and our fundraisers. We are hoping to raise another 1000.00 through the fundraisers we're starting this week...God is paving the way and we're truly enjoying the ride! I believe that if you put your trust and faith in the Lord He delivers every single time, it's when we "try" too hard to control situations and circumstances when our lives become stressed and complicated...The Lord says, “Be still, and know that I am God” (Psalm 46:10).

Toothbrushes

2009-08-14T22:08:00.005-05:00

As I was thinking about orphanage donations the boys dental renewal came in the mail with 2 small colorful toothbrushes (toddler sized) ones the wouldn't use at 12 and 11 and a thought immediately went through my mind...if I could get enough of those tooth brushes I could donate them so I called Delta Dental and asked them if they would donate some. They were more than happy to help me. I think we have plenty of tooth brushes to bring to Smolensk. I absolutely love to see God move!

We sold another item tonight...when we were cleaning the garage the other week we came across our old camper hitch, sway bars leveling kit and Jamie said we should sell it, I thought it was a good idea but forgot about it until yesterday so I listed it on a local website in our area...we sold it tonight for 300.00! I'm telling you God is providing for our family, I think He's working overtime on a plan for us :)

I had a very busy day at the Nutritional Club. I had my daily clients in for their breakfast and lunch but I also got 2 people started on a personal weight loss program. A client that started her program last week came in to weigh and have her measurements taking and she lost weight..woohooo Herbalife rocks and I love helping people, there's no better feeling than to see a client happy and feeling good about themselves and knowing you helped.

The 3 fundraisers I'm working on are coming together so I will be ready to start 1 if not 2 of them next week..stay tuned.

This is the last weekend before the boys go back to school so it's family time. yippee! I hope you all have a great weekend and remember to thank the Lord for everything He provided for you this week!